The English Football Thread

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I wonder if Nuno goes to Spuds

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[Milan 17,881]

🤣

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4 hours ago, Milan said:

🤣

How?! Why?! How is he finding that?!

[Magic Lamps 11,677]

4 hours ago, Milan said:

🤣

what are they celebrating lol 8th place? not having to play conference league... congrats i guess^^

[Jase 43,479]

1 hour ago, Magic Lamps said:

what are they celebrating lol 8th place? not having to play conference league... congrats i guess^^

It was Luiz's farewell. 

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A tip of the sombrero to James Ward-Prowse and Pierre-Emile Højbjerg    West Ham fans try to spot their Big Vase heroes somewhere in the distance. Photograph: James Griffiths/West Ham United/Shutterstock Barry Glendenning  @bglendenning AND BREATHE After 380 matches the Premier League season many thought might never end is finally over. At least 164 of those matches seem to have been contested by Crystal Palace and Burnley, often at a time when most normal folk are watching Pointless or Home and Away, wondering what to have for dinner and if perhaps it’s a little too early to uncork a bottle. The Fiver has long been of the opinion that it is never too early to uncork a bottle and what better reason does one need than to toast the efforts of players from Crystal Palace, Burnley and every other team, many of whom were flogged to within an inch of their lives for our amusement. Yes, they are all mollycoddled, handsomely remunerated and had it a lot easier than most throughout the pandemic but footballers also like to watch Pointless and their often heroic efforts during such a tedious time of uncertainty should not be taken for granted. A tip of the sombrero rim to Southampton’s James Ward-Prowse and Tottenham’s Pierre-Emile Højbjerg, the only two outfield players to participate in all 3,420 minutes (plus added time) of their respective team’s top-flight campaigns. In stark contrast the comparatively idle Tomas Soucek could only manage a paltry 3,419 for West Ham. Chelsea lucky to make Champions League, admits Thomas Tuchel Read more Manchester City are worthy champions, their conspicuous dodgy spell doing less harm to their title-winning chances than the early-season torment endured by Chelsea and Liverpool’s at times baffling middle-season ennui. Beyond a 6-1 mauling at the hands of the now departed José Mourinho’s freestyling Tottenham Globetrotters, Manchester United were arguably a model of consistency, but just not good enough to take advantage of their rivals’ assorted slumps. Consistent only in their maddening annual inconsistency, Everton somehow managed to remain in the Big Cup qualification conversation until as recently as last month before fouling the collective bed and finishing 10th. Fulham also flattered to deceive after a shocking start but came up well short, their manager’s emotive post-match interviews providing The Streets’ Mike Skinner enough material for a 12-album collaborative box-set. The Cottagers go down with our best wishes along with a West Brom side that proved one conflagration too many for Fireman Sam and a Sheffield United team that never really got motoring at all. And as if all that wasn’t enough of a distraction, we had a quickly aborted breakaway, several demonstrations of fan power and a racism war that is as ongoing as it is apparently unwinnable with which to contend. Ultimately it was a bizarre Mary Celeste of a season few who lived, played or coached through it will ever forget, even if the sheer relentlessness of the schedule and volume of televised games have made specific events surprisingly difficult to remember. QUOTE OF THE DAY “I don’t think it will sink in completely because without going crazy I think the impossible has been made possible. It shouldn’t happen, as simple as that. Hornchurch shouldn’t be winning the FA Trophy. For the level we play at, it’s ridiculous. I told the players to take something on board from what [Stuart Pearce] tells you and he said a film should be made about what we have done” – Hornchurch boss Mark Stimson makes his pitch to Hollywood after the seventh tier side’s Wembley win over Hereford.  