BlueLion.

I DON'T CARE, I'M A SENTIMENTAL SORT OF GUY. THIS IS AS BAD AS WHEN THAT BLUELION PRICK CHANGED HIS NAME OR WHEN THAT BLUESMASTER CUNT DID THE SAME KevinAshburner I need your guidance.

Was it after he'd scored or something? In that case probably not. I was Colombian during the WC and would have been celebrating.

Reminds me of:

Miranda is a better centre back than Cahill and Ivanovic, quite comfortably so, but he's 29 and let's be fair, with Zouma here as well, that's the last position we should be addressing right now. Maybe in 18-24 months.

Why the fuck has HAMEZ got a fucking cricket on his shoulder in the topic picture?

Thanks for that.

José said our market is done, and I believe him. We'll probably announce Tiago next month to satisfy the FM and FIFA players who demand a new transfer every other day.

After we sold Ba we need a Plan B. Costa will be great for us - the issue is Lukaku is ineffective at times (he's still very raw) and Torres is as useful as a split condom. We need someone to pump balls up to, and Didi can still do a job. After losing Ash and Frank we need more "generals" in this team. Okay, we're getting Costa who is a ratty little shit and will really wind up the opposition, and Cesc is ridiculously experienced at every possible level, but we need real leaders and with Cech also likely on his way out, it's going to leave us with just JT and Ivanovic as the generals in that team.

Willian - 8 Salah - 22 Drogba - 15 Everyone's happy. I'm just waiting for Marin to demand the 21 back from Matic.

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

Educational and informative, eh FB? That's why I'm (soon to be) a teacher.

I am the charmouta of match reporters.

I want John Terry to give me away at my wedding. Even though it's usually the bride that happens to, I feel as if JT owns part of my soul. Yes I've been drinking.

John Terry scored twice in a fine second-half comeback as Chelsea overcame AFC Wimbledon at Kingsmeadow. In an exhilarating game full of goalscoring chances at both ends of the pitch, Chelsea found themselves a goal down inside 38 seconds as Wimbledon's Alan Bennett supplied the hosts with the perfect start when he out-jumped the Blues defence to head home. And they found themselves in even deeper water when Kurt Zouma's overzealousness in trying to win the ball resulted in a spot-kick, both won and converted by Matt Tubbs - despite the best efforts of captain Mark Schwarzer. Chelsea's best opportunity of the first half came when Nathan Ake was found in space thanks to the vision of Nemanja Matic, but the Dutch defender blazed wide to complete a frustrating opening 45 minutes for the Blues. The West London outfit regrouped at half-time, and a number of changes - as well as a change in formation - certainly helped inspire what was looking like an unlikely turn-around. José Mourinho's side were, prior to the interval, struggling to break down the home side's compact backline, but the added invention of Lewis Baker in midfield and the steel of Terry and Branislav Ivanovic seemed to calm Chelsea's youthful-looking side. Baker was straight into the action as his looping header was well-fielded by the goalkeeper, before Izzy Brown - twice a goalscorer in Wednesday's mauling of Wycombe - was unfortunate to head over from Mohamed Salah's right wing cross. Salah, who is currently fasting for Ramadan, and embroiled in rumours suggesting the Egyptian may well be called up for compulsory military service, was struggling to keep up with the blood-and-thunder pace of the game which belied its pre-season friendly status - though he did endeavour to play for the full 90 minutes. Typically, it was Terry who handed Chelsea half a chance as he prodded in from close range from Baker's corner, but despite that lifeline the Blues were still labouring somewhat in the final third. Their combination play finally seemed to come together with just eight minutes remaining, however, as Baker's majestic raking through-ball was eventually converted by the visibly jaded Salah. And with 89 minutes on the clock, Terry rose the highest to convert another Baker corner to complete a terrific turn-around to earn successive pre-season wins for the Blues. Results, of course, are of little concern to Mourinho at this stage, but the visible improvement of his side after the half-time break will be hugely satisfying for the Chelsea manager, who, on this evidence, is attempting to add a layer of swagger to his side's offensive displays. Though this was mainly a youthful Blues squad, the likes of Baker and Brown will have caught the eye of Chelsea, and may well have catapulted themselves into the boss' plans for the season. Click here to view the article

CLL.

Salah telling his haters to suck his sweaty balls.

Can't stand the bloke, both him and Tommy Langley talk a surprisingly repetitive amount of shit.

Don't be too harsh on Salah, remember he is fasting until the 28th.

The amount of bile on here and/or Twitter because what is effectively our U21s plus Matic and Schwarzer losing a friendly game is laughable. JOSE OUT.

