The Cricket Thread

[boshman 1,073]

Stuart Broad.... take a fucking bow you legend!!!

[BlueLion. 21,491]

Holders of day 3 tickets will be getting twitchy

Fuck them.... I've got tickets for Day 4! Ah well, either I'm there to see us win the Ashes, which is priceless, or, if it's done by then, I get a full refund. Win win, either way.

[Iggy Doonican 4,186]

Australian cricket team applies for political asylum

The Australian cricket team has applied for political asylum this afternoon, claiming they face severe mental and physical abuse if they return to their home country.

Lawyers representing the team have claimed that the abuse they will face if returned home cannot be expressed in the English Language, largely because that’s not what Australians actually speak.

The Home Office is reported to be taking the application extremely seriously after spending about five minutes reading their fellow countrymen’s comments on Twitter.

“My God, the abuse,” a clearly shaken Home Office spokesman told us. “Some of it is frankly indescribable.”

“To be honest some of it is incomprehensible, as well. What the heck is ‘a pack of drongoes worse than a wombat’s arse and a dead dingoes donger of runs?'” He asked.

“Whatever it is, it sounds pretty serious to us.”

Members of the team fear serious reprisals from fellow Australians, and are reported to be hiding out in the dressing room under armed guard.

Meanwhile migrants at Sangatte are reported to have formed a cricket team and are currently challenging all comers in the hope it’ll boost their chances.

[Fulham Broadway 16,867]

THE wicket at Trent Bridge can cure the sick, it has been claimed.

After England’s inexplicable display against Australia, fans are bringing ill relatives to Nottingham to rub their affected body parts against the sacred pitch.

Julian Cook, from Stevenage, said: “Many of us are refusing to leave, fearing that if we do the spell will be broken.

“Therefore we have invited sickly friends and relatives to join us so that they may commune with the Holy Wicket of Broad and be healed.”

Roy Hobbs, from Peterborough, added: “I can handle a devastating display of bowling followed by a batting collapse, or somebody putting on a magisterial but ultimately futile century, but for both to happen on the same day means we have crossed into the realm of the supernatural.

“Look at this – I’ve tossed this coin 427 times since the match and it’s come up heads, but with a portrait of Joe Root, each time. What can it mean?”

[Iggy Doonican 4,186]

One of the reasons Bob Willis retired was extras went on the bowlers figures. So under the old system Broad's figures would be even more impressive 8 for 7 i think.

[Duppy Conqueror 1,494]

think I`ll phone my relatives in Adelaide....I never call them at Christmas,new year,birthdays etc..but love to when we win the Ashes..if I got a friend around I ask them if they have ever heard somebody have a stroke on the phone.then hit the loud speaker button...

[BlueLion. 21,491]

@,

BATMAN'S

PARADISE

HAHAHAHA

[Spike 12,049]

It was a sympathy win. After tumbling out of the World Cup and the 405 thumping we just had to let the baby have it's bottle. We can't be too dominant, we don't want to kill interest in the sport with the younger pommie generation.

[BlueLion. 21,491]

It was a sympathy win. After tumbling out of the World Cup and the 405 thumping we just had to let the baby have it's bottle. We can't be too dominant, we don't want to kill interest in the sport with the younger pommie generation.

[Fulham Broadway 16,867]

Fuck them.... I've got tickets for Day 4! Ah well, either I'm there to see us win the Ashes, which is priceless, or, if it's done by then, I get a full refund. Win win, either way.

well done, must have been a great day. Better than being at Stamford Bridge !

[Iggy Doonican 4,186]

[KevinAshburner 1,270]

the Bermuda cricket brawl during a Match

Altercation At Cricket Match, Sept 12 2015

http://sports.ndtv.com/cricket/news/248932-bermuda-national-cricketer-jason-anderson-handed-life-ban-after-ugly-brawl-in-match

http://www.espncricinfo.com/bermuda/content/story/922573.html

http://www.cricket.com.au/news/bermuda-cricket-match-marred-by-brawl-player-jason-anderson-life-ban/2015-09-22

[BlueLion. 21,491]

England enduring a torrid series in the UAE against Pakistan. Changes needed.

My team:

Cook *

Hales

Taylor

Root

Bairstow †

Stokes

Ali

Rashid

Broad

Wood

Anderson

• Bell offers nothing. Averaging 19 across his last twenty tests, which simply isn't good enough. I would drop him and bring in James Taylor, who is inventive with his shot selection but more importantly can stick around to build partnerships.
• Give Bairstow the gloves and drop Buttler. Buttler is undoubtedly the better gloveman of the two, but Bairstow brings more attacking power with the bat. Buttler is another who has been pony with the bat in long-format cricket over the past 12 months.
• Demote Ali to number 7, ahead of Rashid, who should come in at 8. He is a square peg in a round hole - bring in Hales who actually is an opener. Yes, he'll often get out cheaply, but he would be the perfect foil to the more industrious Cook - if he goes for 30, it'll be a quick 30, rather than a run-every-sixth-ball.

