Liquidator

Getting mugged off by the French, dear God...

I know I'm being a pessimistic little shit but that team that beat Napoli had Drogba, Cole etc. but although Hazard, Oscar etc can produce individual moments of brilliance I just don't think they have the experience nor the gritty, fighting spirit we showed in 2012. Prove me wrong Chelsea.

Can't see us coming back from this I'm afraid. Psg are far better defensively than Napoli and we had a striker when we played them In other news, has anyone got Courtois' number?

I have a horrible, horrible feeling that Liverpool might end up winning the league this year

Oh come on, I'm not gay but I'd happily do Jamie Redknapp- that face is crafted by God!

When asked what Chelsea were lacking today Mourinho allegedly simply wrote on a piece of paper 'balls'

Think we just need to accept we won't win the league and put operation 'Stop the mongy scousers and their smarmy shitstain of a manager winning the league' into action. That means winning at Anfield.

Hilario on the bench? We taking the piss or something?

I'll give him a lift to the airport, no petrol money required

Nathan Ake

Haven't beaten them at home since 2011. Would be absolute scenes if Willian scores

From 30 different mothers

Looking at Spurs fans on Twitter you'd have thought they'd overcome a 3-1 first leg deficit against a team with Cavani, Lavezzi and Hamsik. In reality they've overcome a bunch of Ukranian plumbers. Well done Spurs. In other news, Rafael Benitez the 'master tactician' just managed to squeeze his multi-million pound Napoli side past someone who has managed less than 10 professional games

The away end is more or less some seats on a load of metal scaffolding, their fans are as intimidating as a cute, fluffy Easter bunny and it's generally just a bit shit

Made sure I gave the Galatasaray fan in the school football team a good kicking at training today.

We get some proper, proper idiots on here when we don't win a game

Can't wait for Azpilicueta to give Felipe Melo an absolute cruncher in the second leg

Yilmaz is a wanker

I found our trip to Brentford last season more hostile than this

Shitting a brick right here with a girl in various Gala shirts singing along to Ellie Goulding songs. Welcome to Hell indeed

Remember that time Galatasaray won a trophy that someone actually cares about? No, me neither

I'd rather shit in my hand and clap

Why are normal, nice Gala fans in the minority

Remind me of a last time a Turkish team won big ears...