GK - Cech, Schwarzer, Courtois, Blackman RB - Ivanovic, Azpilicueta (Kane?) CB - Terry, Cahill, Zouma, Ivanovic (Ake, Chalobah?) LB - Luis, Azpilicueta, Bertrand (Ake?) CDM - Mikel, Matic, Ramires, van Ginkel, Romeu,(Ake, McEachran, Chalobah?) CM - Fabregas, Ramires, Oscar AM/LM/RM - Schurrle, Hazard, Willian, Moses, Marin, Salah CF - Torres, Costa, Lukaku, Schurrle I think we're doing alright - and knowing me I've probably forgot one or two.

Filipe Luis has this evening completed his move to Chelsea from Atletico Madrid. The Brazilian full-back, who played an integral part in Atletico's title-winning team last term, arrives on a three-year deal and will wear the number 5 shirt vacated by Michael Essien's January departure. An official club statement said this: Meanwhile, fellow arrival Diego Costa has been given the number 19 shirt. Click here to view the article

Pfft, those stats are nothing with Fake Madrid on there. The most iconic team ever.

Chelsea began their pre-season preparations in style with a 5-0 hammering of Wycombe Wanderers. In front of a capacity crowd at Adams Park, a youthful Chelsea side - featuring one or two first-team stalwarts - proved too much for the League Two outfit, as the hosts were undone by a sparkling offensive performance. Patrick Bamford opened the scoring with a cultured side-foot volley from Nathan Aké's left-wing cross, before moments after the half-time interval, 16 year-old Izzy Brown beat goalkeeper Matt Ingram with a thundering finish. Chelsea captain John Terry then added a third when he swept home a set-piece delivery, before Branislav Ivanovic headed home a fourth from a well-worked Jeremie Boga free-kick. Brown then supplied the goal of the game with two minutes remaining as he sumptuously lofted the ball home into the top corner from fully 20 yards. As ever in pre-season games, the result is elementary, but for José Mourinho this will have been an impressive performance by what was, essentially, a Chelsea youth eleven. Though the experience of Mark Schwarzer, John Terry, Branislav Ivanovic, Nemanja Matic and Mohamed Salah will have had some impact on the game - particularly with the defensive duo both netting - this was the perfect opportunity for a number of the Blues' academy prospects to impose themselves further upon the plans of the Chelsea boss. Particularly impressive were the aforementioned Brown and Boga, whilst Kurt Zouma, a January acquisition from St Etienne, looked equally as composed playing at both right-back and centre-half. Chelsea now turn their attention towards a fixture away at AFC Wimbledon on Saturday afternoon, but what will most likely again be a youth-dominated Blues squad will head to Kingsmeadow in good heart after this impressive performance. Wycombe rarely threatened, though the hosts did almost capitalise on a piece of hesitant goalkeeping by Schwarzer towards the end of the first half - thankfully, from a Chelsea perspective, goalscorer Bamford was in the right place to hack clear off the line. Bamford cut a lone figure for much of the opening exchanges, but the England youth international - who spent the back end of last season on loan at Championship side Derby - looked to be his clinical usual self as he volleyed home, after Aké did superbly to hook Oriol Romeu's clipped ball into the penalty area. That early strike seemed to give Chelsea the impetus, and though it was the hosts who fashioned the next-best opportunity of the half, the Blues were able to retain that momentum early in the second half as goals from Brown and Terry gave them something of a buffer between them and their dumbstruck hosts. First Brown finished with aplomb from Boga's cut-back, finishing high into the roof of the net, whilst Terry showed the composure of a veteran striker when he side-footed home a well-worked corner routine past Ingram at his near post. There was little longer to wait as Ivanovic atoned for an earlier miss when he glanced a header over the exposed goalkeeper, and but for a couple of contentious offside decisions, young Dom Solanke may well have joined the Serbian on the scoresheet. Instead, after Boga had seen an effort well stopped by the young Wycombe goalkeeper, it was up to Brown to have the final say, as he gloriously curled the ball well beyond Ingram's reach from the edge of the area to cap off an excellent team performance. At this very early stage of pre-season, a predominantly youth-orientated Chelsea squad will be playing to catch the eye of Mourinho, and one or two will surely have seen their stock soar after promising displays. For the old guard, it was a case of a job well done as the Stamford Bridge outfit came through without any major injury concerns (though Todd Kane was replaced with a slight groin niggle), and further buoyed by the recent arrivals of Diego Costa and Filipe Luis to bolster their assault on silverware this coming season.

It was indeed that season - but that was MUFC's second game.

I'll follow him then. The only non-Chelsea footballer I follow is Bale, but that's because we're secretly married.