[KevinAshburner 1,270]

espncricinfo.com - live matches - updates every 30 seconds

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/index.html?view=live

__________________________________________________________________

5 DAY TEST CRICKET MATCHES - STARTING TODAY THURSDAY 5 NOVEMBER 2015

__________________________________________________________________

New Zealand tour of Australia, 1st Test: Australia v New Zealand at Brisbane, November 5-9, 2015

Match scheduled to begin at 10:00 local time (00:00 - ENGLAND TIME | 13:00 NZDT)

(LIVE SCORECARD MATCH CENTRE)

http://www.espncricinfo.com/australia-v-new-zealand-2015-16/engine/match/892509.html

__________________________________________________________________

South Africa tour of India, 1st Test: India v South Africa at Mohali, Nov 5-9, 2015

Match scheduled to begin at 09:30 local time (04:00 - ENGLAND TIME | 17:00 NZDT)

(LIVE SCORECARD MATCH CENTRE)

http://www.espncricinfo.com/india-v-south-africa-2015-16/engine/match/903603.html

__________________________________________________________________

skysports.com/cricket - AUSTRALIA vs NEW ZEALAND.

http://www.skysports.com/live-scores/cricket/australia-v-new-zealand/16663

skysports.com/cricket - INDIA vs SOUTH AFRICA

http://www.skysports.com/live-scores/cricket/india-v-south-africa/16759

__________________________________________________________________

Edited November 4, 2015 by KevinAshburner

[DavidEU 2,023]

<p>

England enduring a torrid series in the UAE against Pakistan. Changes needed.

My team:

Cook *

Hales

Taylor

Root

Bairstow

Stokes

Ali

Rashid

Broad

Wood

Anderson

South Africa over Christmas and New Year. To be honest, that batting line up really worries me. Think pretty much everyone that watches English cricket is praying that Root and Cook can bat most of the day to save the third test and tie the series because once they go, we'll probably collapse.

We've got problems in our second opener, number 3, keeper, and probably Stokes too. Stokes is no where near consistent enough with bat or ball to warrant a place for me.

[BlueLion. 21,491]

South Africa over Christmas and New Year. To be honest, that batting line up really worries me. Think pretty much everyone that watches English cricket is praying that Root and Cook can bat most of the day to save the third test and tie the series because once they go, we'll probably collapse.

We've got problems in our second opener, number 3, keeper, and probably Stokes too. Stokes is no where near consistent enough with bat or ball to warrant a place for me.

Ali shouldn't be batting as an opener. For me, Compton should have been given a second go and he was pretty solid; but if they're going to look elsewhere, it needs to be Hales.

Stokes, I disagree on. Taken 30-odd wickets and scored 1600 runs this year. Genuine all-rounders are like gold-dust and he does a decent enough job with bat (averages in the 30s) and with the ball (capable of unreal spells, look at the second Aussie innings of the Trent Bridge Ashes test on day 3).

But our team is pretty weak and some more young blood needs to come through. Bell is on borrowed time yet IMO.

[DavidEU 2,023]

Ali shouldn't be batting as an opener. For me, Compton should have been given a second go and he was pretty solid; but if they're going to look elsewhere, it needs to be Hales.

Stokes, I disagree on. Taken 30-odd wickets and scored 1600 runs this year. Genuine all-rounders are like gold-dust and he does a decent enough job with bat (averages in the 30s) and with the ball (capable of unreal spells, look at the second Aussie innings of the Trent Bridge Ashes test on day 3).

But our team is pretty weak and some more young blood needs to come through. Bell is on borrowed time yet IMO.

Think we'll probably hear something regarding Bell tomorrow mate. Either a retirement or a short term break.

Surely there are more options in and around the county scene to come in? I agree that Hales should probably come in and open but it's getting ridiculous how many openers we've had since Strauss packed in.

[BlueLion. 21,491]

Think we'll probably hear something regarding Bell tomorrow mate. Either a retirement or a short term break.

Surely there are more options in and around the county scene to come in? I agree that Hales should probably come in and open but it's getting ridiculous how many openers we've had since Strauss packed in.

Not realistically.

From a spin bowling perspective all we're seeing in the LVCC is Zafar Ansari, who has obviously missed out on this tour because of injury. Pace bowlers, well, there's a few of them. Harry Gurney from my team, Notts, was an experiment in the limited overs team a year or two back but has failed to show consistent quality. Probably the best shout at the minute is the Durham seamer, Chris Rushworth, but he is very, very similar to Mark Wood and therefore wouldn't offer anything "new".

Batting is where we're struggling. Gary Ballance has done a decent job since going away to work on his game at Yorkshire, and there's also Alex Lees from the same county who is an option. I've always liked Luke Wright as an all-rounder but for some reason he's never been given the opportunity in the long format. I'm a fan of Scott Borthwick, who'd bring some genuine spin to the table, as well. Second-top run scorer in the LVCC last year. Obviously there's also Michael Carberry at Hampshire who's been around the England set-up before and not been given a real chance.

There is only one option for the gloves and that is Chris Read, but after the way he was treated by England back in the day, I couldn't imagine him wanting to come back. He'd only ever be a short-term option as he's already 37.