Fulham Broadway

Defending champions Egypt are through to the semi-finals after beating a spirited Angola 2-1. They are joined in the last four by Cameroon, for whom Stephane Mbia swooped for a winner in extra time to give them a 3-2 victory over Tunisia having already held the lead twice during the game. Think Ivory Coast will do it though

Irish Independent Didier Drogba withdrew from all future African awards yesterday with a furious attack on the Confederation Africain de Football (CAF). The Chelsea striker had been widely expected to be named as CAF's African Player of the Year Award, but when the winner was announced and the Ballon d'Or trophy presented in Lome, Togo, last Friday, it went to Frederic Kanoute. Drogba insists that he had been informed he would not win the award only because of his refusal to leave his squad mid-tournament to make an eight-hour journey from the Ivory Coast's training base in Takoradi to Lome for the presentation ceremony. He had considered going, but decided that his squad should not be without their captain after the death earlier in the week of Uli Stielike's son. Stielike stood down from his position as Ivory Coast coach a fortnight before the tournament as he returned to Hanover to be with his ailing son. "In the end I declined to go to the ceremony,'' Drogba said. "I did that for my team-mates and because within the group we had been through an unfortunate death. I was going to send my wife to the awards in case there was a prize to receive, when I was informed by somebody from CAF that she would not be welcomed, and that the rules could change if I wasn't there and the award be given to the person who had finished second. That shocked me.'' Given that Drogba's Chelsea team-mate Michael Essien was also named on the three-man shortlist and also refused to go to Lome, it could easily be that Kanoute finished only third. Drogba celebrated his goal in Ivory Coast's 5-0 quarter-final victory over Guinea with particular ostentation, and then held his No 11 shirt in front of the TV cameras as he was substituted late on, making his point to CAF. "From now on I've decided to withdraw from all voting for CAF awards,'' he went on. "It has lost a lot of value in my opinion.''

Source ? Concern for Benayoun, Lol, the Israelis dont even allow the Palestinians to play football, let alone have electricity or food and water. Well thats ok then, Grant will be a qualified manager. Maybe he could start at Crewe or Doncaster or somewhere, so we could get someone competently experienced.

He's certainly a promising possibility. Might get some coercion from Anelka being a young Muslim as well. He's certainly benefitted from playing around the likes of Wiltord, Govou, Juninho etc. and you can guarantee his price will more than likely go through the roof after Euro 2008 -though as you say money should be no object with our finances.

Definitely some funny ones on that site; THE RESEARCHER developing an intelligent bra says there is ‘no way’ it is finished and that he may have to carry on studying women’s breasts for decades. This generation's Apollo ProgrammeDr Tom Logan, head of breasts at the Tits Institute, said reports his bra research was complete were ‘irresponsible’, and could stop women volunteering to help with his work. He said: “I would love to say that my intelligent bra was now a reality, I really would, but I think I will probably end up working on this project for the rest of my life.” Dr Logan has devoted his life to developing a super-bra that will stop women’s breasts bouncing around during exercise, but with very limited success so far. Unlike rival researchers who use sophisticated laser measuring techniques to gauge levels of bounce Dr Logan personally observes his volunteers using his bras as they jog before him on a treadmill. He said: “I only got into this line of work by accident after my university rejected my initial proposal to look into intelligent panties. But it has proved hugely rewarding.” Most of the research takes place in Dr Logan’s office, which is equipped with a treadmill, video camera, heavy curtains and tissues. All joggers are asked to wear blindfolds to prevent anything they see interfering with the experiments, while Dr Logan always removes his trousers in case they affect the results. He added: “People often ask me what possible scientific benefit can arise from spending hours in a darkened room watching a woman with large breasts jog on the spot on front of you in a not very supportive bra. Imagine if they had said that to Einstein? He would never have invented the atom bomb.”

: Tribal quoting The People is like Billy Liar quoting Pinnochio though.

