Madmax

:goodpost:

Optimistic man.

Welcome. Do justice to your wages now, please. We need some of that.

Not liking it so far. Started off well in typical Connelly fashion, seemed a great plot (still is, around the halfway stage now), just getting a tad drawn out though. Not great for a thriller. King wrote a raving endorsement of sorts at the beginning of the book, certainly doesn't live up to the lofty praise he's given it.

Last time I checked the table, he was already beating Barca.

Best I ever saw was Robben.

There's absolutely no way you can judge him on this one way or another until he's been here 15-18 months minimum.

I'd rather play Chalobah than bow down to an average, soon-to-be Bosman player's exorbitant wage demands. I hope the club continue playing hard ball, there's no way we should let the likes of Cahill dictate terms to us.

Us keeping him would have been useless, it's not like we were ever going to give him chances anyway.

The Poet - Michael Connelly.

Meh he can fuck off. Don't like him already :\

Painful death. R.I.P.

The year is 2020. Professional human being Mario Balotelli celebrates the 30th anniversary of his re-spawn into current shape and form. Here’s a look back at the 9 years since his 21st birthday: 2011– Studying footage of the Manchester riots, Greater Manchester Police are bemused and baffled to see footage of a balaclava-clad Balotelli entering a recently-looted shop and re-stocking its shelves with TVs, Blu-Ray DVD players and over-sized headphones. Previous footage had shown Mario taking 15 minutes to put on the balaclava. A friendly passer-by overcame hysterical laughter to put it on for him. In football, he improves his game by shadowing Micah Richards in training and re-brands himself as a no-nonsense right-back. Wins Northern Reserve Premier League with Manchester City Reserves. Birthday Present – Balotelli’s mother bought him Joey Barton to be his spiritual and philosophical guidance minister. New Allergy – Socks 2012 – Balotelli jailed for 6 months for water-boarding a school bully. With his Manchester City contract cancelled, Mario becomes the Prison Chaplain. Spends second-half of the year playing keepy-uppies using just the back of his heel. Birthday present – Necklace created from an old Ferrari tyre New Allergy – Skin 2013 – Balotelli given sensational return to football with FC United of Manchester after being kicked out of the Church of England for denouncing God’s dress-sense. Releases soul album entitled Balotelling It How It Is. Scores 14 goals and picks up 7 red cards (from right-back) in FCUM’s promotion season. Birthday Present – The invention of a new colour for his hair. New Allergy – Chewits 2014 – Successive promotions with FC United of Manchester see Balotelli appointed Mayor of Manchester on a 5 year deal. Disbands Manchester City FC and moves every tramp in Manchester to new, plush, free accommodation at the newly renovated Eastlands Hotel. Teaches them individually how to read and write Italian and English. Sacked after executing the city’s parking attendants. Birthday Present – A towel (recession) New Allergy – Darts 2015 – Balotelli decides to revert to playing as a striker but, after a 19 hour goal drought and one substitution too many, he cancels his contract at FC United of Manchester and flees back to Milan. Appointed as Marco Matterazzi’s assistant manager at struggling Inter, the pair tattoo each other’s faces on their foreheads as a sign as solidarity and team spirit. Inter win the Scudetto. Birthday present – Matterazzi’s self-severed ear on a plinth New Allergy – Ink 2016 – The night befre Inter Milan’s Champions League Final against Malaga, Balotelli abducts both star striker Carlton Cole and manager Marco Matterazzi, announcing himself player/manager and saying he will start the Final up front for Inter. Wearing a skirt and a leather jacket, Balotelli back-heels the winner past Malaga goal-keeper Edwin van der Sar and celebrates by urinating into his own mouth. Birthday present – Mouthwash New Allergy – Nostril Hair 2017 – Now a Champions League Winner and serial bigamist, Balotelli takes the year off to visit space in Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic Shuttle. Underwhelmed by The Moon and ambivalent towards Mars, Balotelli asks to be dropped off at Jupiter, claiming he will find his own way home. Despite the crew’s best efforts to talk him round, he escapes and leaps towards Jupiter. Birthday Present – Sir Richard Branson’s Wig New Allergy – Hydrogen (Science Joke) 2018 – Mario is missing, presumed dead. The Pope presides over his funeral. Joey Barton reads the eulogy. A former Manchester City youth-teamer weeps out of his one remaining eye. The bullied child that Balotelli helped back in 2011, is now The Pope. In July, Ghana win the 2018 World Cup in the Qatar, who purchased the tournament off Russia in order to practice for the 2022 World Cup. As they lift the trophy, the manager Marco Matterazzi peels off his skin to reveal Mario Barwuah Balotelli underneath. He smiles and winks at the camera. Then all the lights in the stadium go out. When they are turned back on, he is nowhere to be seen, and Matterazzi’s skin lies bereft on the artificial pitch. Birthday Present – A complete system reboot, reverting him to factory settings New Allergy – Grass (again) 2019 – Balotelli becomes a homosexual for Lent. The News of the Sun newspaper runs an exclusive on Easter Day, listing his Lent sexual conquests. Joey Barton, Ousmane Dabo, Sir Richard Branson, Caster Semenya and Aston from JLS all tell how Mario promised them the world, and a Ferrari for their birthday, before smiling, winking, extinguishing all light, and vanishing. Birthday Present – Tickets to Billy Elliot New Allergy – Wood 2020 – Balotelli turns 30 and, realising he still hasn’t won the Premier League, bizarrely cobbles together a team consisting of players whose names rhyme with ‘ALA’ or ‘AMBA’, to be managed by himself. Mario changes his name by deed poll to ‘Balatelli’ in order to gain respect from his players. The starting XI: Ma Kalambay, Bambara, Samba, Bamba, Alaba, Shikabala, Muamba, Tshabalala, Tshibamba, Kitambala, Ba Docked 5 points for the ineligibility of Demba Ba (his name neither contains nor rhymes with ‘ALA’ or ‘AMBA’), Balotelli drafts in CM 01/02 prodigy Cherno Samba. On the last day of the season Balatelli’s side play Marco Matterazzi’s FC United of Manchester in a game that they must win in order to seize the title. Golden Boot winner Cherno Samba is played in by Tshabalala and, inexplicably, attempts a sort of turkey-twizzle back-heel shot, which dribbles tamely wide. Mario Balatelli turns and smiles, winks at the camera, and…………… ..................................................................................................................................................................................................... http://themakelelerole.wordpress.com/ Hilarious

