Leif

Apparently shorter men have better sex than their taller friends, so Matic's no doubt shambolic sex life has contributed to his downfall. The same logic explains Kante's rise, the deviant.

Azpilicueta at centre back? Best day of my life. I will savour every second

He was still a better player with us. He's better now technically and plays as a more allrounded player, but he won more games for us. His mentality was better here because this was his new home. United will never feel like his home, he still looks alienated there.

We love you Jim

Why do you think Torres played over and over and over again? You think the managers saw something in him? Or do you consider it more likely that there was pressure from Roman to make it work? I believe the latter. Whose choice do you think it was to employ 'out with the old, in with the new' and ensure that Courtois would be our starting goalkeeper, regardless of the fact Cech still performed better? It wasn't the managers buddy.

You're just bitter you play for Brentford

Just to be the pessimist - we'd get these theoretical recruits in January, by which point the league won't be within reach, who knows about top 4. They'd need 'time to get used to the tactics', so either they wouldn't even be played (like Alonso) or, they would be, to less than flattering results I believe. (Which defenders have moved in January and hit the ground running? Apart from King David.) It's then 50/50 that Conte even remains for the following season. Right now, who could we even attract in January? A stop-gap, that'd then be surplus to requirements when we get our real target in the summer; unless again, we fail to hit top 4, can't attract that target, and we're left with a shitty Cahill replacement. Bottom line - Aint no signings gonna fix us. A couple of board executions would in the long run though. Stop adding muscle to a cancerous body, deal with the damn cancer. We must persist with Conte for 2+ seasons regardless.

Perhaps Conte can't use the players he wants, like our youth, like our new signings too, because we have this clear distinction in the PL between senior players / young/inexperienced players. In Serie A, especially at Juventus under Conte, there was no such distinction. Players were players and even the board were happy to see random youth products thrown on the pitch and suddenly blossom into consistent starters. There is no disrespect in benching a mainstay all of a sudden when a new player performs better, not over there. Over here, completely different scenario. We are the entertainment league, not the football league, so expect no logic from us, only fireworks.

In Italy / at Juve you can bench who you want when you underperform, the media won't go crazy and the fans won't either (unless you bench Higuain randomly for a big game vs. Inter, heh Allegri.) Over here, we're far more sentimental about players, and managers to staff to owners to journalists know this. This is why we Chelsea have kept so many old players over the years even after they've been over the hill. It's why there's uproar when Rooney is dropped, uproar caused by the same people who admit how average he's become. When you bench Cahill or Ivanovic, our club sees it as, removing identity from the team. We know Roman himself has wanted us to have a distinct identity. If we can't have that in the style we play, the only other way to keep a consistent identity is by the players we field and give limelight to. So, that is what we do. Why do we do it? Because our league has no idea how behind it is. You can't go to Madrid and suddenly drop Ramos or Ronaldo for underperforming, even for 10+ games in a row. It's not right, but it is what it is. If suddenly we had 2 youth team products lining up each week (like Aina & Chalobah), our Chinese & Filipino fans etc. would be baffled. Who are these players? They would @ misguided abuse at our Chelsea Twitter account lol. Football, especially in the Premier League, is about brands. It's about faces. It is not and has not been about for a very, very long time, playing the best XI for a given game. If that were the case, every team in the league would be fielding inconsistent line-ups each week in an effort to exploit whoever they face. But no. Identity and 'respect' to the first team players comes first.

He said he's the tailor for the team. Well if you tailor the best suit in the world, but a literal piece of poo wears that suit, it won't suddenly be well dressed. It is poop. It'll never be well dressed, because the man who wears the clothes makes them. We are the poop. You cannot make a suit look good on our players. So don't play to their 'strengths' in a 4-3-3 Conte, play to your strengths in a 4-4-2. They won't fit either way, but better to have a tailor who dictates how a fitting goes, as opposed to letting the client who knows fuck all about fits dictate the measurements. In a subtle way, player power wins again.

NO MANAGER IS ALLOWED TO DROP IVANOVIC. HE CLEARLY HAS A MINIMUM GAMES TO BE PLAYED PER SEASON CLAUSE OR HAS FAVOUR WITH PEOPLE ABOVE CONTE. OUR MANAGERS ARE NOT BLIND. THEY ARE IN CHAINS.

He's really on course to be one of the most technically brilliant midfielders we've seen in our lifetimes

Are you Bamford in disguise

I know his childhood and 90%+ of footballer's childhoods involved loads of encouragement or natural desire to be a footballer, otherwise, how else would they become one? And if it was from sheer natural desire that they've made it through the youth ranks all the way to the senior level, they'd show blood/sweat/tears etc. But RLC shows none of that, so how did he become a footballer? Why? I doubt it was an accident. I don't doubt it was outside pressure.

Say what you want for his good qualities on display but he's really not up to pace for the PL yet. His reactions, challenges & passes are all executed a second or 2 after than you'd expect from any of our other players. He chases too many balls which he should've been well positioned enough to have land at his feet. That aside though, he does have good determination & that side of his mentality generally I think. He won't be scoring goals though, and he will have brainfarts. Perfect Mikel replacement.

When you probably don't even want to be a footballer, but you're forced into it before you're 10 years old (an age when passions should still be developing and found out naturally, not pushed on you) and are likely a millionaire by the time you're 20, you're far more focused on all the poon you're going to slay each weekend, all the places you're going to go and see etc. than you are focused on a game you don't care about. Which let's be clear about, he doesn't. If you care about anything, it is evident to onlookers. If you want to be a good football player, we can see it, even if you're shit. But he shows 0 signs of wanting to be here or on any football pitch. He can't believe he's getting game time and money for doing absolutely nothing. But that's the parent's fault as well as his own fault. I'm sure there are far more of these young players that don't care about football in the least. It's a generational, & being spoiled thing.

Captain, leader, legend

But he probably gets free paella wherever he goes so why leave

I hope an asteroid breaks his foot & he only ever plays for us in a charity match, in dedication to Ivanovic, fully immobilised by the asteroid

Worse players have gone on better streaks

We were his patient, reliable, loving 7/10 wife. He moved on from us without a whim after our struggles, finding solace in a 10/10-looking slut that we've always had problems with. He has no chemistry with her, and now if he ever comes back to us we'll spit on him. The grass wasn't greener you puta.

You didn't see his chipped pass?

You only take a shot like Henderson's when you've been assured pre-game by your coach that the goalkeeper is a weak point

he just can't take the shit anymore