The Australian Discussion Thread featuring 7 years

[OneMoSalah 8,615]

@,

Irn-Bru is a Class A drug manufactured and sold in Scotland. In consists primarily of sugar, artificial flavouring, sugar, more artificial flavouring, sugar, a pinch of artificial flavouring, and sugar. It was designed by health experts in 1901 to get Scotsmen off their arses to do anything except drink.

A study released by John Perkins in 1992 determined that Irn-Bru is the leading cause of obesity in Scotland, greater even than influence from the far west or lack of physical activity. Perkins' study noted that since the introduction of Irn-Bru in 1901, obesity rates in Scotland have risen by 76 people.^[1] The Scottish Parliament refused to act on this information, since Perkins was English and therefore completely biased against them.

All young Scots suffer an indoctrination to Irn-Bru at the age of five (or thirteen for Scottish Jews). Their parents present them with a six-pack of heavy-dutyIrn-Bru and force them to drink it. This single event causes most children a life of addiction to everything pertaining to Irn-Bru.

These unfortunate people, called Bru addicts by everyone else, die young, and have a much harder time finding a girlfriend.^[2] (Experts have determined that this is the sole cause of Scotland's underpopulation problem.^[3]) They are also much more likely to develop addictions to other solely Scottish things, likebagpipes, kilts, and the water of life.

Several campaigns were launched against the production of Irn-Bru to stop the addicts from getting their daily dose, but nobody listened. On top of that, the leader of this movement, William Wallace, was revealed to have been a Bru addict himself.

Irn-Bru has been clinically proven to increase a Scotsman's likeliness to commit a number of felonies, among them thievery, murder, and rape, but usually all three. An overdose of Irn-Bru is a Scotsman's most common defense for these offences.

Due to the population's lack of desire to drink anything but Irn-Bru (non-alcoholic, anyway), all soft drink companies, including and not limited to the Coca Cola Company, have pulled out of Scotland. On the global market scale, this might not have that big of an impact... okay, so it has the economic potential of Timbuktu.

Irn Bru is not a drug! It is an awesome drink.

[Spike 12,049]

This thread is an atrocity. I want to purge it from TC.

[Spike 12,049]

This thread is an atrocity. I want to purge it from TC.

[Kezza 1,965]

Well since Cap only really kept this thread alive it might as well be gone burger

[manpe 10,855]

In the state of Queensland, Australia, it is still constitutional law that all pubs, hotels and bars must have a railing outside for patrons to tie up their horse.

is it so?

Spike, you still haven't answered me

[Spike 12,049]

Spike, you still haven't answered me

First I've heard of it. It would be one of those outdated laws the government couldn't be arsed getting rid of, it isn't enforced at all. For example in Australian it is against the law to change lightbulbs unless you are a certified electrician, but that law is not enforced at all.