And what a good looking trophy it is. Photograph: Zac Goodwin/PA RECOMMENDED BOOKING Tickets are available now for Football Weekly Live’s Euro Not 2020 preview special on 10 June. Get them while they’re hot. FIVER LETTERS “It was interesting to see in the Fans’ Verdicts for the season gone that the Arsenal fan thought the team ‘failed to hang on to leads, lacked leadership on the pitch and lacked the passion to win’, they needed a defensive coach, domineering central defender, someone to protect the back four (Nigel de Jong), a midfielder and a prolific striker... 10 years ago” – Noble Francis. “Any reader suggestions for the Europa Conference? What follows on from Big Cup to Big Vase to Big??? I’ll kick off with Big Paperweight” – Mark Bennett. “Bearing in mind that its sole and noble purpose appears to be to bring glory to the unmeasured might of Moldova and continental blessings to the titans of Tallinn, can we not just call it EuroVasion?” – Neil Dobson. “Re: referee misadventures (Fiver letters passim): a slight variation on a theme. In 1984 I was head of department at a large London comprehensive. I fancied myself as a decent centre-back and the 16-year-old student striker who was on Arsenal’s books held no fear for me when the staff played the first XI. He ran me ragged and his parents and others on the touchline were loving it. Halfway through the second half he berated one of his teammates and called him an [effing] idiot. I sent him off for his bad language. Out of disbelief no one objected and we won 2-1. The referee was a junior member of my department. Those were the days” – Andrew Parker. Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Andrew Parker. RECOMMENDED LISTENING AND WATCHING Max Rushden and the pod squad wrap up the season in Football Weekly – and you can watch Max and Barry Glendenning review the season in this here video. NEWS, BITS AND BOBS Don Sergio Ramos has been left out of Spain’s squad for Euro Not 2020. Tommy T is confident that Édouard Mendy will recover from rib-ouch in time for Big Cup final. Kalvin Phillips looks a doubt for the Euro jamboree with a fresh bout of shoulder-gah while Nick Pope’s knee-knack has ruled him out of the England squad. Wolves ejected a supporter from Molineux for racially abusing BT Sport pundit Rio Ferdinand. “We are deeply sorry Rio,” read a club tweet. “This person does not represent our club, our supporters or our values.” Gini Wijlnaldum is preparing for the leaving of Liverpool. “It is very emotional for me because I lose a friend and I will miss him,” sobbed Jürgen Klopp. And there were hot salty tears of sorrow shed at Eastlands, too, where Manchester City paid tribute to the departing Sergio Agüerooooooooooooo. “He’s a special person,” wailed Pep. “He’s so nice.” STILL WANT MORE? Forgotten the season already? Fear not. Our hacks have picked out the best of the 2020-21 Premier League season: Players, gaffers, goals, gripes, flops, youngsters, matches, signings and pundits are all catered for. After 41 years, Werder Bremen plunged to relegation, and deservedly so, writes Andy Brassell.  Album cover vibes in Bremen. Photograph: Focke Strangmann/EPA Juventus got lucky in making next season’s Big Cup, and they can thank Verona for that, says Nicky Bandini. La Liga went down to the wire – as Diego Simeone always said it would, writes Sid Lowe. What did the fans think of the Premier League season, a two part guide here and here. Lille held their nerve thanks to the mastery of manager Christophe Galtier, write Ligue Urrrrrrrn aficionados Adam White and Eric Devin. And for the final time this season, 10 talking points from a Super Duper Sunday. Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO! THE MOOD

