Spike

I'm telling you I'm a genius when it comes to tactics or... ...maybe you just don't get my sense of humour

Frank Lampard should be the manager. He speaks Latin and has an IQ of 293. Capello would be good for two or three years.

I support this 100%. Why on earth would a llama lie?

I am LOVING THIS SO MUCH! I will literally drool at my mouth if AVB gets Liverpool relegated.

I FIXED IT GOSH

There you go, guv. Don't drink too much sparkling. Out of pints. Have a fucking litre.

The wouldn't be criticising me after I win the Euros with 100% clean sheets and an average score of 5.

He wouldn't if I was the French Coach (and I should be).

Good job WHS, it's almost comedic genius.

I'd take Nasri out. Nasri is like a decapitated rooster, he just runs around a lot which leads to nothing. I'd rather Gourcuff (no matter how terrible he has been) and Martin.

I'm one fucking hairy 12 year old then.

I'll have a Virgin Cuba Libre.

I would also be sad. Being a sensitive soul does that.

Those Ballon D'or winners aren't good enough for you?

I'll have you know it's spreading.

Who could he be compared to? Pavel Nedved? Luis Figo?

dur happy? 15 in this photo. Or pehaps you prefer men with facial hair? 17 in this photo.

I'm actually quite proud that I found the same colour.

ROYAL BLUE!

Technically we should hate all clubs besides Linfield, Rangers and possibly Hamburg. The 'Blues Brothers' or some shit.

I don't know about anyone else but I would like to beat Bayern by scoring more goals.

You expect me to look like an animé character!?

It was about 5 years ago, screwing around with friends. Don't make fun of ballet, the ladies would love you for it.

Don't tempt me. I tried boxing once, and with the first light tap to the face my nose turned in to a blood faucet.

Mine is just big; very Italian/French looking, it is. Vincent Cassel is the only person I can think of that has a similar nose.