The English Football Thread

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Wholesome scenes that explored depths of shade and lightness of tone    Are you Gunnersaurus in disguise? Photograph: Twitter Daniel Harris  @DanielHarris NO PAINT, NO GAIN Human beings are unpredictable animals – sometimes we do one thing, other times we do another – and the Fiver is no different. So, though the nation’s favourite tea-timely email is renowned for its sophisticated satire, coruscating wit, and punching up not down, on occasion it has no choice but to take the cheap, easy option and turn its focus on Tottenham Hotspur. Dulux’s Twitter trolling of Tottenham takes gloss off club’s new sponsorship Read more Just this morning, the club’s official Twitter account celebrated the signing of a sponsorship deal with Dulux, “the nation’s number one paint brand” installed as “our first ever Official Paint Supplier”. But with the Fiver chortling at the various absent hyphens and present capital letters, the new partner decided it wanted in on the fun. Audere est facere, and all that. When one Social Media Disgrace user asked Dulux whether the dog could play centre-back, the brave administrator wondered “he might do a better job.” Another user then quipped that it “might be time to paint the trophy cabinet”, to which Mr Admin simply posted an image of an unused cabinet, apparently for sale, in wholesome scenes that explored depths of shade and lightness of tone. Someone got upset and the offending missives were quickly deleted – probably for the best, given Eric Dier’s delicate sensitivity – leaving the rest of us to wonder what was coming next. Perhaps a plan for some new colours: envy green, perennially blue and pathologically yellow, to be made available in either Stéphane Dal-matt or Christian Gloss. At the time of writing, José Mourinho has yet to comment – the Fiver understands that he is busy seeking a new corner into which he will paint himself. Perhaps this is an omen­ for next weekend’s Carabao Cup final – as Chas and Dave taught, it’s lucky for Spurs when the year ends in Pant-one. LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE Get ready for a hot evening of Euro Vase: Barry Glendenning is manning our MBM of Manchester United 4-0 Granada (6-0 agg) from 8pm BST, while Paul Doyle is on hand for Slavia Prague 2-2 Arsenal (3-3 agg) at the same time. QUOTE OF THE DAY “That is the best own goal I’ve ever seen. The Glens have equalised … what a finish over his own goalkeeper” – following on from a remarkable 40-yard header from Glentoran striker Rory Donnelly earlier this week, the Glens benefit from a freak own goal from Coleraine’s Josh Carson, who somehow managed to tackle a 30-yard lob into his own net.  Oh Josh! Photograph: Glentoran FC RECOMMENDED LISTENING It’s Football Weekly Extraaaaaaaa! FIVER LETTERS “Years ago playing in Mackay in Queensland our match had to be postponed because the Ref was done for driving under the influence on the way to the Sunday afternoon match” – Richard Samwell. Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … it’s a rollover! NEWS, BITS AND BOBS The penultimate round of Premier League matches will be pushed back to 18-19 May to enable up to 10,000 fans to attend them after the next scheduled relaxation of Covid measures. The PFA and global players’ union Fifpro have called for temporary concussion substitutes to be trialled to better protect players with head injuries. Saudi crown prince Mohammed bin Salman asked Boris Johnson to intervene over the Saudis’ thwarted bid for Newcastle last summer, it has emerged. Lionel Messi has helped to obtain 50,000 Covid vaccines from China for a plan to inoculate all of South America’s football players before this summer’s Copa América tournament. And Jürgen Klopp bemoaned Liverpool’s Big Cup exit as “the story of our season” while Pep Guardiola was a lot more chipper after Man City’s win at Dortmund. “We are building history,” he trilled. STILL WANT MORE? Quiet, unassuming Phil Brown is back, baby, at Southend – and on one of the toughest of survival missions. Ben Fisher has more.  Here we go again. Photograph: Joe Toth/BPI/Shutterstock Louise Taylor on how Pep’s positivity doused Dortmund’s fireworks. Barney Ronay sings the praises of Real Madrid and their impenetrable white wall at Anfield. Here’s Jonathan Wilson on Manchester City v PSG and the darker side of sport’s fairytales. Suzanne Wrack analyses the latest women’s internationals and crunches them into our Euro 2022 power rankings. Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO! JFT96

