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The Pub - Discuss Anything

Manuf

By Manuf,
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We Hate Scouse
We Hate Scouse

Finally have internet so I'll be posting more. In other news here is some photos of my son

Muzchap
Muzchap

Talking of marriage and seeing as the thread is already de-railed - I got married at the weekend It was amazing - hired a marquee and had Dodgems and a carousel along with a double decker bus convert

We Hate Scouse
We Hate Scouse

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OneMoSalah

OneMoSalah 8,810

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Once, in Primary School, I had a very scary teacher who was doing art with us. She gave me her special brown pen so I could colour something in as all the other brown pens were being used.

I broke the pen, and was too scared to say anything.

So I went to the toilet with the drawing I wanted to colour in brown and took a big shit on the floor. I then got a paper towel and picked some of the poo up, took it over to a sink and tried to make it into a paste by adding a little water.

I then dabbed my index finger into the poo mixture and simply stroked the areas of my drawing I wanted brown.

I just wanted to share that with you all.

Basically you shat yourself because the teacher would have ripped you a new one for breaking a "wee brown pencil", fuck me you share the best stories ever, that happened to me too.... did it fuck hahahaha

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OneMoSalah

OneMoSalah 8,810

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Who'd you get those off? Some dirty street walking skank that you go to school with I bet.

Bought them from amazon

talking about school I really should be in the now but I cba moving. Does that make me a bad person? No it makes me Scottish. Lazy and prefers to be out of education... :Goober:

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Spike

Spike 12,049

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I have a good school story too. Once when I was a wee lad of 13 we were playing football for PE. The teacher was female and she was an idiot. She didn't quite understand the rules and eventually after being called offside one too many times she said "How about you stay onside for once?", I replied "How about you suck my dick?". Suspened for three days.

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Hutcho

Hutcho 8,443

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I have a good school story too. Once when I was a wee lad of 13 we were playing football for PE. The teacher was female and she was an idiot. She didn't quite understand the rules and eventually after being called offside one too many times she said "How about you stay onside for once?", I replied "How about you suck my dick?". Suspened for three days.

Lol.

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Spike

Spike 12,049

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Bought them from amazon

talking about school I really should be in the now but I cba moving. Does that make me a bad person? No it makes me Scottish. Lazy and prefers to be out of education... :Goober:

When Iwas in High School all the girls fit into one of three categories. Mean, ugly and fat. I'm not joking all the girls fit into one of those categories, none of them were good looking. None. There was one I fancied and should have got with, but I got way too drunk one New Years and you know how it is with the scotch.

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OneMoSalah

OneMoSalah 8,810

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When Iwas in High School all the girls fit into one of three categories. Mean, ugly and fat. I'm not joking all the girls fit into one of those categories, none of them were good looking. None. There was one I fancied and should have got with, but I got way too drunk one New Years and you know how it is with the scotch.

All the girls in Scotland fit into this category. Sluts. Hhahahaha true fact.

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Spike

Spike 12,049

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All the girls in Scotland fit into this category. Sluts. Hhahahaha true fact.

Is there such a thing as an attractive Scottish bird? I've never met one. Well that's not necessarily true...there was this one...

Fucking hell there is this Canadian girl around town. I must become charming in the next few days. Or failing that become handsome.

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manpe

manpe 10,861

Posted
Posted

Once, in Primary School, I had a very scary teacher who was doing art with us. She gave me her special brown pen so I could colour something in as all the other brown pens were being used.

I broke the pen, and was too scared to say anything.

So I went to the toilet with the drawing I wanted to colour in brown and took a big shit on the floor. I then got a paper towel and picked some of the poo up, took it over to a sink and tried to make it into a paste by adding a little water.

I then dabbed my index finger into the poo mixture and simply stroked the areas of my drawing I wanted brown.

I just wanted to share that with you all.

Once, when I was a little boy, I got a huge need for shit. So I excused myself and went to the nearest toilet. For 5-10 minutes I was in complete heaven, I actually thought I'd died and was about to get it on with 77 virgins. Anyway, once the euphoria had passed, I started skimming and scanning for paper. THERE WAS NONE! Oh the horror. I did what every intelligent being would have done, I wiped with my hand. Obviously it wasn't effective enough, so I had no choice but to smear my trousers in chocolate pudding. I then got out of the toilet in stealth mode so nobody would spot me. With my hand reeking and behind squishing, I made it to my target - a loo upstairs. There I found the ugly truth that there was no paper either. I was distraught. Sadly I don't remember what happened next, but I probably escaped and went home.

Moral of the story: always check for paper before loosening your sphincter.

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Kezza

Kezza 1,965

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I think I'm gonna attempt to grow a Juan Mata-esque beard.. well when I say attempt I mean not shave for ages until I have a beard...

How many years will that take? 3-5?

Matas beard is one of a kind. You cant recreate that shit.

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OneMoSalah

OneMoSalah 8,810

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How many years will that take? 3-5?

Matas beard is one of a kind. You cant recreate that shit.

When Mata first signed he didn't have a beard, it took him like 3 months to grow that bushy bastard of a beard. I'm willing to wait 3 months...

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Amblève.

Amblève. 4,995

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When Mata first signed he didn't have a beard, it took him like 3 months to grow that bushy bastard of a beard. I'm willing to wait 3 months...

Have fun! lol

It will just get ridiculous after 3 weeks or so. At least that's how it looked like when I wanted to do a Mata till I shaved a couple of days ago :lol:

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