The English Football Thread

[Atomiswave 6,072]

1 hour ago, DANILA said:

We're on pace for 64 points. Unless there will be the same shithousery like last season where LEI shit the bed, UTD suck for half their games, etc. we're in for a bigger battle than last season.

And thats not good enough imo, we should not be fighting for our lives to get top 4....no way.

[Vesper 28,779]

Friday December 18 2020 Football Nerd

Wolves go 83 goals without an Englishman finding the net — but which team holds the record? By Ben Bloom   Perhaps you didn't realise the significance of the Wolves victory over Chelsea on Tuesday night. No, not for Chelsea — but for the statisticians. Because by scoring the dramatic late winner, Pedro Neto took Wolves to 83 goals without a contribution from an English player. Nuno Espirito Santo's Portuguese revolution in Wolverhampton has been well documented, but the goals have also come from Belgium, Spain, Republic of Ireland, Morocco, France and Italy. As I've explained in this week's Football Nerd, what is even more extraordinary is that despite this streak, the club are not yet half way to matching the all-time record run of goals by imported players. Want more sport in your inbox? Sign up to receive our Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal newsletters     Have a great Christmas The Football Nerd is taking a break over the Christmas period. We'll be back on January 8.   A Telegraph Sport subscription is only £1 a week, or £40 for 12 months   Get unlimited access   The best of this week's coverage Analysis: How Liverpool's win over Tottenham so nearly went perfectly to plan for both managers Jamie Carragher: Father figure, mentor, friend — Gerard Houllier was the rock behind my Liverpool career Jim White: Patrice Evra broke football's omerta in revealing Thierry Henry story to give a rare glimpse into the unseen Man Utd v Leeds: The inside story of English football's most toxic rivalry Bilic exclusive: 'I realised on the coach back from Manchester City that I was being sacked' This week's screamer   "The fact is, as he never tires of telling anyone who will listen, he has never been relegated" Jim White laments the arrival of Sam Allardyce at West Brom     This week's best stat   20 Number of substitutions allowed in an FA cup match under a combination of proposed rule changes to ease player burnout and concussion risk across football.     The week in a picture CREDIT: JUSTIN SETTERFIELD/AFP West Ham's Sebastien Haller scores with a spectacular overhead kick to rescue a point against Crystal Palace on Wednesday night.

[Vesper 28,779]