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Uefa’s golden goose is showing signs of severe constipation    Manchester United’s Paul Pogba: settling scores while the going is good. Photograph: Dave Thompson/AP Scott Murray EURO, A WORD THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YAWN It was another great evening in Europe for English clubs who aren’t Liverpool. Arsenal took a stand by taking the knee, then saw off dubious shower Slavia Prague with amusing ease. Manchester United breezed past Granada, finally achieving closure for the 1987 FA Cup defeat at home to Coventry City, who that day sported shirts bearing the name of the bingo wing of the popular leisure conglomerate, and went on to win the final wearing the same. Sir Alex Ferguson was always a Top Rank man after that, Gala at a push if there was no other show in town when his dauber really started twitching. Some losses stay with you. The results raise the possibility of another year in which both major European finals are contested by clubs from Blighty. It’s a situation that pleases nobody, boring and/or irritating everyone else on the continent and forcing English fans into a Hobson’s choice, as opposed to getting four-square behind whoever the Premier League representative is facing. So exactly why the bigwigs are continuing with their plans for an expanded “Swiss-style” Big Cup format (talks start again today!) isn’t exactly clear. Yes, yes, money – but the competition has been grindingly repetitive for some time now, with the golden goose showing signs of severe constipation. Cramming packets of Imodium down its neck isn’t going to help. Premier League and FA Cup team news, previews and more – live! Read more Even so, there are still benefits to doing well in Europe. A good run allows players to settle scores while the going is good, and United midfielder Paul Pogba has taken the opportunity while riding this high to fire a shot across José Mourinho’s bow, accusing his former manager of “going against players” and making them feel like “they don’t exist any more”. While this isn’t exactly breaking news, it’s worth noting because you can get long odds on Mourinho letting this lie, and we’ll need a reference point when he decides to escalate this already volatile situation. Who knows, he might even decide to do that tonight, should the red mist descend after Spurs come off second-best in tonight’s big seventh-place play-off with Everton. Tune in, kids, another seven-minute soliloquy could be coming right up. LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE Fancy some Friday night Premier League action? Course you do. Join Scott Murray for minute-by-minute coverage of Everton 1-0 Tottenham (8pm BST). QUOTE OF THE DAY “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do too much of a team talk. My lip goes … as soon as I see Carl Dickinson [the vice-captain] I start to cry. Lee is very much here with us. His locker is still his locker, his armband will be his armband. We’ll carry him with us” – Yeovil Town manager Darren Sarll on how the club are coping in the aftermath of the tragic death of club captain Lee Collins.  