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I dont think I paid much attention to Liverpool and their bad spell..it just ended quickly lol. 8 wins in last 10 is good going..think be back next year unfortunately.

Man U..also probably..hopefully not!! 

Arsenal is funny.. Spurs is funny. Everton sad..Leicester also sad but they got something at least.

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The CIES Football Observatory’s best 11s for the big-5   With the five major European leagues ended, issue number 339 of the CIES Football Observatory Weekly Post presents the best line-ups for each championship. Players were selected according to the CIES performance index developed using data from OptaPro. Only footballers fielded for at least two thirds of domestic league minutes were included in the line-ups. The formation selected for the English Premier League is a 4-2-1-3, with Bruno Fernandes as an attacking midfielder behind Harry Kane and besides Raheem Sterling and Mason Mount. The defense is made up of three Manchester City players (Ederson Moraes, Rubén Dias and João Cancelo), plus Victor Lindelöf and Andrew Robertson, with Rodri Hernández and Granit Xhaka as holding midfielders. Some outstanding but not yet very known players are included in the line-ups for the remaining leagues. We notably find Ridle Baku (Wolfsburg) as right full-back in the German Bundesliga’s best 11, Aurélien Tchouaméni (Monaco), Farid Boulaya (Metz) and Romain Faivre (Stade Brestois) in the French Ligue 1 selection, Domenico Berardi (Sassuolo) in Italy and Javi Galan (Huesca) in Spain.   Absolute JOKE that Lindelöf was picked over Slabhead (and I hate Slab), we all saw how important he was when he was out, he was Manure's 2nd best asset, after PGMOL, as Bruno had a meh 2nd half of the league season, and so many of his goals were pens. Rüdiger would be the CLEAR 2nd CB, except Lamps sat him on the bench for months.    Sterling (wtf, he had a shit season, only 10 league goals, and ONE since mid February) over Salah (who fucking carried Pool) ?????   and   XHAKA (what the fuck X 1 million) over Kante (or move Mount to MF and put Son at winger.   De Bruyne missed 43% of the league season, so it is understandable why he was left out.

[Magic Lamps 11,677]

59 minutes ago, Vesper said:

The CIES Football Observatory’s best 11s for the big-5   With the five major European leagues ended, issue number 339 of the CIES Football Observatory Weekly Post presents the best line-ups for each championship. Players were selected according to the CIES performance index developed using data from OptaPro. Only footballers fielded for at least two thirds of domestic league minutes were included in the line-ups. The formation selected for the English Premier League is a 4-2-1-3, with Bruno Fernandes as an attacking midfielder behind Harry Kane and besides Raheem Sterling and Mason Mount. The defense is made up of three Manchester City players (Ederson Moraes, Rubén Dias and João Cancelo), plus Victor Lindelöf and Andrew Robertson, with Rodri Hernández and Granit Xhaka as holding midfielders. Some outstanding but not yet very known players are included in the line-ups for the remaining leagues. We notably find Ridle Baku (Wolfsburg) as right full-back in the German Bundesliga’s best 11, Aurélien Tchouaméni (Monaco), Farid Boulaya (Metz) and Romain Faivre (Stade Brestois) in the French Ligue 1 selection, Domenico Berardi (Sassuolo) in Italy and Javi Galan (Huesca) in Spain.   Absolute JOKE that Lindelöf was picked over Slabhead (and I hate Slab), we all saw how important he was when he was out, he was Manure's 2nd best asset, after PGMOL, as Bruno had a meh 2nd half of the league season, and so many of his goals were pens. Rüdiger would be the CLEAR 2nd CB, except Lamps sat him on the bench for months.    Sterling (wtf, he had a shit season, only 10 league goals, and ONE since mid February) over Salah (who fucking carried Pool) ?????   and   XHAKA (what the fuck X 1 million) over Kante (or move Mount to MF and put Son at winger.   De Bruyne missed 43% of the league season, so it is understandable why he was left out.

All those lineups are a joke apart from the Bundesliga and la liga ones which are okish. looks like someone only watches the highlights. But the PL one takes the mickey

Mount and sterling over foden, son, salah and mahrez?

Xhaka, lindelöf, robertson wtf

 

 

 

[chippy 342]

It was nice to see Nuno getting a warm goodbye from the fans.

Did a good job there but good to see both the club and manager know its the right time to move on having taken Wolves as far as he can and left on good terms.

Think I'm right in saying we haven't been able to give any of our managers a send off since the departure of Claudio.

[Magic Lamps 11,677]

25 minutes ago, chippy said:

It was nice to see Nuno getting a warm goodbye from the fans.

Did a good job there but good to see both the club and manager know its the right time to move on having taken Wolves as far as he can and left on good terms.

Think I'm right in saying we haven't been able to give any of our managers a send off since the departure of Claudio.

Guus twice. and Benitez if you can count that.

