jonaaibosk

Do we have one of these?
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Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'
'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.


Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'


Bob's funeral will be on Friday!

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says, 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession: Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.'
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says, 'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years! I cannot hold your past against you, maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?'
She said, 'I don't think you understand darling, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales ......'

Do we have one of these?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'
'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.


Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'


Bob's funeral will be on Friday!

Did fuck all against Stoke. We beat Stoke with 10 men.

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says, 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession: Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.'
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says, 'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years! I cannot hold your past against you, maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?'
She said, 'I don't think you understand darling, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales ......'

Do we have one of these?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'
'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.


Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'


Bob's funeral will be on Friday!

The Italian Lover

The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied. "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. The sex finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered in his ear....."No, I Norwegian."


- - - Updated - - -


Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter's Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, SLIM TALL 38D Boobs 24"WAIST and 36"HIPS. When she walks into a room, people say, "Jesus Christ !".

Do we have one of these?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'
'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.


Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'


Bob's funeral will be on Friday!

I'm assuming that Ibra and your good self are unaware that Ferrari are 90% owned by Fiat.Good to see that Mata has solved all of Man Utd's problems though

I'm assuming that Ibra and your good self are unaware that Ferrari are 90% owned by Fiat.Good to see that Mata has solved all of Man Utd's problems though

No I've not just discovered it. I've read rumours before now.
Good job on being a condescending prick though

No I've not just discovered it. I've read rumours before now.
Good job on being a condescending prick though

No I've not just discovered it. I've read rumours before now.
Good job on being a condescending prick though

Juan Mata has just phoned Jose Mourinho and asked if his place on the bench is still available

Juan Mata has just phoned Jose Mourinho and asked if his place on the bench is still available

Juan Mata has just phoned Jose Mourinho and asked if his place on the bench is still available

Juan Mata has just phoned Jose Mourinho and asked if his place on the bench is still available

Yes and this season he is not and look how we have done.
We was a one man team, when Mata was not in the team we failed. We literally could not play without him. Mourinho has changed that, as blind as it is to everyone else, we are better without him. Cashing in on him now is the logical thing to do. Yes I understand the upset at selling to a rival, but if they are they only ones willing to meet our valuations and he wants to leave then it makes sense to sell him.

It's not ideal, but £37 million for a player who isn't featuring much is not to be sniffed at. This is a transitional period for us right now and getting this money in and a player off the wage bill who isn't playing (no matter how good he is or how much he is loved) will help us in the rebuilding process.
I'd like to add that I'm not thrilled that we're losing Mata, not am I excited at the prospect of seeing him as a Man Utd player, I can I can accept it

Do we have one of these?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'
'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.


Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it .

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says,
'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'


Bob's funeral will be on Friday!

When you have to put an explanation at the end of your joke it's really just an admission that it's not really that funny

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says, 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession: Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.'
The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says, 'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years! I cannot hold your past against you, maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?'
She said, 'I don't think you understand darling, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales ......'

Ok this is a bit of sick joke so I'll put it in a spoiler for those easily offended dont read it.