The Fiver Christmas Awards 2020    Some 2020 moments – and not a mask in sight. Composite: Reuters/ITV/Shutterstock/PA/Grab Scott Murray Welcome to the 2020 Fiver Christmas Awards. We’ve long lost count of how many times we’ve done this, so don’t be expecting us to furnish you with a number now. All we know is, it’s been too many. You know it too. But despite the grinding familiarity and futility of it all, despite the absolute state of 2020, we go again. It’s a time-honoured festive tradition, see, like crackers, carols and government U-turns. So here it is, merry Christmas, everybody’s trudging on. Charge your glass with a generous shot of your cheapest aftershave, top it up with a little turps, dig out the packet of tablets you should have taken for your bad back a few months ago but decided to save for the holidays, and sink into a gorgeous haze of delight, the better to deal with the next few minutes of existence. Enjoy, enjoy. THE DAVID COOTE AWARD FOR VAR-RELATED BUZZKILL Here we are, then, with every single celebration now compromised, fans and players alike wondering what minute infraction, invisible to the naked eye, will be discovered by some glaikit po-faced bureaucrat desperate to find any reason whatsoever to spoil everyone’s fun. Are we allowed to celebrate yet? Just look at Scotland hero David Marshall, forced to wait for the check after his heroic penalty save against Serbia, the natural rhythm of the most euphoric moment of his career all jiggered. We could blame the officials who spend hours measuring the length of everyone’s armpit hair while missing manic career-threatening lunges, or the mandarins who signed off on all this technology in the first place. But this one goes to all the pompous techno-pedants who know the price of everything but the value of nothing, and proselytised for this fiasco for years. This is all on them. Pieces of work, every single one. THE LIONEL MESSI AWARD FOR BIGGEST FALLEN GIANT Granny Fiver remembers a time long ago, back in the 70s and 80s, when Barcelona were nothing more than a risible disgrace, tooling around kicking lumps out of folk , making a perennial show of themselves in Europe, straggling miles behind Real Sociedad in the league. Hey, at least they had no fancy notions. Now here we all are again, with the self-styled superclub trailing the Basques in La Liga by six points, having already lost to both Madrid clubs, minnows Cádiz, and Getafe, who are less a football club, more an abrupt exhortation to do one. But of course it all palls in comparison to that 8-2, a match during which Bayern Munich could quite feasibly have scored 13 or 14 goals. Barça more than a club all right. Més que un shower.  Oof. Photograph: Handout THE DOMINIC CUMMINGS AWARD FOR FRONTING UP LIKE A MAN As captain of Manchester United, Harry Maguire clocked up more than 200 hours of brutally honest post-match deconstruction, in which he held up his hands, fronted up, promised to do better and admitted it isn’t good enough for a club like Manchester United. Every minute of it delivered in a serious tone while wearing the Politician’s Frown of Grave Concern. Bravura performances. THE KENT COUNTY COUNCIL AWARD FOR ADROIT LORRY MANOEUVERABILITY And it’s another gong for £80m Harry Maguire!  Ah, the familiar squat of dejection. Photograph: DeFodi Images/Getty Images THE LEEDS-BLACKEYE ROVERS-LEICESTER AWARD FOR DETERMINED TITLE DEFENCE Hats off to Liverpool, whose absurd 7-2 defeat at Aston Villa was so comprehensive, Jack Grealish could have played most of the game wearing a slipper on one foot and a sandal on the other, just as he did when he had his collar felt during lockdown. It was the worst result suffered by a reigning champion in the top flight since Arsenal lost 7-1 at Sunderland in 1953. Speaking of which … THE ERIC CANTONA AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE IN CUSTOMER CARE Eric Dier, who calmly strode into the stands at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium with a view to engaging in Socratic dialogue with someone flapping their neck a bit too freely. Imagine the look on our brave critic’s face as a six-foot-two professional athlete bounded purposefully over row after row of seats, breathing through his nose, with a view to delivering a what-for! The Fiver pictures Withnail, seconds after asking who in the Mother Black Cap had called Marwood a “perfumed ponce”. THE ROBBIE SAVAGE AWARD FOR FILLING THE AIRWAVES WITH NONSENSE Before the recent Palace-Spurs match, Mr Roy, a man pathologically averse to using 10 words when a thousand will do, was asked for his opinion of the in-form duo of Harry Kane and Son Heung-min. “They’re just good players. Good players are good players, and good players are good players.” An insight into the philosophies and intellectual processes that have stood him in good stead during all those trophy-laden years at Halmstads and Malmö, to Orebo to Neuchatel Xamax, to the Swiss national team and beyond. THE RICHARD NIXON AWARD FOR VALEDICTORY SPEECH OF THE YEAR The one José Mourinho has already composed in his head, word for word, to be delivered when Spurs win the title next May. A smorgasbord of tasty items best served cold.  ‘Next on the list …’ Photograph: Phil Noble/Reuters THE PETER ALLISS MEMORIAL AWARD FOR GOING OFF-PISTE IN A GENUINELY AMUSING MANNER Ally McCoist walks away with this one, for his take on mean and moody Pope’s Newc O’Rangers striker Alfredo Morelos, caught sneering like the love child of Marlon Brando and Billy Idol upon getting the hook against Dundee United. “I’d like a night with him at the comedy club. Just to see if we could get a wee reaction. A wee Christmas night at the comedy club. Do you fancy a bit of that, Alfredo? I can guarantee there’s never been a joke in any cracker that’s made him smile.” THE PETER WALTON AWARD FOR UNCONDITIONAL AGREEMENT Yes, that’s right. THE SAM KINISON MEMORIAL AWARD FOR PERFORMATIVE ANGER All the lads at AFTV, some of whom we’re beginning to seriously worry about now. No good can come of getting this het up, not least because things could be a whole lot worse. When Len Shackleton did for the Gunners in that aforementioned 1953 thrashing, Arsenal were left rock bottom of the First Division with just two points after eight matches. Compared to that, Mikel Arteta’s rabble are on easy street. The 1953 vintage ended the season comfortably in 12th, so history tells us there’s no need to lose the head so spectacularly quite yet. Would any of you like a nice cuddle? We’ll give you a nice cuddle. THE FRIEDRICH HAYEK AWARD FOR MARXIST CRITIQUE The group of fans at neoliberal thinktank Millwall FC, who just before kick-off against Derby County cogently made the case for laissez-faire capitalism over centrally planned economies, arguing that the absence of price signals under a socialist structure compromises the efficiency with which goods and services are provided and distributed, all the while admitting a certain irony inherent in the collectivist nature of their protest. THE MAN-OF-THE-YEAR MARCUS RASHFORD AWARD FOR MAN WHO ISN’T MARCUS RASHFORD OF THE YEAR Boris Johnson. Because every superhero needs a villainous rival to lock horns with. Think Batman and the Joker, Luke and Darth Vader, Winston Churchill and … ah, well, you get the drift. THE DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA MEMORIAL AWARD FOR ANNOYING PETER SHILTON Gazza – a man who knows a thing or two about unique, complex, misunderstood, beloved geniuses – paying his respects to El Diego on whatever TV-AM is called now. “He was an icon. He was magic! A lot of people go on about the Hand of God. It made Peter Shilton anyway. Shilts, it made you, that goal.” Across the split screen, a purse-mouthed Shilton sat staring ahead in grim silence, gently seething, almost as though he’d just received news of a deal, and we’ve signed away rights to all the fish. "Shilts, it made you that goal!"  Classic Gazza on @GMB this morning discussing Diego Maradona's infamous 'Hand Of God' goal To see further tributes from Paul Gascoigne and Peter Shilton watch the full video: https://t.co/RtcN5XfHmq pic.twitter.com/wHT5OAbeP9 — ITV Football (@itvfootball) November 26, 2020 THE PAOLO ROSSI MEMORIAL AWARD FOR MOST ICONIC WORLD CUP HAT-TRICK OF ALL TIME With the greatest respect to Geoff Hurst, this goes to the great Italian himself. Not least because all of his goals against Brazil at España 82 definitely went in. BUMPER ONE-OFF FESTIVE TV & RADIO SPECIAL: ALL THE HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR PERIOD Right, aye. You are joking, aren’t you? MAIL! MAIL! MAIL! Send your emails, presents and Christmas cards to [email protected]. HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR, WE’LL BE BACK ON … OOF, MONDAY 4 JANUARY