Usually no manager would want to leave this job even if their contract ran out. managers seeing out their contracts at top clubs is the exception anyway

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1 hour ago, Magic Lamps said:

All those lineups are a joke apart from the Bundesliga and la liga ones which are okish. looks like someone only watches the highlights. But the PL one takes the mickey

Mount and sterling over foden, son, salah and mahrez?

Xhaka, lindelöf, robertson wtf

 

 

 

Riyad Mahrez

 

Phil Foden

 

granted not full season minutes  (3420 max possible), BUT that also is what hurts Rüdiger's and De Bruyne's cases

[chippy 342]

12 hours ago, Magic Lamps said:

Guus twice. and Benitez if you can count that.

Usually no manager would want to leave this job even if their contract ran out. managers seeing out their contracts at top clubs is the exception anyway

Gus, of course. Somehow forgot about him.

Lovely reception, first time especially.

Rafa was very more muted. Some respectful appluase for the good job he did, but with  no real affection. Understandable after the stuff he said while at Liverpool. To this day we're stuck with the "Plastics" insults.

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David Squires on … the final day of the 2020-21 Premier League season

Our cartoonist looks back at the season finale, including a fairytale finish for the ESL clubs, some goodbyes and a tooth being lost

https://www.theguardian.com/football/ng-interactive/2021/may/25/david-squires-on-the-final-day-of-the-2020-21-premier-league-season

