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Once, in Primary School, I had a very scary teacher who was doing art with us. She gave me her special brown pen so I could colour something in as all the other brown pens were being used.

I broke the pen, and was too scared to say anything.

So I went to the toilet with the drawing I wanted to colour in brown and took a big shit on the floor. I then got a paper towel and picked some of the poo up, took it over to a sink and tried to make it into a paste by adding a little water.

I then dabbed my index finger into the poo mixture and simply stroked the areas of my drawing I wanted brown.

I just wanted to share that with you all.

Once, when I was a little boy, I got a huge need for shit. So I excused myself and went to the nearest toilet. For 5-10 minutes I was in complete heaven, I actually thought I'd died and was about to get it on with 77 virgins. Anyway, once the euphoria had passed, I started skimming and scanning for paper. THERE WAS NONE! Oh the horror. I did what every intelligent being would have done, I wiped with my hand. Obviously it wasn't effective enough, so I had no choice but to smear my trousers in chocolate pudding. I then got out of the toilet in stealth mode so nobody would spot me. With my hand reeking and behind squishing, I made it to my target - a loo upstairs. There I found the ugly truth that there was no paper either. I was distraught. Sadly I don't remember what happened next, but I probably escaped and went home.

Moral of the story: always check for paper before loosening your sphincter.

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I think I'm gonna attempt to grow a Juan Mata-esque beard.. well when I say attempt I mean not shave for ages until I have a beard...

How many years will that take? 3-5?

Matas beard is one of a kind. You cant recreate that shit.

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How many years will that take? 3-5?

Matas beard is one of a kind. You cant recreate that shit.

When Mata first signed he didn't have a beard, it took him like 3 months to grow that bushy bastard of a beard. I'm willing to wait 3 months...

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When Mata first signed he didn't have a beard, it took him like 3 months to grow that bushy bastard of a beard. I'm willing to wait 3 months...

Have fun! lol

It will just get ridiculous after 3 weeks or so. At least that's how it looked like when I wanted to do a Mata till I shaved a couple of days ago :lol:

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