🇨🇮 Salomon Kalou

[Madmax 9,219]

Cap, are you just trolling or is Kalou genuinely your favourite player? I don't dislike any Chelsea player, but he frustrated the fuck out of me 99% of the time.

First time for everything I suppose. Cap, is the shot of Kalou's peachy ass your dream porn image?

[capriccioso 2,545]

Cap, are you just trolling or is Kalou genuinely your favourite player? I don't dislike any Chelsea player, but he frustrated the fuck out of me 99% of the time.

I am not trolling. He is me, basically. All guts and hard work, little talent to show for it. Mirrors my academic career thus far really well, I only got to uni by grafting in the subjects I have no aptitude for (thats all of them excluding history).

Those of you who follow cycling may see an even better comparison to me in Joaquim Rodriguez (a bloke who's utter rubbish at everything except climbing).

[capriccioso 2,545]

KieranVogel asked me the same question a couple of pages back:

Oh yes. He is basically a football version of me, little talent and all work rate.

Nothing on the official site about him being let go, so I assume they either have included him in the retained players list or are holding last ditch negotiations.

[BlueLion. 21,491]

Hah, I like it. In that case your liking of the player is acceptable.

I'd compare myself to Joey Barton. Bit of a cunt tbh.

[capriccioso 2,545]

Also fans young and old tend to like a player who always tries his hardest and leaves nothing on the pitch. Aah, if he had a bit more skill. What could have been.

I think he is (or was) a kind of cult hero here. Chanting KALOUUUUUUUUUUU when he comes on, those key goals, that banner Drogba had in Munich all bear the hallmarks of someone who is at least somewhat popular.

[Spike 12,049]

Hah, I like it. In that case your liking of the player is acceptable.

I'd compare myself to Joey Barton. Bit of a cunt tbh.

Do you also extinguish cigars in people's eyes? If you do, I'll go drinking with you.

I consider myself like Joe Cole. Stylish, but in the end useless.

[capriccioso 2,545]

Hmm. I think I will break my article duck and knock up an emotional piece when he leaves.

[We Hate Scouse 10,326]

Can someone give me Michael Emenalo's phone number?

If you get it can I have it as well....I'd like to thank him for getting rid of such an awful player

[capriccioso 2,545]

If you get it can I have it as well....I'd like to thank him for getting rid of such an awful player

Why be mean

I have an exam on Thursday. I shall prepare that emotive masterpiece in a few days time. I promise it will bring a tear to all who read it

[We Hate Scouse 10,326]

Why be mean

Sorry mate, couldn't resist! It isn't official yet anyway...

[TomCFC 357]

The Guardian still claim that he and Bosingwa have been released, so I'm hopeful that the Schalke deal is sorted out soon.

[capriccioso 2,545]

Yes, but that Guardian article didn't have a single quote and I've never heard of a retained players list being released to the media so early.

There's always hope. I've been trying to convince myself of this for a few days now. No thanks to We Hate Scouse

[BlueLion. 21,491]

I have nothing against Kalou. I made an article a while back defending him, my attitude has not at all changed. He gave it all on the pitch, even if that wasn't good enough. However, I like a trier, so I rarely had many real complaints against him.

That's why we love Salomon Kalou

14th May 2011, In Articles, by Alex Hinsley

To use the most commercialised on clichés, Salomon Kalou is the football equivalent of Marmite – you either love him, or you hate him.

In truth, there is something posing a decent argument for the latter. Some Chelsea supporters think Kalou is not quite Blues quality, saying that youngsters like Gael Kakuta and Daniel Sturridge should be given the time the Ivorian has on the pitch to aid their development. Some Chelsea supporters think that he is far too inconsistent to be starting eleven material, citing his enigmatic displays in an unfamiliar position limit his usefulness.

Some Chelsea fans, therefore, are incredibly ignorant.

Not only is Kalou one of our most effective attacking players in terms of goals-per-minute on the pitch – which, this season, is better than any other player in Chelsea colours save Frank Lampard or Daniel Sturridge – but, refreshingly, his head in the right place for a footballer. Image rights, wage bills and bonuses mean little to Kalou in comparison to the bigger picture. He wouldn't trade his integrity for success on the pitch. He is a gentleman footballer who gets on the with the game. As a player, he may have his shortcomings, but as a person, there are fewer nicer people on a football pitch than the young Ivorian.