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Try telling Villarreal that this is a rinky-dink tournament    A replica of Big Vase living up to its Fiver name in Gdansk city centre. Photograph: Tullio Puglia/Uefa/Getty Images Paul Doyle  @Paul_Doyle IT’S BIG VASE FINAL, BABY! Twenty-three years, one month and eight days since his greatest moment as a player, Ole Gunnar Solskjær hopes to celebrate his greatest moment as a manager. So Wednesday brings an opportunity that few people ever get in life. Frankly, The Fiver will be disappointed if Rob Lee blows this chance. There is no shortage of ingenious ways to pull off one of football’s great avenging acts before a Big Vase final featuring Solskjær’s side and Villarreal. You could tamper with Manchester United’s tactics board so that Aaron Wan-Bissaka is the designated corner-taker or Bruno Fernandes has to stay upright. You could hack into the United satnav to send their team coach to the home of rock ghoul Glenn Danzig rather than a fashionably branded stadium in Gdansk. Or you could just sit back and let Victor Lindelöf and a half-knacked Harry Maguire or his replacement get on with it. ‘Honour Sir Matt’: Manchester United urged by Solskjær to win final for Busby Read more All of which suggests fun-lovers should not be put off by the fact that United and Villarreal’s four previous encounters have produced a grand total of zero goals. This one really could be worth watching. And it’s definitely worth winning. Try telling Villarreal, who’ve never played in a European final before, that this is a rinky-dink tournament. See how blasé United fans will be if Solskjær’s side Arsenal this up. Even Lord Ferg has made the trip to Poland to show how important Big Vase has become to Manchester’s second-best team since they tumbled out of Big Cup. In the buildup, Villarreal’s manager has been reflecting on a chat he had with Ferg when times were different; the message may be more relevant now than ever. “In [a] meeting in Nyon, Switzerland, where the elite coaches meet, I once launched a defence of [Big Vase] because it was a competition that has brought happiness to many teams who couldn’t win [Big Cup],” recalled Unai Emery. “Basically, eight teams can win [Big Cup], although there’s an exception every so often. The rest of us compete happily in [Big Vase] and it makes our fans happy to compete for a title, share those moments, that enthusiasm.” LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE Join Rob Smyth at 5.30pm BST for all the buildup to, and then minute-by-minute coverage of, Villarreal 1-2 Manchester United. QUOTE OF THE DAY “When I got to the bedroom door I felt the smell of burning. I saw that there was a lot of black smoke and I felt the heat. I went to the window and opened it. There is a ledge there and that allowed me to go out and lean against the frame with my knees and hold on to the window with my hands. Between the arrival of the firefighters and the moment when they started working it will have been about 30 minutes. [One firefighter] pushed me into the crane. [It] was not so close and they were holding out a rope, telling me to ‘pull it towards you.’ Before they came I was quiet, crouched so that the smoke would not reach me, but without having to jump” – Rentistas midfielder Francisco Duarte describes how he had to dangle from a window 11 stories up to escape a blaze while in hotel quarantine before the Copa Libertadores match at Racing Club Avellaneda.  Francisco Duarte, seen here in calmer times. Photograph: Sebastião Moreira/Reuters RECOMMENDED BOOKING Tickets are available now for Football Weekly Live’s Euro Not 2020 preview special on 10 June. Get them while they’re hot. FIVER LETTERS “Great to read that Tottenham’s Kyle Walker has made England’s provisional Euros squad (yesterday’s Fiver). So much for all the speculation that he wanted to move to Manchester City in order to win trophies” – Christian Goldsmith (and 1,056 others). “I know I should know better, but I was reading yesterday’s Fiver in the hope of some proper journalistic content (yes, I know …). I had hoped that your News, Bits and Bobs would be the place to find some coverage of Dundee’s magnificent performance in strolling to a play-off victory over Kilmarnock on Monday night. A quick glance saw the word ‘Dundee’, but only in reference to our poor, wee neighbours losing yet another manager. Poor show all round. In addition, surprised no one opted for Euro Trash as the name of the Europa Conference League” – Stuart McLagan. “What better item highlights ‘an item of no use, that no one needs, recalling a place that no one wanted go to’? Why, it’s the Conference Fridge Magnet” – Michael Lloyd. “How about a trophy in the shape of a broken pencil because the whole thing is pointless?” – Al Slinn. “May I suggest Big Bin as that’s where all the leftovers end up?” – Nick Passingham. Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Stuart McLagan. NEWS, BITS AND BOBS A judge has ruled there is no case to answer in the trial of two former South Yorkshire police officers and the force’s former solicitor, who had been charged with perverting the course of justice for amending police statements after the Hillsborough disaster. “The legal system in this country really has to change,” said Margaret Aspinall, whose 18-year-old son, James, was one of the 96 people who were unlawfully killed at Hillsborough. “It’s the cover-up of the cover-up of the cover-up.” Manchester United fans have been targeted in an attack at a Gdansk bar before Wednesday’s final against Villarreal. Malky Mackay has taken over as manager of Ross County amid supporter concerns about text messages he sent while at Cardiff that he admitted were “disrespectful of other cultures”. Eberechi Eze was to have been part of England’s provisional squad for Euro Not 2020 before the Crystal Palace forward suffered his nasty achilles-knack. Arsenal are in talks with Lyon about swapping WSL goal machine Vivianne Miedema for Nikita Parris.  Nikita Parris (left) and Vivianne Miedema: deal or no deal? Composite: Getty Images Liverpool are closing on a £35m move for Leipzig defender Ibrahima Konaté, with Jürgen Klopp deciding to parcel up Ozan Kabak and return him to Schalke when his loan deal ends. And Ligue Urrrrrn champions Lille have been unable to persuade manager Christophe Galtier from waltzing out the door marked Faire Un. “We can only thank him for everything he has brought here,” sniffed chief suit Olivier Letang. STILL WANT MORE? Ole Gunnar Solskjær is hoping to complete a moment of personal triumph in Big Vase final against Villarreal, writes Jamie Jackson. Unai Emery, however, has a ruddy good plan to take down United, according to Sid Lowe. Édouard Mendy is set to play in Big Cup final on Saturday, which is a world away from where he started. Jacob Steinberg looks back on his intriguing career. Nick Ames tells Gareth Southgate not to burn out Union Jack Grealish. Will he listen? Beware! The loanees are coming back. Ben McAleer on the players returning to their parent clubs intent on making an impact.  Oliver Skipp, Harvey Elliott and William Saliba have all been out on loan this season. Composite: AFP, Getty, Rex Has anyone won the Golden Boot and been relegated? The Knowledge has the answer. And think you’re clever? Take our big Premier League quiz of the season. Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO! JFT96

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Only a tiny snipet of what the pgmol has done to us

[Jase 43,479]