The English Football Thread

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10 minutes ago, Atomiswave said:

May he long be there, sure he will get them results here and there and sure VAR will come to their aid but he is no where near WC. Good news imo.

Can you speak swedish Vesper?

ja

jag kan prata svenska men jag är inte helt flytande

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14 minutes ago, Atomiswave said:

 

Can you speak swedish Vesper?

Swenglish, lolol

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33 minutes ago, Vesper said:

ja

jag kan prata svenska men jag är inte helt flytande

Helt sikkert min ven, good stuff.

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14 minutes ago, Atomiswave said:

Helt sikkert min ven, good stuff.

Danska

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17 minutes ago, Vesper said:

Danska

Ja det korrekt min ven, men jeg er ikke selv en dansker. Er født og opvokset i Iran.

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Friday March 26 2021 Football Nerd

England could win a tournament playing attacking football but it would buck a trend By Daniel Zeqiri It is the football debate that never ages and remains the subject of incalculable hours of pub conversation: which team should the England manager pick? More often than not, the answer is a different team from the one they are currently selecting. In this spirit, there are growing frustrations with Gareth Southgate, mainly for not putting enough emphasis on England's attacking jewels and approaching games too conservatively. However, a look at the trend of recent international tournaments suggests he may be right to be cautious. Summer football is imperfect and necessarily involves compromise given the lack of available training time, and almost all recent tournament winners have been rather functional. The winners of the last eight tournaments have conceded fewer than a goal per game, with four of them conceding fewer than a goal every other game. Just one scored more than two goals per game on average. A measured approach seems to get the job done. Contrast this with the Champions League. Setting aside last year's Covid-affected format, seven of the previous 10 Champions League winners averaged more than two goals per game in the knockout stages and the final. Three of those 10 winners managed to lift the famous trophy while conceding more than a goal per game. In this week's Football Nerd, I explore this subject in greater depth and wonder if Southgate may be justified to prioritise solidity.

