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The Fiver | An excitable goalkeeper, red and blue lines and a Dutchman's knee

 

MERSEY MAYHEM

As if seeing their team diddled out of victory over Everton on the back of an offside call so tight it resembled The Fiver clambering out of a pub toilet window to avoid getting in a round, Liverpool fans were forced to endure further horror when it emerged Virgil van Dijk will be out for many months after it was confirmed he had “done” his ACL and will need surgery followed by rehab.

In the interests of accuracy it should be pointed out that it was in fact Everton goalkeeper Jordan Pickford wot “done” big Virgil’s knee, knacking the joint in question with a reckless challenge that went completely unpunished because the video assistant referee, David Coote, was so focused on examining those red and blue dotted lines from the grass to the Dutchman’s knee he somehow missed the moment it exploded on impact with the excitable goalkeeper.

The upshot? The man responsible for the injury will miss no games, the official who failed to spot it has been stood down for next weekend and the completely innocent victim may miss the rest of the season. While Jürgen Klopp has yet to comment publicly on the matter, The Fiver suspects the German’s reaction upon having his worst fears confirmed may not have been entirely dissimilar to that of you-know-who when he loses the plot in that scene from Downfall.

In a Premier League weekend jam-packed with incident and Aston Villa’s win over Leicester, José Mourinho could have been forgiven for turning the air blue with loud effs and jeffs after seeing his team throw away a three-goal lead in the last eight minutes against West Ham. “For you, I prefer to say football happened and praise West Ham’s belief,” he told one post-match interrogator. And for his players? “At this point I say nothing,” he intoned, although afternoon reports of a giant mushroom cloud hovering over Tottenham’s training ground suggest he may finally have broken his silence.

Among the weekend’s other headline-makers, Sergio Agüero prompted varying degrees of outrage for grabbing Sian Massey-Ellis by the shoulder, following a dispute over a throw-in. While the gesture has been analysed to within an inch of its life and led to various social media and radio phone-in seminars in which assorted blokes mansplain what women should and should not feel intimidated by, Pep Guardiola insisted there was Nothing To See Here, because: “Sergio is the nicest guy I have ever met in my life.” That may well be the case and nice-guy Sergio may have meant no harm, but like the results of a certain Dutchman’s scan it did not make for pleasant viewing.

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Nick Ames for red-hot minute-by-minute coverage of Leeds 4-3 Wolves at 8pm BST.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“Milano never had a king, but now they have a GOD” 

Zlatan stays humble after his two goals against Inter gave Milan their first derby win in four years. For more on the big man’s display in a wild weekend of Serie A football, read Nicky Bandini’s weekly blog.

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Eng media is fucking pathetic, have you seen the outcry from all corners crying for vvd? Its so fucking silly, as always when pool is involved they cant stop moaning. They act like this is a first, some even demanding Pickford to be banned as long as vvd is out, bloody hell and they get paid for such horse shit? Shameful and disgusting.

 

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10 hours ago, Atomiswave said:

Of course he did, he himself is a pool cunt. These so called experts and pundits have no shame, they cant throw their bias to the wind while on tele.

Its not even that. I don't think he's as hugely biased, just lacks any genuine knowledge bar the usual saying teams ran about and showed 'desire' like he must of said about Huddersfield under David Wagner 1000000 times despite the fact they played arguably the worst football that I think I have seen in the PL, honestly and I am sure like many on here, have seen a tonne of shit football in the PL from recently promoted teams bar Wolves, Swansea, Southampton arguably.

Danny Murphy 100% played against JT, Vidic, Ferdinand, Sol Campbell, Desailly, Carvalho over the span of his career, who were all better for longer periods also in the PL. Suppose though his usual analysis consists of "they run about, showed passion and desire" then that's it because he knows fuck all about football. 

Similarly to Jermaine Jenas also although he maybe isn't half as bad but again, there's a reason these guys are sitting in a studio on the BBC and aren't coaches/managers, especially guys like Jenas going by the way he talks or does analysis for BBC thinks he was some sort of top top player who achieved a lot in football at the top level. I still piss myself thinking of that time he said Spurs should of beat us in that semi final under Pochettino when Conte was our coach and we won 4-2. Shearer and Lampard ended him there and then. 

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While I know it doesn't necessarily apply to everyone I think Carragher and Neville (that Valencia job is laughable but again he was never ready for that although he was a coach with England IIRC) are the exceptions and Roy Keane is brilliant for me because he doesn't hold back but he has previous managerial/coaching experience even if it wasn't hugely successful. 1 because they know what their talking about and 2 because you know they played at the top level for that long and won big trophies, so they've experienced a lot of these bigger games which they tend to cover more often than not. 

 

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