A fan leaves his scarf among tributes to Lee Collins, who died at the age of 32 in March. Photograph: Simon Galloway/PA FIVER LETTERS “Spurs may have signed a sponsorship deal with a big paint company (yesterday’s Fiver) but perhaps they missed an opportunity. If the Lilywhites had instead chosen to associate themselves with the whitest-ever paint, they could have actually become cool again” – Peter Oh. “A Spurs deal with Crown Paints (yesterday’s Fiver) would have been getting ahead of themselves? “One with Johnstone’s Paint would at least have had the ring of a trophy about it” – Richard Lowe. “Former World Cup whistler Howard Webb recently got married to another referee, Bibiana Steinhaus. I will let your other readers insert their own VAR jokes as appropriate, while wishing the happy couple all the very best. I just wonder which one of them booked the church” – Alastair McGillivray. “As a resident of Norn Iron and a follower of local football, I was delighted to witness two examples of our quality matches featured on your email recently. I noticed the lack of a crowd and was about to tut about Covid’s terrible impact, until I realised the video could have been from any league match in the last 30 years” – Shane Lockhead. “A Big Vase Ajax v Dinamo Zagreb final (Fiver on, er, 8 April)? You’ve made a right Arsenal of that prediction” – Andrew Taylor. Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Peter Oh. NEWS, BITS AND BOBS Roma defender Chris Smalling and his family have been targeted by armed robbers at his home, according to reports in Italy. Sheffield Wednesday manager Darren Moore will take a further period of leave after developing complications from Covid-19, including pneumonia and blood clots on his lungs. Get well soon, Darren. England Under-21s manager Aidy Boothroyd will saunter through the door marked Do One at St George’s Park when his contract with the FA expires this summer, after failing to guide the side beyond the group stage of this year’s Euros. Paul Cook is settling in as Ipswich manager, so how does he rate his new team? “We don’t put crosses into the box, we don’t create chances, we don’t defend well,” Cook fumed. “We don’t retain possession of the ball, we’re not very fit and we’re not very athletic.” Apart from that, though …  Paul Cook: not impressed. Photograph: Ashley Western/MB Media/Getty Images Ralph Hasenhüttl is backing his Southampton team to do a Crystal Palace and kick Leicester – (one of) the team(s) that beat them 9-0 recently – out of the FA Cup semi-finals. “When we are hungry and when we know what we have to hunt for, then we are strong,” roared the Austrian. Is there something in the Wembley water? Here’s Tommy T, coming out swinging at Manchester City: “From next year on, from day one of next season we will hunt them, we will try to close the gap between us,” he bellowed, arms outstretched. Carlo Ancelotti has hinted signing a forward and a midfielder will not be near the top of his agenda in the summer. The Italian believes Jean-Philippe Gbamin will come good after battling a series of injuries and is still keeping a theatrically-browed eye on Moise Kean, on loan at Big Cup-chasing PSG. And Burnley keeper Nick Pope can warm up for a busy Sunday at Old Trafford in style, after winning a set of goalposts from his old club, York City. Pope won the nets, which stood at York’s former ground, Bootham Crescent, in a charity auction. STILL WANT MORE? Norwich up? Sheffield United down? Get your rubber stamps ready for the weekend, because here are 10 things to look out for.  Watch out, Scotty! Composite: Getty, EPA, Shutterstock Arsenal Women defender Lotte Wubben-Moy gets her chat on with Suzanne Wrack: about her time at University of North Carolina and life in the “competitive cauldron”. USA! USA!! USA!!! The new MLS season kicks off this weekend: Our panel of writers deliver their predictions for the MVP, the champions and a new team in Texas. Match previews! Get yer match previews! And catch up on all the day’s developments with our Friday football live blog. Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO! CELEBRATING IN STYLE

