The Benitez Thread

[TheCount 146]

Everyone to have managed Chelsea by 2014

CHELSEA FC has confirmed that everybody in the UK will have a chance to manage their club over the next two years.

The main quality Margaret Gerving wants in a player is politeness

England’s longest-running farce has drawn up a schedule of 15-minute managerial appointments, starting with 78-year-old Margaret Gerving from Carlisle, who will oversee the first part of Sunday’s match against Manchester City.

The huge rota will begin as soon as Chelsea staff find Rafael Benitez, who is currently hiding somewhere in Stamford Bridge with the keys to the main entrance and all the forks from the canteen stuffed into his coat pockets.

Margaret Gerving said: “My grandson puts the football on sometimes when he comes to visit and that’s given me enough insight to know that Torres can fucking whistle if he thinks he’s starting up front.

“I will be starting that nice Ashley Cole, though. Beautiful manners and immaculately turned out, he is. It’s a mystery no nice young lady has snapped him up.”

Each sacking will be accompanied by a six-figure payout and it’s hoped that Chelsea can drag the country out of recession by the time the first few million people have been sent on gardening leave.

Employed people will be allowed to manage the club during their lunch hour and the under-fives will be given overnight slots which are anticipated to be quiet, apart from the occasional Travelodge-related incident.

A Chelsea spokesman said: “I don’t have the full list of forthcoming managers to hand but I can tell you that Sven Goran Eriksson is about 62 millionth.”

I'd sig this if its possible, best thing i've read here ever.

[Severinb 309]

http://www.guardian....lsea?CMP=twt_gu

WTF how can they let them go this is becoming one of the worst week as a chelsea fan..

[Henrique 9,133]

Guardiola can become brazilian nt head coach. It means Benitez will be here untill 2014.

lol

[Blue Armour 4,436]

http://www.guardian....lsea?CMP=twt_gu

WTF how can they let them go this is becoming one of the worst week as a chelsea fan..

Not that Benitez has a say in the matter...

But anyway, its disappointing if true. I understand the club shouldn't simply give into player demands, but you do have to reach a compromise. If players like Cole and Lampard are dispensable, why do they continue to return to the starting eleven every few days? Unless they have a desperate need to balance their books, I hope the board reconsiders their position on this.

[Yasser 63]

Guys on Sunday i hope to put everything behind us and support the team whatever who was the manager!

Come on the Chels!!!!!

[TorontoChelsea 4,064]

Not that Benitez has a say in the matter...

But anyway, its disappointing if true. I understand the club shouldn't simply give into player demands, but you do have to reach a compromise. If players like Cole and Lampard are dispensable, why do they continue to return to the starting eleven every few days? Unless they have a desperate need to balance their books, I hope the board reconsiders their position on this.

The problem is that the club stands firm on club legends but then goes and spends like crazy on transfers and pays insane salaries to sub-par players. David Luiz had 3 years left on his contract and Chelsea still gave him an insane 120K/week on a new contract. Why? Because there were rumours that Barca wanted him for 30M? Great! We can't afford to keep Lampard or Cole, but not only have we kept Torres who makes more than anyone, we keep trying to build teams around him. It's a lack of respect towards our legends. Anyway, how much more expensive is it going to be to go out and have to buy a new LB? You can't complain about nickles and dimes when you are flushing hundred dollar bills down the toilet.

[Strike 7,477]

The problem is that the club stands firm on club legends but then goes and spends like crazy on transfers and pays insane salaries to sub-par players. David Luiz had 3 years left on his contract and Chelsea still gave him an insane 120K/week on a new contract. Why? Because there were rumours that Barca wanted him for 30M? Great! We can't afford to keep Lampard or Cole, but not only have we kept Torres who makes more than anyone, we keep trying to build teams around him. It's a lack of respect towards our legends. Anyway, how much more expensive is it going to be to go out and have to buy a new LB? You can't complain about nickles and dimes when you are flushing hundred dollar bills down the toilet.

the transfer policy is completely out of the manager's hands. even under mourinho, i always felt that shevchencko was more of a Roman-signing than Jose's. Except Scolari, who made a few of his Own signings - Deco, Bosingwa, all the other managers were puppet-stringed in the transfer market. Remember AVB - "de Bruyne was more of a club signing"

Benitez will be no different. As he said, he will focus on Coaching the team. Emenalo, Gourlay and co. will be looking after transfers. i believe that's where we've got it all wrong. the manager should look at his team and think what's needed and what's not. not the executives.the manager will be the one with inside knowledge of the team and he should be given total control of transfers. well not under Rafa but from the summer onwards

[Chelsea? 892]

If we signed a monkey to manage us, some on here would start to praise it regardless of the crap that comes out of it. Rafa ain't don't nothing new since joining and we calling him smart already?