Edited March 26, 2021 by Vesper

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The Bossman Steo's coming-out party against Luxembourg    Surely this time, O’Ireland? Photograph: Novak Djurovic/PA John Brewin LUX AETERNA? This week’s Human Rights World Cup qualifying has reminded us that night after night after night of wall-to-wall Barclays is not so bad. Guzzling Gazprom actually does represent la crème de la crème of football. Steve Bruce, Graham Potter, Andrea Agnelli, Jorge Nuno Pinto da Costa: come back to the five and dime soon, lads. The Fiver never knows what it’s got until it loses it. Ollie Watkins, the best (only?) thing to come out of Weston-super-Mare since Jeffrey Archer, scoring for England against not-actually-that-plucky minnows San Marino? Yawn, whatever. Frank de Boer a rubbish manager? José Mourinho told you that in a 2018 drive-by. Norwegian and German players revealing footballers have taken notice that all may not be roses behind the building of those desert enormodomes? Better, much better, but the lack of football on an international fortnight Friday is thin gruel for those trying to compose a halfway [that’s ambitious – Fiver Ed] humorous round-robin email. Euro 2020 power rankings: breaking down the final 24 Read more A Bobby Goulding-esque side-step into the weird world of Super League is tempting but The Fiver can’t spake with any authority on that rough stuff up north. So the weekend’s fixtures in the Uefa region it is, where a good news story awaits. For Saturday night, when Luxembourg travel to Dublin, represents Stephen Kenny’s Republic O’Ireland coming-out party, when the Bossman Steo, as the true cognoscenti call him, might finally be able to smile. In the 11 months since he succeeded the Barnsley bluster of Mick McCarthy, Steo has usually worn the expression of Ron Saunders being handed a parking ticket. And small wonder, since the Bossman has been presented with a more-than-troublesome set of circumstances including Sheffield United players, Covid outbreaks, further false positives costing him key players in the play-off to reach the Euros and the ruinous club form of Shane Duffy. It took 678 minutes for Alan Browne to break the Bossman’s duck, scoring the first goal of Steo’s reign in Serbia. By full-time, all of O’Ireland were wildly celebrating a 3-2 defeat, though strictly behind closed doors as restrictions demand. Now for the Luxembourgers, surely lambs to a Saturday night slaughter in the Aviva. If this was Eurovision, then perhaps this would be a contest (it’s 7-5 O’Ireland on that score, Cousin Wogan Fiver tells us). In football terms, it’s 5-0 to O’Ireland, though the last meeting was in way back 1987 when Paul McGrath ooah-ed a late winner at the old Lansdowne Road. And times have moved on a tad since. Luxembourg, Europe’s one-time whipping boys, have become actually quite decent under the management of Luc Holtz – Bossman Luco to Lux cognoscenti. A squad including players from Norwich, Mainz, Dynamo Kiev and Standard Liège went close to reaching the Nations League B in the last campaign, which Cousin Co-efficient Fiver tells us actually means something. Oh Steo, oh no. QUOTE OF THE DAY “I will be removing myself until the people in power are able to regulate their platforms with the same vigour and ferocity that they currently do when you infringe copyright” – Thierry Henry announces he is stepping away from social media disgraces until the various platforms start taking racism and bullying seriously. He may be offline some time.  Thierry Henry, earlier. Photograph: Ezequiel Becerra/AFP/Getty Images RECOMMENDED LISTENING It’s Football Weekly Extra … on a Friday? FIVER LETTERS “Can I be the 1,057th reader to wonder why, if Fifa believes in free speech, it is holding a World Cup in Qatar?” – Richard O’Hagan (and no others). “Now that the EU, the UK, the US and Canada have sanctioned Chinese officials for the human rights violations against Uighur Muslims, and a leading set of barristers’ chambers have concluded that there is a ‘credible case’ of genocide, when do we expect Arsenal to apologise to Mesut Özil for dismissing concerns as just his ‘personal opinion’? Or do Arsenal still think that this is all just ‘politics’ and that they’re better off ‘not involving [themselves] in’ such politics?” – Will Reddie. “Well done to Marco van Basten for suggesting the offside rule is scrapped (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs). Schoolyards in Britain have long been experimenting with this very proposal and even developed the unique tactical position of ‘official goal-hanger’ to ensure a maximum goal return for the big guy who took up smoking before you. However, in a pandemic-ravaged economy, can we really afford for the ranks of the unemployed to be swelled by the redundancies of VAR operatives and assistant referees?” – Colin Reed. Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Will Reddie. NEWS, BITS AND BOBS Around 5,000 Netherlands fans will be able to attend their World Cup qualifier against Latvia in Amsterdam on Saturday as part of a government-backed initiative – provided they have tested negative for Covid in the morning and recorded it on a CoronaCheck app. “This is a way it could also work with the clubs and the European Championship,” declared Dutch FA suit Gijs de Jong. Jogi Löw is happy his players sent another message to Qatar before their qualifying win over Iceland. “We stand for human rights, no matter the location. Those are our values,” he roared.  Wales players would have quite the ordering. Photograph: Tobias Schwarz/Reuters Everton’s planning application for their new stadium at Bramley-Moore Dock has received government approval. “On such a momentous day, [we] would like to thank every Evertonian, along with the many organisations, the tens of thousands of people across the city region and the team of dedicated staff who have played a vital role in ensuring the club reached today’s milestone,” cheered the club. Sheffield United owner Prince Abdullah claims Chris Wilder tried to resign twice as manager before he left earlier this month. “I felt it was my mistake because we recruited how Chris wanted, we spent over £120m,” he tooted. And José Mourinho insists he has learned to deal with critics questioning his methods. Through a prism of modesty, of course. “I don’t think anybody is going to discuss rocket science with the guys from Nasa, with everybody around the world,” he parped. “They think they can discuss football with one of the most important managers in the game. I got used to it. I appreciate that … I have so many Mourinistas around the world that I play for them.” STILL WANT MORE? It’s gettin’, it’s gettin’, it’s gettin’ kinda heavy: Marcus Christenson drops the Euro 2020 power rankings. Thomas Strakosha stands in the way of England’s strikers in Tirana on Sunday. The Lazio goalkeeper gets his chat on with Will Unwin. WSL Weekend sees Manchester United take to the Old Trafford stage on Saturday when they play West Ham, but Suzanne Wrack bemoans a missed broadcast opportunity.  No Leigh Sports Village for these ladies this weekend. Photograph: Matthew Ashton - AMA/Getty Images Roqué Junior, yes, Roqué Junior, won the absolute lot in football. Only Ronaldinho, Cafu and Dida from Brazil matched his haul. He speaks to Eryck Gomes. How better to boost hopes ahead of a big cup match than sessions on Call of Duty? Nick Ames hears from Josh Gowling, the manager of Hereford. Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO! A MAXIMO FRIDAY

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Have you folks seen why James Rodrigues from Everton aint playing? He has taken hormones ( female ones ) and has had his johnson removed. He went through a full on surgery last week it is said. Its all been very hushed by his club. If true then he cant play footy no more.

https://www.sickchirpse.com/james-rodriguez-transgender/

Edited March 29, 2021 by Atomiswave

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That is bizarre and does not jive with his quotes from just yesterday.