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2020-21 English Premier League

Everton                                  
Tottenham Hotspur              

http://www.sportnews.to/mysports/2021/premier-league-everton-vs-tottenham-hotspur-s1/

https://www.totalsportek.com/page-3/

[killer1257 3,282]

Kane is so much better than Haaland and Lukaku

[MoroccanBlue 5,385]

Probably because one is only 20 and the other isn't as good a footballer. 

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15 minutes ago, killer1257 said:

Kane is so much better than Haaland and Lukaku

atm, yes

I would LOVE to have him for the next 4 , 5 years

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1 minute ago, Vesper said:

atm, yes

I would LOVE to have him for the next 4 , 5 years

big problem

Contract until Jun 30, 2024 😿

[ZAPHOD2319 4,819]

Weekend starts right with a draw!!

[Vesper 30,226]

perfect result, draw 2 2

[Vesper 30,226]

was a good watch

[Milan 17,959]

The best result for us.

And Kane’s ankle is always a ticking bomb. Will he make it to the cup final?

[Tomo 21,751]

Meh, if we let either of these above us we don't deserve shit.

[Pizy 18,953]

Way things are going at Spuds, I have a bad feeling Kane will end up pushing for a move to another PL club. And I think there’s only 1 club he could go to that Levy would reluctantly agree to which is United.

Kane to United and Haaland to City would be a BIG yikes.

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Friday April 16 2021 Football Nerd

Fulham should stick with Scott Parker as this data shows By Daniel Zeqiri Fulham are running out of games to avoid relegation but regardless of their fate this season the stock of head coach Scott Parker has undoubtedly risen. Their recruitment in the summer transfer window was shrewd, making Fulham a far more competitive Premier League outfit than many expected. Remember, there were gloomy predictions of Fulham not matching Derby County's lowest-ever Premier League points tally of 11 after they were stuffed by Arsenal on the opening day. Pep Guardiola once said a coach's job was to get their team into the final third as frequently as possible, from where the intuition of individual players takes over. By this measurement, Parker has done some fine work considering the level of talent at his disposal. Much has been made of Brighton's profligacy, but Fulham have actually suffered the biggest underperformance relative to expected goals in the league. The difference between their 35.9 expected goals, just behind Everton, and their 24 goals scored is the biggest in the division. Their xG tally is higher than Burnley, Southampton, Wolves and Crystal Palace. In this week's Football Nerd, I ask whether that is down to misfortune or if we should expect relegation-threatened sides to miss more chances than those at the top.

[Magic Lamps 11,692]

43 minutes ago, Pizy said:

Way things are going at Spuds, I have a bad feeling Kane will end up pushing for a move to another PL club. And I think there’s only 1 club he could go to that Levy would reluctantly agree to which is United.

Kane to United and Haaland to City would be a BIG yikes.

I can see Kane going to City rather. Fits Guardiola's style better than Haaland and is more affordable. Really hope he goes abroad tho.

[Pizy 18,953]

35 minutes ago, Magic Lamps said:

I can see Kane going to City rather. Fits Guardiola's style better than Haaland and is more affordable. Really hope he goes abroad tho.

I think they’d be about the same price, actually. English tax + long contract. And I can never see Kane leaving the PL. Think he wants to break Shearer’s record and should easily do so if he moves to one of the Manchester clubs.

Just wonder who we’d go for if both Kane & Haaland are off to our rivals. We’d have to go big just to compete with those teams next season and Tuchel just today said that that’s the goal from day 1 next season. Lukaku seems happy at Inter and tbh why leave a situation where you’re going to win the league and are treated like a king? 
 

Not many world class strikers available. Aguero as a stopgap and pray he stays fit doesn’t sound like something a club targeting the PL title does.

[chippy 342]

I actually feel a bit sorry for Kane.

Great to be loyal and all that, but there comes a time when he must accept time is running out for his chances of winning the major trophies and move on from that shower of shite.

Its a disaster for them to not be top four after Liverpool being dire, us changing manager and having strikers who couldn't score in a brothel and Arsenal being as bad as ever. Fred Flintstone is finished as a top manager!

[chippy 342]

13 minutes ago, Pizy said:

I think they’d be about the same price, actually. English tax + long contract. And I can never see Kane leaving the PL. Think he wants to break Shearer’s record and should easily do so if he moves to one of the Manchester clubs.

Just wonder who we’d go for if both Kane & Haaland are off to our rivals. We’d have to go big just to compete with those teams next season and Tuchel just today said that that’s the goal from day 1 next season. Lukaku seems happy at Inter and tbh why leave a situation where you’re going to win the league and are treated like a king? 
 

Not many world class strikers available. Aguero as a stopgap and pray he stays fit doesn’t sound like something a club targeting the PL title does.

We could challenge without a Kane or Haaland, if the following happens.

We get Agueto and he stays fit. Werner improves to about a decent, average level. Tammy stays fit and chips in with a dozen or so. Puli stays fit and plays like we know he can. Kai starts to be more consistent. CHO improves on his end product.  Yes, a number of ifs there, but all very possible.