Ha Ha Ha ! That cracked me as well. 'LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS FUCKING RAT' SAY ZOOLOGISTS A NEW species of giant rat has been discovered in a remote region of New Guinea by a team of totally freaked-out zoologists. 'You fucking catch it'The scientists from Conservation International spotted the 'absolutely mental thing' during a five-day trek through the hazardous Foja mountains. Expedition leader Professor Wayne Hayes said: "I was filling my water bottle when I saw this huge fucking thing and I shouted to my mate Dave, I said, 'Dave, look at the size of that fucker!' and Dave was like, 'Jesus Christ, it's a fucking monster! "I shouted over to Stevie and Ben, I said, 'get a look at this bastard' and they're like 'no way, man, that's mental' - they were totally freaking out." Professor Hayes added: "Ben was like, 'that's a rat, it's totally a rat' and I was going, 'naah, it's some kind of freaky beaver or a weird-looking, fucked-up cat.'" Dr David Hobbs added: "I was like, 'that's a mutant otter or something, it's bigger than my dog, for Christ's sake' and Wayne was saying we should catch it, and I was like, 'you fucking catch it'. "So anyway, we tell Stevie that it's his turn to catch something and he's like totally pissed off, but he tears after it anyway, shouting, 'come here you dirty big bastard, I want to take your picture'." Dr Steven McKay added: "We also trapped this manky little thing with huge eyes which they reckon is maybe a possum or a really big gerbil. "Dave tried to give it a fruit pastille but it wasn't interested."

Lol some of them are quite funny -''Scotland dies Laughing'' and ''DSS to fund Liverpool takeover'' and this one GOVERNMENT TO TACKLE BINGE-WANKING THE legal age for masturbation is to be raised to 18 as part of a series of measures aimed at tackling binge-wanking among teenage boys. "There's nothing else to do round here. We need a pool table"Supermarkets are to be banned from two-for-one pornography promotions, and all magazines will have to be purchased through special checkouts staffed by intimidating, attractive women. Any pictures of naked breasts or private areas will have public health minister Shona Robinson's head superimposed on them and a speech bubble saying: "Eat healthy!" Ms Robison said: "We want to make binge-wanking as socially unacceptable as drinking blood or setting fire to children. "At the moment masturbation is an integral part of Scottish culture. This process will be long and hard, but I am determined to pull it off." All aerobics videos are to be banned apart from health secretary Nicola Sturgeon's forthcoming Suzi Quatro Workout, which was declared "mind-numbing" after repeated viewings by the lower sixth at Merchiston Castle School in Edinburgh. According to the Executive's latest guidelines, adults can have up to three personal hand interactions per week without causing any great harm to their health, apart from a degree of short-sightedness and bad breath. But medical evidence shows that any self-pleasuring by those under 18 is certain to lead to blindness and ugly disfigurement before the onset of middle age, while binge-wanking will lead to total derangement within months. The British Medical Association said the Executive did not go far enough. Bill McKay, of the BMA's Scottish Masturbation Committee, said tougher action was needed to deal with what he called a "stroking time-bomb". Roy Hobbs, A&E consultant at Glasgow's Victoria Infirmary, said: "If Channel 4 shows another Kylie special we will simply not be able to cope."

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/ Quite refreshing when fed up with conventional news

Welcome Johhny, look forward to your contributions, and as Tri blue says there's cyber links to watch the games if all else fails.

Details now become clear how it will happen DSS TO FUND LIVERPOOL TAKE-OVER LIVERPOOL fans have launched a bid buy their beloved football club, backed by millions of pounds from the Department of Social Security. Many Liverpool fans are looking forward to stealing Jamie CarragherThe supporters have put together a complex financial structure made up of 25% genuine welfare payments alongside a mixture of fraudulent incapacity and unemployment claims. Supporters spokesman Wayne Hayes said: "Between us we reckon we can raise about £500 million, especially as it's been such a cold winter. The number of folk who've come down with a sudden case of rheumatoid arthritis is shocking. "The DSS provides us with a secure source of funds and if anyone starts asking questions we've got 45,000 sick notes sitting in a warehouse in Bootle." "This is a major step forward for the club and the city. We did originally plan to steal it but we couldn't find anywhere to keep the main stand as most of the garages round here are full of mountain bikes." He added: "As far as you're concerned, I haven't worked in 12 years, alright?" Under the plan the club would be run by an executive committee, elected by the supporters and given the right to swipe a range of quality goods from the office, the boardroom and the club shop. The first team squad will also have to sign new contracts requiring them to go to supporters' pubs every Saturday night and be told why they will never be as good as Emlyn Hughes and Jimmy Case.