Still only 25 years old, Kalou has played more than 220 times for Chelsea Football Club (a surprisingly large percentage of which being substitute appearances) and netted fifty-five times in that time. Whilst his goalscoring exploits and tally of assists make for impressive reading in isolation, his work-rate and professional attitude to the sport is something which warms the heart when you consider no end of footballing 'superstars' bitching about playing out of position. Kalou simply gets on with it, and ultimately offers nothing short of his best in each and every match.

Though his best is sometimes unfortunately not quite good enough, such an attitude to the sport is commendable. Greater still is the fact his heart is worn quite obviously on his sleeve, and yet for a man so short of years, Kalou demonstrates a resounding maturity and a stunning ability to put football firmly into perspective as merely being the sport it is.

In 2010, Kalou opened the eponymous 'Kalou Foundation' in his native Cote d'Ivoire, which is "dedicated to providing facilities for social welfare and recreation of those who have need of such facilities by reason of youth, age, infirmity or disability, financial hardship or social circumstances and also for the relief of sickness worldwide." And with his family embroiled in the Ivorian civil war, Kalou finds himself distracted by the thought of losing loved ones to turmoil and conflict. Put aside the footballer, and a wholly decent human being can be seen inside Chelsea's number 21.

His contribution on the pitch is also greatly appreciated by the majority of Chelsea fans. This season has seen him score an impressive 13 goals despite making just 23 starts, and with eight assists to his name, Kalou has also been Chelsea's most-effective impact player from the substitutes' bench; his equaliser against Everton in the FA Cup the clearest indicator of his composure in front of goal and his overall contribution to the team.

And still he is criticised by some sections of the Stamford Bridge faithful.

Effective as a central striker, a second forward in a 4-4-2 or equally creative on the right wing, Kalou's sporadic form may well undermine his attempts to become a first team regular under Carlo Ancelotti – but when you consider that since his arrival at the club he has been coached by Jose Mourinho, Avram Grant, Luiz Felipe Scolari, Guus Hiddink and our incumbent Italian tactician, Kalou has always been an integral part of the Chelsea team.

In this, his sixth season as a Chelsea player, Kalou has yet to demonstrate the exciting potential he showed at Feyenoord. Though he often hits a purple patch and excels – particularly late last season, where a hat-trick against Stoke City and a run in the side that won an unprecedented Double underlined his occasional brilliance – it cannot be denied he has yet to reach the heights his hefty price tag indicated he may well one day achieve.

Nevertheless, Kalou is a consummate professional who tries his best on and off the pitch. His excellent attitude is applied whatever position he is playing – Ancelotti could ask him to fill in at right-back and Kalou would most likely have no objections. His versatility makes him the sort of impact player who is perfect for the Blues – whether in a starting berth or from the bench as an impact substitute. Add in the fact he possesses the only bit of genuine pace and trickery with the ball any of our supposed 'wingers' have, Kalou makes for an exciting player to watch when in full flow.

And don't forget, not so long ago, he crossed the ball in from the left, and it landed right on Riise's head…

[capriccioso 2,545]

Perhaps in a way it is good that he will be leaving along Bosingwa. During the latter days of their Blue careers the inclusion of one in the team meant the other had to play.

[Blue Armour 4,439]

I have nothing against Kalou. I made an article a while back defending him, my attitude has not at all changed. He gave it all on the pitch, even if that wasn't good enough. However, I like a trier, so I rarely had many real complaints against him.

That last line of the article...

[zolayes 14,489]

wish him well and hope he gets more appreciation from his new fans than he got here.

[didierforever 7,349]

hazard's signin makes it all but official. liked the guy but he did make that tough a lot of times. anyways a true and loyal (squad) player of cfc, and kind of disappointed to see him leave.

[Shane 2,275]

Time for Marin, De Bruyne, Hazard and Hulk to shine on the wings.

Thanks for everything Soloman.

[didierforever 7,349]

Time for Marin, De Bruyne, Hazard and Hulk to shine on the wings.

Thanks for everything Soloman.

please no hulk.

[capriccioso 2,545]

If he goes to Liverpool, Arse or the Yids