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Losing to a nation whose big claim to fame is not having a claim to fame    Luxembourg bringing the pain, earlier. Photograph: Clodagh Kilcoyne/AFP/Getty Images Barry Glendenning  @bglendenning O’IRELAND! If the Republic O’Ireland’s weekend defeat at the hands of Luxembourg was an FA Cup giant-killing, it would be classed as more of a noteworthy surprise than a particularly seismic shock. Granted, the presence of both national teams in the draw for the Grand Old Competition would initially raise eyebrows, but in terms of David slaying Goliath, Luxembourg’s victory ought to generate no more surprise than maybe a high end League Two side travelling to the home of mid-table opposition in the division above and securing a late and not entirely undeserved win. While O’Ireland’s footballers, their manager and fans have every right to feel embarrassed by losing to a country whose biggest claim to fame is not actually having any claims to fame, nobody who has had the misfortune to sit through pretty much every single game O’Ireland have played in the past five years will have been particularly shocked to see them lose. Indeed if anything sums up the inherent Luxembourgness of Luxembourg in a nutshell, it’s the fact that arguably the greatest triumph in their football history turns out not to have been a particularly big deal. Collins denies Ireland's World Cup dream is over after 'embarrassing' defeat Read more Having mastered the art of looking sheepish and telling fans what he thinks they want to hear during years of post-match interviews in his role as Everton captain, Séamus Coleman didn’t mince his words following O’Ireland’s defeat. “We should be embarrassed,” he said. “As players we need to have a good hard look at ourselves. You need people demanding the ball out there and I don’t think we did that enough. If we were building up on one side then you need people to want it out the other side. I don’t think we heard enough voices. I’ve got to come out here and do an interview but there are no words for that,” he added, having just used 75 of them to sum his side’s performance up quite succinctly. O’Ireland’s latest reverse means that their manager, Stephen Kenny, has now masterminded victory in precisely none of his opening 10 games in charge, a dismal record that has prompted many of his compatriots who didn’t consider him worthy of consideration for the role in the first place to call for his head. Unable to afford to replace him even if they wanted to, assorted Football Association of O’Ireland bigwigs have said they expect him to remain in charge. Having become the first “major” football nation to show their determination to boycott what promises to be a controversial World Cup in Qatar, O’Ireland must now prepare for more potential embarrassment on Tuesday night. Their next opponents? None other than Qatar. QUOTE OF THE DAY “We’re in dreamland” – Hornhchurch boss Mark Stimson, whose Isthmian Premier Division season was abandoned on 3 November, is still trying to get his head round how his side fought back from going behind to Notts County three times before winning 5-4 on penalties to make it to the FA Trophy final.  ‘Just a pub team from Hornchurch!’ Photograph: JMS Photography/Shutterstock RECOMMENDED LISTENING Get your ears round the latest Football Weekly podcast here. FIVER LETTERS “So much for Stephen Kenny’s Republic O’Ireland coming-out party (Friday’s Fiver). I don’t know if Bossman Steo actually does smiling, in any case. As for The Fiver’s Eurovision comparison, this is the FAI we’re talking about here, so there’s zero chance that O’Ireland’s nul points represents Kenny’s Waterloo” – Justin Kavanagh. “In the 62nd minute of Romania 0-1 Germany, the camera flashed to the suave German coach sitting in a padded Covid-restricted ‘Do Not Sit Here’ seat in his nice knitted sweater and matching overcoat. Is he a Löw unto himself?” – Steve Lewis. Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Steve Lewis. NEWS, BITS AND BOBS Gareth Bale has backed the idea of a mass social media boycott to tackle online abuse. “If it was a campaign where a lot of influential people in sport and other forms of life [boycotted it] to make a statement then I think it could help,” said Bale, whose Wales teammates Ben Cabango and Rabbi Matondo were abused over the weekend. Hal Robson-Kanu, Matondo and Tyler Roberts have been sent home from the Wales camp after “breaching FAW protocol”. An official statement confirmed that all three players will miss Tuesday’s World Cup qualifier against Czech Republic. The culture secretary, Oliver Dowden, is hopeful crowds of more than 10,000 fans may be able to attend some matches at Euro Not 2020, with the semi-finals and final to be played at Wembley. “I’m very hopeful and optimistic that we will get many, many more people in for the later stage games,” Dowden roared. Aidy Boothroyd is trying to stay optimistic with his England Under-21s facing an early exit from the Euros after a limp defeat to Portugal. “It’s still mathematically possible, we have to go out and get a good result [against Croatia]” mused Boothroyd, who is set for (presumably brief) contract talks this summer.  Oh Aidy! Photograph: Jurij Kodrun - The FA/The FA/Getty Images Gareth Southgate is channelling Liberty X and asking his England players to give him just a little bit more. “I’m pushing for a bit more because I think that’s the standard we’ve got to set if we want to be a really top team,” Southgate crooned. Meanwhile, that distant cheering you can hear is Harry Maguire and John Stones digesting news that Robert Lewandowski’s knee-knack has ruled him out of Poland’s World Cup qualifier with England. And referee Danny Makkelie has held his hands up after Portugal were denied a legitimate winning goal against Serbia. “I apologised to the Portuguese team and coach for what happened,” Makkelie told A Bola after his team of officials failed to spot that Cristiano Ronaldo’s shot had crossed the line. “When [referees] are in the news in this manner, it doesn’t make us happy at all.” STILL WANT MORE? Get your WSL talking points, right here!  Manchester City’s Chloe Kelly, Everton’s Hayley Raso, Chelsea star Sam Kerr and Birmingham’s Ruby Mace in composite picture action. Composite: Getty/Shutterstock San Marino don’t deserve derision but perhaps a pre-qualifying tournament would offer a better pathway to improvement, writes Barry Glendenning. Greg Wood on how Football Index dangerously blurred the lines between betting and investment, leading to a collapse that has cost its customers millions. England cannot simply cram all their attacking talent into the same team, so Gareth Southgate is right to be pragmatic, notes Jacob Steinberg. Plus: player ratings from England’s victory in Albania. Go, go power rankings! Arsenal’s hipster full-back Héctor Bellerín has fallen in love with photography during lockdown. He gets his chat on with Nick Ames here. Fancy a thousand words on England v Poland in 1973 from floating-football-brain-in-a-jar Jonathan Wilson? Of course you do. Doink! The latest Joy of Six offers up half-a-dozen great toe-poke finishes from football and futsal, with an emphasis on Brazilian flair. Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO! SOY OF THE ROVERS

