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Manuf

By Manuf,
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We Hate Scouse
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Finally have internet so I'll be posting more. In other news here is some photos of my son

Muzchap
Muzchap

Talking of marriage and seeing as the thread is already de-railed - I got married at the weekend It was amazing - hired a marquee and had Dodgems and a carousel along with a double decker bus convert

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Leif

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Had an emotional breakdown earlier. Time for some confessions (nowhere else to write them so will just put them here, heh.)

First of all, I want to apologize to Rmpr, Kojo, anyone else whom I've conversed with in an immature manor or rustled feathers with. I'm a hot head who's been a bit of a loner for the past few years due to living in an isolated community in the middle of nowhere in Scotland with nothing but 100 pot-heads, annoying family members and 20 snob families. I've got 1 real-life friend called Calum who's 19, 2 years older than me, but suffered an accident 2 years ago which left him with brain damage meaning he's not actually that much of a 'friend' anymore considering he can barely hold a conversation. I guess this causes me to act out online in a way which I wouldn't associate with myself in real life.

I've lived in this shitty community for the majority of my life, wasting away my youth years playing Playstation & talking to people online but not in real life. I guess all the misery properly started (ironically considering how much I go on about it) when I dropped out of school. As it's 50 or so miles away, I've barely been able to keep in contact with school friends, meaning they've pretty much forgotten about me. (I've always been forgettable. Never the leader; usually a sheep. Quiet, shy, reserved.)

Nothing that I love is here. I always dreamed of living in a city or even a borough. I know the whole "The grass is greener" quote, and I partially agree, but in my situation the current grass is dead.

I love fashion, rap music, Chelsea; nothing you'd associate with Scotland.

I dreamed up the fantasy life that I wanted to live. It would be living in Kent or even Surrey. I'd have a dog (which I don't yet have) and my current cat (which is the only thing preventing me from moving at the moment. He has a perfect life here and I'd feel like a dickhead taking him away from that.) I'd be a Chelsea season ticket holder, Matthew Harding end hopefully, and actually have friends in real life to converse with. I'd have my 2 family members who're knee-deep into the music scene living in London (which they do) instead of being around family here whom I mutually despise. I'd actually talk to girls (haven't kissed anyone yet), have a social life. Of course all of that is easier said than done, but that is what I believe would make me feel happiness again which I haven't felt in years.

Dreaming up that fantasy life has been bad for me though. Very bad. I've done something I'm not proud of, and not shared with anyone before. My life is currently sitting at my computer, refreshing this forum, and one terrible thing which starting today I'm trying to stop - Using a fake Twitter account.

To escape the crap reality I'm in I took the pictures of some kid from Worcester around my age, uploaded 'em, got 2,000 or so followers, claimed to live in Kent, claimed to have a dog, claimed to have everything I'm wanting in life - and built loads of relationships (friendships, not 'internet dating' or anything.) It all got so far out of hand it's hard to believe. I never intended to do this shit. It's shit like this which disgusts me when I hear and watch things about "Catfish" (A TV programme) and I've realised I've basically been one myself. My depression has only been worsened by this whole thing despite the original plan being it'd make me feel better.

I've been taking steps to try and re-create myself. As posted a while ago, I was obese. 5'4" and 180lbs isn't a pretty look. I'm now down to 147lbs and counting. The plan is to reach my weight goal, get a proper nice haircut, start grooming myself better and taking care of myself, and heck, maybe even treating myself to a photoshoot so I feel good, who knows. I've heard "If you look good, you feel good", and I want to try it. Then maybe I'll even get a proper picture up of me on here and not have to resort to fake Twitter accounts!

I'm not mentally challenged, impaired or anything like that. But I do suffer from depression, anxiety, a currently unnamed personality disorder which doctors are currently trying to decipher and physical problems caused by an acne treatment I took when I was 14.

Bit by bit I'm trying to improve myself. I just wonder though... will me moving and having a fresh start actually help at all or am I just fooling myself? My mum's agreed we can move to Kent. We've found a few houses we're interested in. We're going to go and browse some in a week's time. Is it worth it? I honestly am so confused right now.

I know I've made myself sound like a scummy human especially with the Twitter thing, but I'm really trying to change.

If anyone's wondered why I'm so awkward and weird, I guess that's your answer. I'm not even sure I'm looking for a reply. I've forgotten so much but I just needed to let out what I could somewhere and this is the only place I feel comfortable.

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Dion

Dion 2,476

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Posted

Had an emotional breakdown earlier. Time for some confessions (nowhere else to write them so will just put them here, heh.)

First of all, I want to apologize to Rmpr, Kojo, anyone else whom I've conversed with in an immature manor or rustled feathers with. I'm a hot head who's been a bit of a loner for the past few years due to living in an isolated community in the middle of nowhere in Scotland with nothing but 100 pot-heads, annoying family members and 20 snob families. I've got 1 real-life friend called Calum who's 19, 2 years older than me, but suffered an accident 2 years ago which left him with brain damage meaning he's not actually that much of a 'friend' anymore considering he can barely hold a conversation. I guess this causes me to act out online in a way which I wouldn't associate with myself in real life.

