Leif

If we don't win this game, I will literally wax off my pubes.

Oh for fuck sake. Why are commentators and reporters in this country always so shit? Referring to Oscar, the commentator says "Just cost Chelsea £25million". ffs. I'm pretty sure we have paid 10million EUROS, and will eventually pay another 15 million EUROS on top of that.

Everything on the pitch seems to slow down when he gets on the ball today - but in a good way. He's having less influence on the game than usual though. He does indeed seem better a bit deeper where he can collect the ball.

Tut tut tut. Should give credit - https://twitter.com/MathewNash89

I'd personally love for us to adopt a Brazil-like (or Arsenal-like) 4-2-3-1/4-3-3/4-2-1-3/whatever you want to call it. It would get the best out of Oscar I assume, but unfortunately it would probably make Mata less prominent over on the left wing. The 'double pivot' would then be altered slightly. Instead of having 2 defensive minded midfielders, we could go with 1 defensive + 1 box-to-box, or anything really.

We started the game with only 1 new signing. Real Madrid started their games with youth players who have never played a pro game in their lives and still banged in tonnes and looked confident.

Manchester City, Real Madrid, etc. have all looked fantastic during pre-season. Why can they look like the brilliant league winners they are and we look like this?

They've also played less pre-season games than us, the combined age of their starting defence was around 200 years old, they're using their back-up 'keeper, and unless I'm having a memory fart, they didn't start with a single natural striker. What excuse does everyone have for this? "It's pre-season" isn't good enough for European fucking Champions.

Look, everyone can bang on about "IT'S JUST PRE-SEASON, YOU'RE NOT A REAL CHELSEA FAN! HOW DARE YOU CRITICIZE OUR PLAYERS! ROT IN A HOLE YOU SCUM!", but the fact is, not a single player of ours has looked anything close to a European Champion during pre-season.

Luiz and anyone doesn't work.

Hazard meant that.

Why on earth is Lamps taking our corners? Would make more sense IMO having Hazard take them, with Lamps lurking outside the box and taking a shot if the ball falls to him.

Problems (in my opinion) - Lukaku (nothing needs to be said) Meireles (nothing needs to be said) Both our CM's/CDM's, whatever you want to call them, are slow and average passers. They've also been programmed over the years to play defensive football in general. They're passing backwards and sidewards far too much, and when they do pass forward, it's often not accurate. Ivanovic is having a very off night. Luiz is the 'holy boy' of most Chelsea fans so he's not allowed to be commented on, so I'll just say that I wish Terry - Cahill was our #1 centre-back pairing. (I simply feel that a Terry - Luiz partnership is awful. Terry needs to 'worry' more when partnered with Luiz, and therefore can't have 100% concentration like he does when playing w/Cahill.) We need to track down Bertrand, and give him brain surgery so that he's right-footed. That's our right-back problem solved. Ramires has just been meh.

Is Oscar plays out wide I will cry. We desperately need a creative CM who's composed and is a brilliant passer. ._.

Fuck off ref you motherfucking fuckhead fucking cunt.

OMG, PLEASE Ivan, stop crossing SO LOW! OUR PLAYERS CANNOT HEAD THE BALL IN WITH THEIR KNEE CAPS!

Ivanovic isn't taking his time enough with his passing. I don't like it.

When Meireles tries passing the ball it's as if it's been covered in olive oil! Silly Italians, putting olive oil on everything! I blame Allegri!

We should try playing with a striker.

BAH GAWD, KING. LUKAKU HIT RAMIRES WITH THE STEEL CHAIR! THE STEEL CHAIR, KING! HE'S BUSTED HIM OPEN!

Are the crowd chanting "CENA, CENA, CENA!!!!" ?

Also, I'm not taking the piss here - I'm not saying he's playing badly or anything, but judging by a few movements and decisions etc. I think Ivanovic had too much for lunch. Looks like he had spaghetti.

ffs. Call me "anti-Chelsea" as much as you like, but I absolutely despise Meireles. Always have.

This game is perfect for Marin tbh. Would absolutely destroy them. Meireles off for him later please <3.

I forgot Lukaku was playing.