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Best players of the first trimester 2021   The CIES Football Observatory has developed a unique methodology to compare the performance of players irrespective of their position. Issue number 331 of the Weekly Post highlights the outfield footballers with the highest score for domestic league matches played since the 1st of January 2021 for each of the 98 big-5 league clubs. Only players fielded for at least two thirds of minutes during this period are included in the rankings. The greatest value overall was recorded for Lionel Messi: 92.5 out of 100! Eliminated from the Champions League, the Argentinean striker and FC Barcelona can now focus on the Liga. However, the departure of Luis Suárez will be a major obstacle to the title race. The Uruguayan has indeed the top performance score (84.3) at Atlético Madrid, while Toni Kroos (87.5) leads the table for Real Madrid ahead of Karim Benzema (85.3). In the other four main European leagues, the highest CIES FO performance index values were registered for Robert Lewandowski in the Bundesliga (89.5), Cristiano Ronaldo in the Serie A (89.3), Guillermo Maripán (86.3) in the Ligue 1 and Jorginho Frello in the Premier League (89.4). In the latter competition, Chelsea’s midfielder outranks Rubén Dias (89.4), Wilfred Ndidi (85.2) and Luke Shaw (83.4). The technical profiles of all big-5 league players are available here.

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2 minutes ago, Mana said:

Claude who used to be your on AFTV has passed away...

Damn, what caused it? He suddenly got so fat that he could barely breath I remember. He was alright imo, he was about facts and not surgering all the details. RIP.