CANNABIS is now more evil than the Nazis and smoking the drug is worse for the brain than watching Richard Madeley on television, new research suggests. Worse even than Richard and JudyDuring the Sixties smoking dope was hardly evil at all, and the drug was more playful and slightly naughty, but in a nice way, a bit like Kenneth Williams. In the Seventies and Eighties marijuana briefly became totally harmless and could be smoked by future Cabinet ministers up to the rank of Home Secretary without any effect on their brains whatsoever. However, a massive increase in the strength of the drug since politicians all stopped using it has now made it more nasty and brutish than the combined evil of the Third Reich. Professor Tom Booker, head of drug research at Glasgow’s Clyde University and the man who conducted the latest lengthy study into the drug, said: “Yeah, whatever.” A spokesman for the University said: “The Nazi’s were very bad people but even they could not make a middle class white boy adopt dreadlocks for a hairstyle, or make a highly intelligent middle aged man crawl around the floor of his laboratory in his underpants weeping with laughter about nothing at all, and then eat his own weight in marshmallows.” Following the promotion of cannabis to the top spot in the evilness rankings the top ten most evil things in the world are: 1. (-) Cannabis 2. (2) Tobacco 3. (4) Debt consolidation ads featuring Carol Vorderman = 5. (1) Richard and Judy = 5. (3) The Nazis 6. (-) Heathrow Airport 7. (5) Prince Phillip 8. (7) Joseph Stalin 9. (-) Noel Edmonds 10. (10) The Devil and all his minions (Previous position in brackets)

He should only get cautioned if he does something silly, like stamping on Torres head.

Theres more in the Independent today Not only did Harry Redknapp reveal that he thought about quitting when Avram Grant was foisted on him at Portsmouth – but he added that he had fully expected the Israeli to eventually replace Jose Mourinho when he then moved to Chelsea last summer. Redknapp's admission again highlighted the intriguing way in which Grant made his entry into English football. A long-standing pallyness with the agent Pini Zahavi, a blossoming friendship with Roman Abramovich – a route facilitated by the Russian billionaire's association with Portsmouth owner Sasha Gaydamak – and suddenly a relatively obscure coach had landed at one of the most powerful clubs in the World

More Grant stuff from Reuters newsagency; Grant's most famous falling out was with the Israel coach Dror Kashtan. In 1996, Grant persuaded Maccabi Tel Aviv and their wealthy owner, Loni Herzikowitz, to reappoint him manager of the club despite the fact that Kashtan had just won a league and cup double there. Unsurprisingly the pair are no longer on speaking terms. The former West Ham midfielder Eyal Berkovic – famously said that he wanted the Israel team to lose when Grant was in charge. His coaching skills highlight was to show his players a clip from the Mel Gibson film Braveheart in order to motivate them before a game. They lost. In a study of Grant's career, one theme recurs again and again: he has always courted influential, wealthy men and placed himself inside the circle of power. His networking skills are legendary and Abramovich is the latest in a series of wealthy businessmen who have been at the centre of Grant's persuasion. He came to know Abramovich in 2006 when Uzbekistan billionaire Lev Leviev was planning to take over Hapoel Tel Aviv. The club were to be a nursery side for Chelsea and Grant was to be installed by Leviev, another powerful contact that Grant had courted, as manager. When the takeover fell through, Grant complained endlessly, and Abramovich promised his new friend he would find him a job in England

Really difficult job. I've a mate who's a Social Worker and he deals with kids at risk. I've watched him slowly lose his sense of humour over the years. Some of the scenarios you wouldn't want your worst enemy brought up in, and the safety of the kids is paramount. Social Workers used to be the baddies in the 60s and 70s when they were taking kids away just because of extreme poverty. The way this current story was 'promoted' was just to inflame the public about a 'mother losing her baby'. They have left out crucial details.

Ridiculous 'sport' -rugby where they dress up as Robocop, with big shoulder pads to look butch. Bunch of benders

Think hes been on before, with a different user name. Seem to recognise the grammar or lack of, and unintelligible garb that he passes for legitimate comment. A legacy of Thatchers' 'Care in the Community' policy.

Well the Chelsea players are definitely the stars of this tournie, and what a game the Ivory Coast one was . Another couple of good Qtr Finals today Egypt v the unfancied Angola, and Tunisia v Cameroon.

Blimey, just saw this. Well done to your lad , he needs all the encouragement he can get, not least because it might mean a nice pension for you later.

...and they say irony is dead. Fuckin' ell Crack 'ead you really are a case. I would just get on with your homework, and leave the hospital computer alone.

Lol and 'Only One Cheryl Tweedy' That was frustrating and Terry or Carvalho wouldn't have let Defoe have six yards like that. Although Ben hapless was trying despeartely hard to not put a foot wrong, he really isn't up to the job. Positives, we're still in with a serious shout , and it shows the red teams are capable of slip ups.

