Liquidator

He looks like a waxwork that's just started to melt

Wish we'd play the youth for this. As well as Jose and the board it is the spineless first team squad who got us into this mess but they are clearly incapable of getting us out of it so what do we have to lose? With a bit of luck we might play them in their actual positions rather than at full back. Drop Courtois. He's rubbish. Drop Ivan and Cahill. Keep Azpi. He actually tries. Pedro can sit on the bench and Hazard can too if he's finished framing Di Maria's shirt. Fortunately Costa will be banned anyway because he can't act like a grown up on the pitch. Obviously none of this will actually happen and it will be another painful 90 minutes watching that sister shagging fuckwotsit Oscar misplace 5 yard passes, Cahill backing off Payet all the way to Fulham Road and Pedro dribbling the ball off the pitch like a Labrador playing fetch. We will go 1-0 up and concede a late equaliser, probably from another corner that Tbo misses and tucked away by their shittest player at the Shed end with half our players somehow on the floor or bundled on each other and tangled in the back of the net like a school of sardines captured in the Atlantic. Don't argue. It's a fact. It happened against Bournemouth, Southampton, Stoke, Watford, Palace and all sorts of other shite

One of us indeed, Jose.

Don't worry we've signed quality replacements already: Michael Hector from the almighty Reading FC Papy Djilobuoujouji might turn out to be next Baresi when he returns from his loan That American geezer who we only signed because he's pretty

Ivanovic captain next season hahahahaha

Are there any leaders left in the dressing room now? Even if he plays 50% of the games he's still worth having around purely for his presence and what he can teach Zouma and whoever that geezer we signed yesterday is

That jawline is worth half a million on its own

looks like the kind of cunt who stands topless outside Hollister wearing only flip flops and swimming shorts.

Why are you so good at making me look like a twat?

She was shit at giving head anyway

Absolute banter when your girlfriend leaves you 3 days before Christmas for absolutely no clear reason and totally cuts off communication with you. Absolute banter that.

Absolute bantz if we beat them 1-0 with an injury time winner for the 3rd consecutive season. Won't happen though, we'll probably go 2-1 up with 20 minutes to play and end up drawing or losing with one of their worst players scoring. Pre match parklife is the only plus these days of playing at home

£100m could buy us 4 Juan Cuadrados or even better 11 Mohamed Salahs

Would rather douse myself in my own excrement than watch us play under Brendan the transvestite shagger next season

Don't even think about appointing fatty again, Chelsea. If that fucking waiter-lookalike, black tie-wearing, excuse mongering shitstain comes anywhere near being appointed by Chelsea we riot

I'd give my right bollock for him to stay and sell that fraud Oscar instead

It's just turd isn't it?

I expect we will sell him and not replace him if our board are going to be true to form this season. Either that or we will go after Neymar and end up with Victor Anichebe

it isn't like we can even praise him for working hard. so fucking lazy jogging into the box when we were counter attacking

Oscar was so, so poor again

Papy on the bench and Lord Michael Hector just sent off for Reading. This is the banter season

just stuck a quid on him to score would win £41

might get pissed and stick a fiver on Papi to score the winner

state of that bench even worse than the bench last time we went to Old Trafford as defending champions...

Djiliboujabilijibilouji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's aliiiveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!