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Sergio Agüero, the muse to Martin Tyler’s signature moment    Almost nine years old. Photograph: Tom Jenkins/The Guardian Scott Murray AGÜERGO Lee Bradbury. Gerry Creaney. Rodney Marsh. Jô. Down the years, Manchester City have never wanted for strikers that would get fans discussing their performances in a highly animated fashion down the drinker. With great feeling. At some length. Using fruity linguistic flourishes. Sergio Agüero can be filed alongside these dudes, too, albeit for slightly different reasons. Agüero has been jaw-dropping in a rather more acceptable way, with his 257 goals in 384 matches, and while he’s not quite as loveable or relatable as the equally legendary Shaun Goater, The Fiver will concede that he’s probably, on balance, a little bit better. Sergio Agüero has been far more than a great goalscorer for Manchester City | Jonathan Wilson Read more But all good things peter out anticlimactically, and on Monday night the muse to Martin Tyler’s signature moment calmly announced his intention to quietly take his leave of City at the end of this supporter-free season. “When a cycle comes to an end, many sensations arise,” began a statement which in an ideal world would have been set to the soothing sounds of the pan pipes. Agüero went on to speak of his “indestructible bond with all those who love this club, people who will always be in my heart” and promised to “give it my utmost for the rest of the season”, which, given his knack problems, will probably consist mainly of sitting in the stands looking on aghast as City somehow conjure up yet another absurd way to crash out of Big Cup while hot favourites. But even if European glory once again evades City, they’re going to win the league, aren’t they, and so Agüero ends his 10-year stay having landed five titles, an FA Cup and 287 Milk Cups. That’s not bad going, especially when you throw in the most dramatic winner of all, one that sent Fergie into a flat spin and knocked Michael Thomas into a c0cked hat. He leaves in search of “a new stage with new challenges”, and unlike the aforementioned Bradbury, Creaney, Marsh and Po’ Jô, bodyswerves a notorious graveyard for strikers with reputation very much intact. No pressure on his mooted replacement Erling Braut Haaland, then, given that at City, this job usually goes one of two very distinct ways. QUOTE OF THE DAY “It was horrible! I apologise to all the mothers who saw their children get the same haircut … but the journalists saw [it] and forgot about the [knack]” – the Real Ronaldo reckons his unique World Cup 2002 hairdo, which looked like a massive forehead-bothering monobrow, ended up being a handy diversionary prop in press conferences.  It’s like he’s wearing his face as a mask. Photograph: Daniel García/EPA RECOMMENDED LOOKING David Squires counts your flags and conjures some lifelong England memories. RECOMMENDED LISTENING It’s only Football Weekly: your questions answered. FIVER LETTERS “First, it was pre-empting Spurs’ Big Vase travails, then the lauding of O’Ireland before their meeting with Luxembourg – maybe it’s time to pen a piece on Steve Bruce’s longevity at St James’ Park? You’d never have to buy your own Tin in Newcastle ever again when the inevitable comes to pass” – Jim Hearson. “News that UK culture secretary, Oliver Dowden, is hopeful that crowds of more than 10,000 may be able to attend some matches at Euro Not 2020 has doubtlessly been greeted with envy in Dublin. The FAI won’t be expecting crowds that big until at least the World Cup 2026 qualifiers” – Justin Kavanagh. Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Justin Kavanagh. NEWS, BITS AND BOBS Rebecca Welch is the first woman appointed to referee a Football League game. “I’ve got no doubt, in the next 10 to 15 years, we will see a female referee in the Premier League,” she peeped before Harrogate Town v Port Vale on Monday.  Rebecca Welch will be officiating Harrogate v Port Vale. Photograph: Adam Davy/Reuters Republic O’Ireland boss Stephen Kenny has expressed dismay at the sorry state of human rights in Qatar before his side’s friendly against the 2022 hosts. “It’s not acceptable for so many people to lose their lives,” he said. “You can’t sweep that under the carpet, it can’t be ignored.” Poland expect their 1-1 World Cup qualifying draw with England at Wembley to go ahead despite the number of positive Covid cases in Paolo Sousa’s squad rising to four. Both legs of Chelsea’s Big Cup quarter-final win on away goals over Porto will be played in Seville because of Covid. Mo Salah reckons memories of being shoulder-slammed out of the 2018 Big Cup final by Sergio Ramos will give him more pep in his step when Liverpool face Real Madrid next week. “Let’s just say that I have special motivation to win the tie,” he blabbed to Madrid’s in-house magazine Marca. Shortbread McFiver’s hopes of a Scotland debut have been given a boost after Steve Clarke admitted he is feeling frisky enough to give someone else a go in goal against the Faroe Islands. “I can use the depth of the squad if I feel it is the right thing to do,” he teased. “I know what my team is, I have it written down and it is in my pocket.” And Mongolia are nursing their wounds after a 14-0 shoeing in HR World Cup qualifying. STILL WANT MORE? “I felt degraded”: Ram Marwa on being racially abused as a young footballer.  Ram Marwa, pictured with his 13-year-old son Bjorn. Photograph: Tom Jenkins/The Guardian Beleaguered O’Ireland boss Stephen Kenny needs to be cut some slack and given more time, reckons Paul Doyle. Floating football brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson dissects the meaning of Sergio Agüero and his symbolic importance to City. David Hytner gets his chat on with new Poland manager Paulo Sousa about interacting with his team on Zoom, Bob Lewandowski and the greats he played with. Which Premier League clubs have the hardest and easiest run-ins? Ben McAleer takes a butcher’s. Could a Norway boycott of the Human Rights World Cup in 2022 change the future of football, wonders Håvard Melnæs. Caitlin Murray on the fallout from the failure of the USA! USA!! USA!!! men’s team to qualify for Big Sports Day in Tokyo. Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO! DELVING INTO THE REACHES OF THIS SITE

[MoroccanBlue 5,296]