[Beigl 1,387]

Liverpool leads after 3 minutes- already turned off the stream. 

[Vesper 28,779]

2020-21 English Premier League

Crystal Palace        
Liverpool                

http://www.sportnews.to/sports/2020/premier-league-crystal-palace-vs-liverpool-s1/

https://www.totalsportek.com/highlights/arsenal-vs-everton-2016-match/

 

[Vesper 28,779]

2 minutes ago, Beigl said:

Liverpool leads after 3 minutes- already turned off the stream. 

lol, I just got back in and put it up

damn I am psychic, I was just talking about Klopp improving Minamino

 

[Special Juan 27,424]

You can hate Liverpool as much as you want but the way they play, press, move the ball and constantly pick teams off is just sensational.

Not out of 2nd gear here and 3-0 up at HT.

 

[Laylabelle 9,351]

4 minutes ago, Special Juan said:

You can hate Liverpool as much as you want but the way they play, press, move the ball and constantly pick teams off is just sensational.

Not out of 2nd gear here and 3-0 up at HT.

 

And even with injuries..it doesnt matter. The odd blip game but majority of the time..

[Special Juan 27,424]

Everything is just clean, tidy and done at speed. The touch and finish from Firmino is world class.

[Jase 43,479]

All the more reason to just forget about title and just fucking focus on the Top 4...

[Laylabelle 9,351]

Its theirs to lose and no one looks up to challenging..boo lol.

[Special Juan 27,424]

4-0 this could be 9

[Vesper 28,779]

Pool are winning the league

calling it now

I feel confident making that call

[Jase 43,479]

4 minutes ago, Vesper said:

Pool are winning the league

calling it now

I feel confident making that call

Well that's what most people expected before the season started anyway, no? 

[LAM09 6,744]

Actually thought Palace might make things interesting. So much for that.

[Special Juan 27,424]

5-0

Patric Van Aanholt is absolute shite

[Laylabelle 9,351]

10 minutes ago, Jason said:

Well that's what most people expected before the season started anyway, no? 

Thought maybe City would challenge a little more then they are..still thought be Liverpools and whoever kept linking us was a bit deluded which has now passed lol

 Top 3 battle again the more intresting bit...hopefully we come out good

[MoroccanBlue 5,296]

Liverpool's players fitness is a little too sus