Leif

LUKAKKKUUUUUUU!!!!!!!

Funny guy.

I wish Torres was as good with balls as Terry is with his.

If we win this game I'll remove my ribs and give myself a blowjob.

I just realised I've been singing "Jose Mourinho" over and over again for around 2 minutes. It's clear who I want to be manager next season. COME BACK YOU LOVABLE GUY!!!

I hope Terry fucks Torres's bitch in the arse causing Torres to leave the club. It seems like our only option at this point.

Such a weak shot.

Falcao/Cavani/Messi/Ronaldo/Xavi couldn't fix this monstrosity.

We're bafflingly shit.

.....

RVP scored for United with his first touch in the first minute. Walcott scored for Arsenal in the first minute. Tottenham are 2-0 up after 15 minutes or-so. And us? Once again, lacking any clinical players, lacking precision passing, no conviction in movement from our striker... ugh. I just want new players so bad.

Ffs. Our fans are so bloody quiet. It's about time I start going back to games. I'm sure I could fire people up with my poo stories.

Difference between Romeu and Mikel? Romeu doesn't need 5 touches before making a pass.

Oh those jackets our players are wearing. mmm. wouldn't mind one of those for Christmas!

Fucking fucking fucking shut up Phil Thompson for fuck sake. Now saying Chelsea fans and staff 'don't think before doing things'. jesus christ.

I absolutely despise Phil Thompson. He shouldn't be allowed to talk about Chelsea ever.

Hopefully West Brom lose 3-4 with a Lukaku hat-trick thrown in.

Ryan could absolutely flourish under Rafa! Hopefully he puts in a good shift today. I'm assuming Hazards starts out-right then with Oscar central? I've been wanting to see that for ages.

About to listen to this while I shit: As you can tell, I like my poos to be an epic experience/journey etc. I mime the words while pushing the bad boys out and imagine everything's in slow motion. And this is me without alcohol or drugs.

When I'm bored, I persuade my mum to let me drive her car so that I can slowly cruise by people jogging while I'm playing "Eye Of The Tiger" full blast just to encourage them that little bit more.

Hmm.. think I'll have a Subway with this game. Whenever we play a derby or we're against a big rival, I make sure I either have a Subway, or a steak/chicken pie. Already had steak pie for lunch.

Didn't Romeu either have a great or a terrible game vs. Fulham last season? I can't remember which one.

Surprised Barcelona haven't somehow signed him yet. He and Dealofeu would create magic. It would be like watching a young Xavi and Spanish Messi (to an extent..kinda)

I've fallen in love with this league. There really is more to it than just Barcelona and Real Madrid. Sure, it's just them fighting for the title usually, but wasn't the Premier League like that just not long ago? Us and United dominated the league. Now Manchester City have emerged - while in La Liga teams like Malaga and Atletico Madrid are finally finding their potential. This season I'm following the 2 teams mentioned above - Atletico Madrid and Malaga. Both are incredibly fun to watch. Malaga have the more attractive football and individual brilliance while Atletico Madrid are like a fairytale so far this season with constant brilliance from Falcao and great teamwork. Ugh. *Jizz* Plus - Atletico Madrid have my favourite young midfielder in world football (Chelsea products aside) in their Oliver Torres. Mmm. Going to start following La Liga properly now.

Ooooo. Lulic would be an interesting buy for the club. Not the best at defending but very good going forward. He's versatile too. Reminds me of Pereira but more attack-minded.