Drogbaaaaaaaaahhhh > Aguerooooooooo

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A little pushback against the punditocracy's blowhardista wing    Cristiano Ronaldo in action against Luxembourg. Photograph: Pascal Rossignol/Reuters Scott Murray IT’S ALL HAPPENING England played very well last week against San Marino, for 45 minutes, and were efficient if not exactly effervescent against Albania at the weekend. Nothing to worry about there, although exactly how much use it is to anyone in a world where Belgium’s second string are capable of walking in eight against Belarus, celebrating their goals with little more than an insouciant shrug, is a moot point. Belgium’s haul was one of several eye-catching scorelines in the Human Rights World Cup qualifiers on Tuesday, along with Gibraltar 0-0 Netherlands after 40 minutes and Luxembourg 1-0 Portugal after 44. If we could have blown the final whistle there and then, sat back, got out the popcorn and immersed ourselves in the lovely fallout, we would have, promise you. World Cup qualifying roundup: Ronaldo on target in Portugal win Read more As things transpired, the Dutch went on to rattle in seven, while Portugal turned things around easily enough on account of actually being awarded goals for shots that crossed the line this time. Even so, Luxembourg’s early success against the European champions will have made Stephen Kenny feel a little better about himself in the wake of that nul-points fiasco last Saturday. The beleaguered O’Ireland boss will also have experienced the strange other-worldly sensation of happiness when a lovely training-ground corner routine led to a goal for James McClean in their friendly draw against Qatar. At last, some proof that it is worth persevering with the implementation of a more expansive style! A little pushback against the blowhardista wing of the punditocracy, who think O’Irish fans should settle for hoof and hope until the rapture and be happy about it too. It was also a good night for the Welsh, for whom things were looking grim until nine minutes from time, when Dan James, the Pocket Toshack, rose to claim the points against the Czech Republic with an unlikely header. That instantly upgraded their qualification status from Pipe Dream to In The Hunt, something Norn Iron and Scotland will also be hoping to achieve on Wednesday with home fixtures against, respectively, Bulgaria and the folk who chase Berti Vogts over broken glass in his dreams. All of which leaves us with England, who would have been hot favourites to beat a Poland side with Robert Lewandowski in it, and are hot favourites to beat a Poland side without Robert Lewandowski in it. Still, if things go wrong and the Poles best England for only the second time in their history, look on the bright side: at least the next time they meet, everyone should have finally stopped banging on about 197effing3. LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE! Join Scott Murray from 7.45pm BST for hot MBM coverage of England 2-1 Poland, while Paul Doyle will be on hand for the rest of the HRWC qualifiers. QUOTE OF THE DAY “I had to mark him a lot. Even when I tackled him, it was like: ‘Wow, I tackled Neymar!”” – Trevoh Chalobah gets his chat on with Jacob Steinberg and reveals the confidence-boosting upsides of being sent out on loan from Chelsea to Ligue Urrrrrrrn Lorient. RECOMMENDED VIEWING Look at his face! Just look at his face! FIVER LETTERS “I’m getting bored with the following usage: ‘O’Ireland’, ‘Tin’, ‘Queen’s Celtic’, ‘getting chat on’ and ‘knack’. Just so you know. Maybe time for a little creativity?” – The Man Tim Lynch. “A couple of weeks off from competitive football matches and this is what happens to US soccer news. Apropos of nothing, No 1 is apparently New York City FC coach Ronny Delia (there’s a blast from the past) who, let’s remember, quit the Queen’s Celtic back in 2016 due to his failure of only winning the league. Ah, them was the days” – Noble Francis. Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Noble Francis. NEWS, BITS AND BOBS Chelsea are the first team to reach the last four of Women’s Big Cup after a smooth 3-0 win over Wolfsburg secured a 5-1 aggregate triumph. Manchester City, meanwhile, are taking on Barcelona now, now, now.  Sam Kerr after getting the flamin’ second. Photograph: Szilárd Koszticsák/AP Arsenal Women are looking for a new manager to take the reins off Joe Montemurro, who is flamin’ well off at the end of the season. “I’m hugely grateful to the club for their unrelenting support during my time here and in understanding and respecting my decision,” he cheered. Premier League clubs lined the pockets of Mr 20%s to the tune of £272m between 1 February 2020 and 1 February 2021, an annual increase of £9m despite the pandemic. Adrian ‘Aidy’ Boothroyd has responded to criticism of his management of England U-21s in exactly the kind of defeatist manner that has been the hallmark of his side’s recent displays. “I think the job is the utterly impossible job,” he parped. The FA is deploying psychological profiling to help Hege Riise select the player to replace Steph Houghton as England’s captain in friendlies against France and Canada but, as far as we’re aware, no crime has been committed. Pep Guardiola has described Sergio Agüero as “irreplaceable” so he can rush to replace him at Manchester City with, most likely, Erling Braut Haaland. Stand-in Wales boss Robert Page can’t get enough of his defensive troops for holding strong against the Czechs. “They would have enjoyed that little battle at the end: five minutes, ‘put your tin hat on, dig a trench, and rise to the challenge,’” he roared. And under-fire Republic O’Ireland boss Stephen Kenny says sticks and stones may break his bones but words will never hurt him. “[Criticism after the 1-1 draw with Qatar] doesn’t hurt me because you know what? I don’t care,” he tooted. “I know what I’m doing, I’m very clear what I’m doing.” STILL WANT MORE? Producing serious flashbacks of being chased down the high street by harried Rumbelows staff at 4.30pm on a Saturday afternoon, courtesy of Steven Pye.  Some memories right there. Composite: Rex/BBC/ITV/Getty “We’re not little kids”: leading Mr 20%s are ready for war with Fifa over new rules, reports Ed Aarons. Bob Lewandowski-less Poland are hoping for a repeat of 197effing3 against England, writes David Hytner. What are football’s biggest wins or comebacks by teams with 10 men? The Knowledge knows. Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO! IF YOU WILL MARK YOUR OWN HOMEWORK