CHEATING soccer ace Nicolas Anelka took the title love rat to treacherous new depths — texting a secret mistress on his WEDDING DAY. In the run-up to marrying sweetheart Barbara Tausia, two-timing Chelsea ace Anelka betrayed her for FOUR MONTHS with shop girl Natalie Merriman. And Natalie, 24, told us: "Nico's a fantastic lover with an amazing body. "We often had sex FOUR TIMES a night and he bombarded me with dirty text messages. I didn't know he was engaged and I was really falling for him. "But when I found out he'd actually got married AND had even texted me that day I realised he's just another typical lying, cheating footballer." Only last weekend married team-mate Ashley Cole hit headlines for playing away. Now Natalie reveals how sleazy £90,000-a-week French striker Anelka: SHOCKED her by sending lewd photos of his private tackle to her mobile. THRILLED her in bed with his astonishing gymnastic tongue. TRIED to cover up his marriage by claiming it was his brother who'd wed. REVELLED just days ago in a text message replay of their sexational fling, SEVEN MONTHS after getting hitched. Click here for more pics of Natalie Blonde Natalie met moody Anelka, 28—nicknamed Le Sulk—working at Selfridges in Manchester's Trafford Centre last March. She recalled: "Nico came in with a friend and asked me to help find some jeans. He was really quiet but I could tell he liked me. "At the till his mate said Nico wanted my number. I didn't know him from Adam but I thought he was good-looking so I gave it. It was after he'd left someone told me he was a Bolton player." Within minutes World Cup winner Anelka began texting Natalie. "It was all innocent flirting at first," she said. "After a few days he came to the shop again and we went for a walk, chatting away. I thought his French accent was really sexy. When I asked if he had a girlfriend he said no. "We had a laugh and ended up snogging by an escalator. He was a really good kisser and it gave me butterflies." The texts continued for a week then Anelka made his move. "He invited me to his apartment in Salford Quays," said Natalie. "He made me tea and we snuggled up on the sofa for a kiss and cuddle. I ended up staying and slept in bed with him but we didn't have sex. He kept trying it on but I told him I wanted to get to know him first. Anelka with wife Barbara "He woke me about 8am and said he had to go to work. He gave me a lift in his Aston Martin and when we kissed goodbye he said he wanted to see me again soon. "I was so excited and knew I was falling for him. I didn't realise at the time but that was the day Bolton played Manchester United at Old Trafford." Bolton lost and it was the second time in 24 hours Anelka failed to score. But he made up for it two days later. Natalie said: "He begged me to to go round to his apartment and after watching a movie we began kissing on the sofa, caressing each other. "We started taking our clothes off in the lounge but then he led me into his bedroom. "When he took his pants off I was surprised to see he shaved down there— but it did feel nicer when we had sex. "He was really gentle and considerate, and keen to show off his oral sex talent. I've got to say he was better at it than any other guy I've been with. We had sex four times over about six hours and didn't get to sleep until about 4am. Weird "Nico's very energetic and passionate. He told me I was the best he'd ever had." As their fling hotted up the action switched to Anelka's plush new penthouse in Manchester's Hale suburb almost every night. "Whenever I wasn't working I was at Nico's," added Natalie. "It was pretty much sex every day. He seemed to think about little else. "Even when we were apart he'd send dirty texts saying what he wanted to do to me—and he'd send pictures of his manhood. I thought that was a bit weird! "He talked of me going to see him at his Paris house. Little did I know he had his Belgian fiancée there, and he'd been seeing her for 18 months." Natalie was also in the dark about cheating Anelka's past form. In 2003 we exposed him for two-timing a previous fianceé—TWICE. But last June Natalie was shattered when she discovered the truth. "Nico told me he'd gone on holiday," she said. "Then a friend told me to read the papers because Nico had got married at a big bash in Morocco. My blood ran cold. I couldn't believe it. I rang and texted him but got no reply. "Then I looked through my old messages and realised he'd actually texted me several times on June 9, his wedding day. I felt so used. "Eventually he replied claiming it was a mistake and it was his brother who'd got married, not him. But I knew he was lying." Days ago, seven months after tying the knot, randy Anelka proved he was still up for illicit thrills— after Natalie texted, congratulating him on his recent £15million move to Stamford Bridge. He replied: "Thanks. you and yr pretty angel face...Mmmm ...where are you now naughty girl? x" Natalie told him she felt let down by his lies but would always remember the sex. Anelka said: "you were naughty so you made me naughty as well thats y it was good. x" Then he cheekily added that he wanted Natalie "2 use yr lips and yr tongue." She said: "I feel so sorry for Nico's wife. He's made a fool of her—AND me. And I've absolutely no doubt he'll cheat on her again."

Lol ! Can anyone recall that prank he did when they set up that woman (who believd in UFO's) that aliens had landed in her garden ? They had fake police and etc emergency services , and a crashed flying saucer. Then this 'alien' emerged and the woman in a trembling voice said ''Would You like a cup of tea ?''. That was one of the best pranks. found it