[Sheva. 5,373]

If we signed a monkey to manage us, some on here would start to praise it regardless of the crap that comes out of it. Rafa ain't don't nothing new since joining and we calling him smart already?

Yes, if the monkey has a proven track record...

[Rmpr 8,977]

the transfer policy is completely out of the manager's hands. even under mourinho, i always felt that shevchencko was more of a Roman-signing than Jose's. Except Scolari, who made a few of his Own signings - Deco, Bosingwa, all the other managers were puppet-stringed in the transfer market. Remember AVB - "de Bruyne was more of a club signing"

Benitez will be no different. As he said, he will focus on Coaching the team. Emenalo, Gourlay and co. will be looking after transfers. i believe that's where we've got it all wrong. the manager should look at his team and think what's needed and what's not. not the executives.the manager will be the one with inside knowledge of the team and he should be given total control of transfers. well not under Rafa but from the summer onwards

I also think it is completely wrong, but I dont think it is solely made by the executives. I think the transfers come from both sides. I mean, the managers get what he wants in some positions but in others they just "recieves" the players Roman want (Sheva, Torres, etc)...

[mybodyisready 155]

I also think it is completely wrong, but I dont think it is solely made by the executives. I think the transfers come from both sides. I mean, the managers get what he wants in some positions but in others he just "recieves" the players Roman want (Sheva, Torres, etc)...

Ancelotti wanted Torres months before he was signed.

[Rmpr 8,977]

The problem is that the club stands firm on club legends but then goes and spends like crazy on transfers and pays insane salaries to sub-par players. David Luiz had 3 years left on his contract and Chelsea still gave him an insane 120K/week on a new contract. Why? Because there were rumours that Barca wanted him for 30M? Great! We can't afford to keep Lampard or Cole, but not only have we kept Torres who makes more than anyone, we keep trying to build teams around him. It's a lack of respect towards our legends. Anyway, how much more expensive is it going to be to go out and have to buy a new LB? You can't complain about nickles and dimes when you are flushing hundred dollar bills down the toilet.

Roman must do 2 things immediately.

1. He must find a manager he finally trusts and dreams of. This cant be prolonged anymore, it can not pass the summer. I dont care if it is Benitez, Pep, his wife, whatever. Only then we will have a coach with enough power to do his job and prevent the board `s intervention. This will give us what a lot of people want: stability, identiny, playing style, respect with the legends, connection with the fans, budget contention, etc.

2. Create a decent and capable hierarchy at the club. The way it is cant be sustainable anymore. It is not clear who has power and who doesnt and who directly reports to whom. Everyone thinks they own a part of Chelsea.

I think the first action will lead to the second, it cant continue like this. I still trust him though...

[Strike 7,477]

- We lose to West Brom 2-1.

- Juventus take us for a dump in Turin

- di Matteo is fired

- Fat Spanish Waiter takes charge

- Clattenburg wins racism case - Chelsea the villains again

- Lampard and Cole all but confirmed to be leaving

Can't agree more. Worst week in our History

But, things can't get worse on Sunday can it? Chelsea to beat ManC. It's football. Shit happens

[Chelsea? 892]

Yes, if the monkey has a proven track record...

this guy hasnt been good for a longer period than Torres.

[TorontoChelsea 4,064]

Benitez will be no different. As he said, he will focus on Coaching the team. Emenalo, Gourlay and co. will be looking after transfers. i believe that's where we've got it all wrong. the manager should look at his team and think what's needed and what's not. not the executives.the manager will be the one with inside knowledge of the team and he should be given total control of transfers. well not under Rafa but from the summer onwards

Mourinho also had some of his own transfers (the Portuguese players and some others). Meireles was certainly an AVB signing as well...but I agree with you entirely, it's horrible value to keep buying players the way we do. It's how we end up with a mish-mash of players who fit into different systems. If you look at our general starting outfield 10, we have a LB who would start in any system. We have one CB who is solid but slow (Terry) suited for a conservative game, and another who is skilled but a football idiot suited for a team where he doesn't have to defend. We have a right back who is fine but lacks the speed on the wings for a really attacking system. We have a defensive midfielder who is very good but moves the ball a little slowly for a really attacking system. We have a central midfielder who is best used for a counter-attack system. We have two #10s who like to get ball and distribute from the centre as well as take long shots and one #10 who likes to drive to the net and we have a striker who wants to be played in in goal with through balls.

Now, some of these players can play together and can be coached into a very good side, but there are just so many diverse sorts of players who would thrive under different systems, it makes it near impossible to have a cohesive unit. What system would fit both Terry and Luiz? What system would fit Ramires and Mata? Hazard and Torres? Real football isn't like football manager where you can just put players together and expect them to work well. Some players will fit into many different systems and most players won't.