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Jogi Löw's stock falling further than an Oxo cube dropped from space    Oh Timo! Photograph: Ina Fassbender/AFP/Getty Images Barry Glendenning  @bglendenning JOGI AND A BOO-BOO When Jogi Löw announced three weeks ago that he would stepping down as Germany coach after this summer’s European Championships, few in his homeland shed too many salty tears. Despite masterminding their fourth World Cup victory and steering them towards the business end of other tournaments, the once-revolutionary 61-year old’s stock has plummeted further than an Oxo cube dropped from outer space – so much so that many of his compatriots would have been happy to bid him “auf wiedersehen” before this summer’s European jamboree even started. “I have great respect for Joachim Löw’s decision,” roared FA suit Fritz Keller last month, pointedly not mentioning that the German still had more than two years left on his contract. “It is thoroughly decent of him to inform us of his decision early; he has given us the necessary time and space to appoint a successor.” Herr Keller is likely to have woken up on Thursday morning with a great deal more respect for Löw’s decision, if not Löw himself, following Germany’s surprise home defeat at the hands of North Macedonia in their Human Rights World Cup qualifier. Euro 2020 power rankings: Belgium back on top as Germany plummet Read more Having put the ignominy of their November Nations League disgrace against Spain behind them with an emphatic victory over Iceland and a laboured win over Romania, Germany undid all their good work against a country that, since changing its name two years ago, only sounds like a fraction of its former self. “This is bitterly disappointing,” lamented Löw. “We were not fresh enough, we made mistakes. When we played quickly we were dangerous but we did not find the tools to be really threatening.” Among the tools Löw did have at his disposal was Timo Werner and the less-than-sharp striker was brought on to help rescue his nation from embarrassment as a substitute. With the North Macedonia goal gaping, he proceeded to go more viral than a Scottish rugby commentator’s Labradors with a miss so astonishingly bad that even an opposing defender was seen to throw his hands to his head in stunned disbelief as the ball trickled wide. “Most players from TV Dornholzhausen or SG Bissenberg would have looked better in that moment, even if they had a glass full of beer in their hand,” harrumphed Oliver Fritsch in Die Zeit, going so far as to compare the 25-year-old confidence vacuum to the German equivalent of a hungover Sunday League clogger. On the plus side for Timo, he may at least get the chance to put things some way right this weekend, when Chelsea host the top-flight Sunday League cloggers that are Big Sam’s West Brom. For Jögi, the future remains less clear but he remains in place for now. QUOTE OF THE DAY “We had a plan B and my staff were going to take charge of the game instead. It wouldn’t have made a big difference if I hadn’t made it” – Luis Enrique somewhat talks down his own import after almost missing Spain’s 3-1 win over Kosovo due to being trapped in a hotel lift for an hour before being rescued.  Ferran Torres fires home Spain’s second goal. Photograph: Miguel Angel Morenatti/AP RECOMMENDED LISTENING Come get some Football Weekly Extra. FIVER LETTERS “Re: Tim Lynch’s ennui concerning the over-familiarity of some of The Fiver’s stylings (yesterday’s Fiver letters). Predictability is the very essence of a catchphrase – indeed that quality alone has proved sufficient to launch at least one notable (though, with hindsight, slightly problematic) career in comedy, the writing of children’s books and then proto-national treasure. The Fiver just wouldn’t be the same without them, just as – even though it’s a dreadful piece of ancient cheese – Saturday nights just wouldn’t be right without the raucous tootling of the Match of The Day theme” – Steve Allen. “Stephen Kenny is trying to modernise the way O’Ireland play, but now he’s discovering the hard way that there hasn’t been any real quality in the side since around 2002. I fear the same might happen if The Fiver takes Tim Lynch’s advice about updating its jokes” – Bernard O’Leary. “Reading Tim’s letter surprised me because he was reading The Fiver … and looking for ‘more creativity’. Any would be a start! I’m off to discuss creativity with Stephen Kenny over some Tin” – Bobbie Isabel Davis. “Got to love Tim pleading for a bit of creativity from The Fiver, only to be followed by a missive issued by Noble Francis” – Jim Hearson (and others). Send your letters to [email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Bernard O’Leary. NEWS, BITS AND BOBS Yeovil captain Lee Collins has died at the age of 32. “Lee sadly passed away yesterday and our thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends,” said the club.  RIP Lee. Photograph: Harry Trump/Getty Images New research suggests home teams still retain a statistical advantage, even when games are played behind closed doors. “I was always convinced that me being at the games and supporting the team, at least changed something, sometimes,” sighed Prof Matthias Weigelt of Paderborn University. “But what can you do? It is science and the large data set of more than 40,000 games, [in] the study, cannot be ignored.” Erling Haaland’s Mr 20%, Mino Raiola, has held talks with Barcelona after meeting Dortmund earlier this week to discuss their asking price for the striker this summer. England manager Gareth Southgate is chuffed to bits that John Stones helped atone for his error in their 2-1 HRWC qualifying win over Poland. “The pleasing thing was John regained his composure quickly, recovered in the game and thankfully had an important part in the winning goal,” he cheered. Adrian ‘Aidy’ Boothroyd thinks England have some soul-searching to do after another premature booting from the U-21 Euros. “I’m confident I know what I’m doing for this job,” he honked. “We should look a bit closer at ourselves and examine where we can get better.” The Fiver thinks it knows where they could start. Former Bayern president Uli Hoeness wants Germany to pull its finger out over Covid vaccinations. “It’s a matter of fighting against a disease we haven’t experienced before and so we must stand together,” he tooted. Vaxx, yes. Taxx, er … And Sergio Ramos is a doubt for Real Madrid’s Big Cup tie against Liverpool due to calf-twang. That sound you may hear over the coming days is thousands of Big Cup preview pieces being shredded. STILL WANT MORE? The Euro 2020 power rankings are a curious thing. Make a one man weep (Jogi Löw), make another man sing (Bobby M).  Pow, pow, power rankings! Composite: Reuters, Rex, EPA, Getty In the first of a new Women’s Super League series, Lydia Williams, the Arsenal and flamin’ Australia goalkeeper, says she’d “love to inspire the next generation of Indigenous athletes”. Roberto Baggio and Andrea Pirlo against Alessandro Del Piero and Zinedine Zidane: Juventus 1-1 Brescia in 2001. Emmet Gates remembers the Divine Ponytail’s greatest goal. The very much misunderstood Raheem Sterling was a lone attacking spark amid England’s sludge against Poland, writes Barney Ronay. Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO! ENJOY THE LONG BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND. BACK TUESDAY

