Fulham Broadway

THE pardoned January 6th rioters have asked President Trump if they can hold another riot to celebrate. More than 1,600 freed rioters have thanked Trump for freeing them from prison and politely requested permission for a commemorative riot-style event in or around Washington DC to honour the occasion. Enrique Tarrio, leader of the Proud Boys, said: “Obviously we’re pleased. But we’re also very, very pro-violence and breaking things. “So, as this pardon proves that’s officially sanctioned in the right circumstances, we’d love to hold a patriotic pro-Trump Make America Great Again riot to pay tribute to the ascension of the United States’s first President-for-Life. And honestly I think he’d like it too. “We’ll gather near a government building dressed as Confederate soldiers or whatever the f**k, storm the barricades, assault the police, get in there, take some selfies and then burn it to the ground. Do the job properly this time. “We’re thinking the US Department of Justice, Constitution Avenue, this weekend around lunch? I recognise you’re busy, Mr President, so we’ll take your silence for a yes. Like last time.” A White House spokesman said: “Whoa there boys, hold your horses. Let’s pace ourselves. Plenty of rioting opportunities to come.”

THE Almighty has confirmed that He personally intervened to save Trump’s life so he could become president and revoke birthright citizenship. In a rare statement to the media, God has clarified that on July 13th last year He diverted a bullet speeding towards Trump’s head so that he could live, win the election and end automatic citizenship for the children of undocumented immigrants in the US. The Lord said: “It might not make sense to you now, but do you think Moses leading the tribes of Israel off into the desert did? I move in mysterious ways. “If you think on a larger, divine scale as I do, sparing Trump was paramount. The benefits of overturning the 14th Amendment may take a few millennia to shake out, but trust me. It’ll be central to my long-awaited third book of the Bible. “I am not a vainglorious God so I tried not to make it seem too obvious. Nicking him on the ear was a classy touch, if I pronounce it as thus myself. But yes, I delivered him from evil, he is my anointed instrument and prophet, and I am mighty pleased. “Honestly, we need the birthright thing or the Second Coming won’t get started off right. As usual the Almighty’s playing the long game.” He added: “Oh, while I’m on, can I clarify about the meek inheriting the Earth? That bit was not to be take literally.”

From absolute poverty in a Favela -- 'He had a difficult upbringing where he describes sharing a bedroom with his parents, younger brother and pets; struggling to pay travel costs and at times having to beg for food'

Basically two dodgy defences

4-5 completely nuts game

Drill baby Drill.....Trump pulling out of the Paris Accord. Only Yemen Iran and Libya have not signed up to it. Just shows what a 75 million dollar 'donation' to Trump by fossil fuel companies can get you. Looking forward to more California fires....

Think he will improve. You can tell hes fucked off with missing sitters, (doesnt smile about it like Sterling) and his reading of the game, spinning defenders, linking up with Palmer is good. If he doesnt, the process will see him dropped/sold. Which is why I said he needs some psychological mentoring from someone like Drogs, visualisation techniques etc

Amad (Scottish for I'm angry) booked, yernited players booed off at HT Happy days

0-1 their first goal from a corner 24-25

Saints better team so far

Exactly what I thought. How many times has Messi dummied to score...Ronaldinho against us...to my mind there's not enough of it

Just because he dummied the keeper and put him on his arse. he said that behaviour should be left in the schoolyard.

Rio Ferdinand brands Chelsea star Cole Palmer ‘rude’ and ‘out of order’ after Bournemouth goal He isnt, and he turns up for drug tests unlike wonky lips

Best thing the club could do -get Drogba turn up unexpected at training to tell Jackson a few truths and mentor him for a bit.

Gooner fans chorus of frustration when Sterling slows the play down😁