I've lived in this shitty community for the majority of my life, wasting away my youth years playing Playstation & talking to people online but not in real life. I guess all the misery properly started (ironically considering how much I go on about it) when I dropped out of school. As it's 50 or so miles away, I've barely been able to keep in contact with school friends, meaning they've pretty much forgotten about me. (I've always been forgettable. Never the leader; usually a sheep. Quiet, shy, reserved.)

Nothing that I love is here. I always dreamed of living in a city or even a borough. I know the whole "The grass is greener" quote, and I partially agree, but in my situation the current grass is dead.

I love fashion, rap music, Chelsea; nothing you'd associate with Scotland.

I dreamed up the fantasy life that I wanted to live. It would be living in Kent or even Surrey. I'd have a dog (which I don't yet have) and my current cat (which is the only thing preventing me from moving at the moment. He has a perfect life here and I'd feel like a dickhead taking him away from that.) I'd be a Chelsea season ticket holder, Matthew Harding end hopefully, and actually have friends in real life to converse with. I'd have my 2 family members who're knee-deep into the music scene living in London (which they do) instead of being around family here whom I mutually despise. I'd actually talk to girls (haven't kissed anyone yet), have a social life. Of course all of that is easier said than done, but that is what I believe would make me feel happiness again which I haven't felt in years.

Dreaming up that fantasy life has been bad for me though. Very bad. I've done something I'm not proud of, and not shared with anyone before. My life is currently sitting at my computer, refreshing this forum, and one terrible thing which starting today I'm trying to stop - Using a fake Twitter account.

To escape the crap reality I'm in I took the pictures of some kid from Worcester around my age, uploaded 'em, got 2,000 or so followers, claimed to live in Kent, claimed to have a dog, claimed to have everything I'm wanting in life - and built loads of relationships (friendships, not 'internet dating' or anything.) It all got so far out of hand it's hard to believe. I never intended to do this shit. It's shit like this which disgusts me when I hear and watch things about "Catfish" (A TV programme) and I've realised I've basically been one myself. My depression has only been worsened by this whole thing despite the original plan being it'd make me feel better.

I've been taking steps to try and re-create myself. As posted a while ago, I was obese. 5'4" and 180lbs isn't a pretty look. I'm now down to 147lbs and counting. The plan is to reach my weight goal, get a proper nice haircut, start grooming myself better and taking care of myself, and heck, maybe even treating myself to a photoshoot so I feel good, who knows. I've heard "If you look good, you feel good", and I want to try it. Then maybe I'll even get a proper picture up of me on here and not have to resort to fake Twitter accounts!

I'm not mentally challenged, impaired or anything like that. But I do suffer from depression, anxiety, a currently unnamed personality disorder which doctors are currently trying to decipher and physical problems caused by an acne treatment I took when I was 14.

Bit by bit I'm trying to improve myself. I just wonder though... will me moving and having a fresh start actually help at all or am I just fooling myself? My mum's agreed we can move to Kent. We've found a few houses we're interested in. We're going to go and browse some in a week's time. Is it worth it? I honestly am so confused right now.

I know I've made myself sound like a scummy human especially with the Twitter thing, but I'm really trying to change.

If anyone's wondered why I'm so awkward and weird, I guess that's your answer. I'm not even sure I'm looking for a reply. I've forgotten so much but I just needed to let out what I could somewhere and this is the only place I feel comfortable.

Looking better might help making you feel better. But at the end of the day it's all in your head. Your mentality has to change, not your body. No wonder there are a lot of girls who become anorexic because they think they're fat even though they're thin. Because, ultimately, it's about how you see yourself, not really about how you look.

It looks to me that you have a very low self-esteem, you should work on that. From my experience, I can say that engaging in activities help me not getting depressed - if I just stay home browsing the internet and talking to people in online forums I get sad/depressed really fast. I need to keep my mind busy in the process of achieving some goal to be happier. Another thing that really helps me is doing physical activities, dopamine works wonders to make you feel better, aside from that, you may bond with other people if you are doing some physical activity in group, let's say, playing soccer. It's really easy to bond with people that way, almost as much as being drunk with them, haha.

P.S.: I have a very curious mind, would you care sending me the fake twitter? I'd really like to see what you say there :)

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Dion

Dion 2,476

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Posted

Asshole, I will send all your complaints to your professor and make him repeat you! :ph34r:

He's such a prick that I wouldn't be surprised if he called your professors and made them fail you too, just for the audacity of speaking to him.

In all seriousness, I've never met a more unpleasant man in my life.

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Stingray

Stingray 9,441

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He's such a prick that I wouldn't be surprised if he called your professors and made them fail you too, just for the audacity of speaking to him.

In all seriousness, I've never met a more unpleasant man in my life.

Ah, those asshole professors. The blessing for those young, friendly assistants when meeting those disappointed naieve university girls. Sigh.

Yeaaaaaah :Goober:

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