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Friday April 2 2021 Football Nerd

How Everton's misfiring attack could see them miss out on Europe By Daniel Zeqiri Ask Everton fans what Carlo Ancelotti has brought to the club and their answer is likely to include several intangibles: prestige, a winning mentality or added confidence in the biggest matches. In short, necessary rather than sufficient qualities. A closer look at Everton's numbers and football suggests they are still a long way from being serious Champions League contenders. They have won just four league games at Goodison Park all season. They are averaging just 9.8 shots-per-game, their second lowest total in a Premier League season since records began in 1997-98. Their defensive statistics are not particularly impressive: in the bottom half for shots conceded, shots on target conceded and xG conceded. In this week's Football Nerd, I take a closer look at Everton's season and ask if they are really heading in the right direction.   How Everton's paltry attacking output could see them miss out on Europe Football Nerd: Everton fans love having Carlo Ancelotti as their manager but are they really going in the right direction? https://www.telegraph.co.uk/football/2021/04/02/evertons-paltry-attacking-output-could-see-miss-europe Everton fans are positively smitten with Carlo Ancelotti: he has given them their first league win at Liverpool for 22 years, a season-long challenge for the European places and a general sense of progression with a new stadium at Bramley-Moore Dock on the horizon.  A closer look at their football however, reveals Everton are a long way from being considered serious Champions League candidates. After a home match against Crystal Palace and a trip to Brighton they face Tottenham, Arsenal, Aston Villa and West Ham in successive Premier League games. They could be in an uphill battle to finish in the top eight, which would be a disappointing conclusion to a promising season.  The first problem Everton need to address is their home form. They are fourth in the away table with nine wins from 14 games, but 15th in the home equivalent with just five wins in 14 at Goodison Park. Ancelotti's team have lost home fixtures against Fulham, Newcastle and Burnley.  This poor record reflects the fact Everton struggle to put teams under sustained pressure. Everton are averaging just 9.8 shots-per-game, their second lowest total in a Premier League season since records began in 1997-98. Only Burnley, Crystal Palace, Sheffield United and West Brom take fewer shots per game.  Everton fare slightly better when it comes to expected goals, testament to Dominic Calvert-Lewin's talent for getting high-quality chances in the six-yard box, but their output is still pretty mediocre. Their average of 1.22 xG per game puts them 12th in the rankings, behind West Ham, Leeds, Brighton, Aston Villa, Tottenham and Arsenal.    They have relied on the efficiency of Calvert-Lewin and Richarlison to score 40 league goals from a season-long xG tally of 34.14. Everton's shot conversion rate is 14.7 per cent, their highest in a Premier League season since 1997-98. Is that sustainable?  Their defensive statistics are not particularly impressive, in the bottom half for shots conceded, shots on target conceded and xG conceded.  Big name appointments give fans comfort, but are Everton really going anywhere? There are certainly positives. Ben Godfrey has proved an excellent purchase at the back, precisely the kind of young talent Everton should be targeting, and they have one of the best strike partnerships around in Richarlison and Calvert-Lewin who are the right age at 23 and 24.  The concern is Everton went big on Allan, James Rodriguez and Abdoulaye Doucoure last summer - 30, 29 and 28 respectively - yet central midfield still looks an area lacking intensity out of possession and quality on the ball.  Ancelotti is not a great builder of teams and clubs; his best work has been fine-tuning squads filled with elite players. Everton fans love having the Italian as their manager, but whether he is exactly what they need remains an unanswered question.

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2020-21 English Premier League

Leicester City                
Manchester City           

http://www.sportnews.to/mysports/2021/premier-league-leicester-city-vs-manchester-city-s1/

https://www.totalsportek.com/leicester-city-one/