^Essien stopped being a midfield maestro when he took two arrows to the knees.

Messi's on another planet ... not the one Zashko's from either.

Bollocks to the loan business. Ship Malouda out and play Kevin, he can't do much worse and our loans don't work out anyway.

Ssssssnake.

I was referring to him moaning in the media.

Love this dude. Getting better and better, growing as a player and making himself undroppable in a new manager's plans whose playing ideas don't make use of his best personal attributes. Head down, get on with the job and make sure you're bloody good at it. Watch and learn, Frank.

I don't get the ''revenge'' talk tbh. For most of us QPR are a shit little team with shit fans who somehow got the ref to hand them a win in a league game. Just another opponent who we won't bother losing sleep over once the game's done. On the other hand, for them we're their biggest rivals and the games against us will end up being on their end of year highlight reels and compilation videos. To talk of the game as a revenge mission would amount to flattering QPR.

Torres as AM, Luiz as DM, Terry as GK, Ramires as Striker. Problem solved, we the best :dude:

Kiss Utd's feet? More like the little pecker.

Quality draws all around. Gotta love the FA Cup.

I don't know how he played (obviously). For all we know he had a stormer and was unlucky not to score, or did nothing apart from two passes that led to goals. Either way, he's made a telling contribution, so let's be happy with that for the moment. Disagree about the movement part, he's much improved in that regard this season whenever he's had a consistent run of games. It's the composure and confidence in front of goal that's lacking sorely.

Both Ramires goals were Torres assists.