Liquidator

love pissing UCAS about changing my uni choices

40,000 spares for Bradford

He is right though. Dowd is the sort of fat prick who goes up for fourth and fifth servings at a wedding buffet while everyone else is on their seconds. He'd also be the one who is solely responsible for having more than half of the pigs in blankets. Fat prick.

Agent Henrique is always spot on though. Especially about our new kits. He's in a position to laugh isn't he? ''I will laugh at you. Because the new kit will be that one.'' Henrique, some time in April 2013

Was in his car on Kings Road after the game and was approached by a few Chelsea fans shouting Diego Diego at him. He proceeded to wind down his window and join in like an absolute nut case while cars behind him were beeping him to carry on driving. Proper chap.

wouldn't surprise me if they completely close off the Shed lower like West Ham did for them a few years back

@TimesSport "Bartomeu would be willing to sell Messi to Chelsea for £145m instead of the £500m originally quoted if it means Mohamed Salah going the other way."

RIP

How are Aston Villa still a Premier League team? They're awful and have been for years

Looks like we've given Bradford or Millwall the whole of the Shed End (6000). That wasn't such a clever idea.

Back at the top of the league. Henrique must be starting his second period of hibernation.

"See the beauty of the cup is it's a lucky dip, a chance to meet one of the old rivals like Cardiff or West Ham, or if you're really lucky Millwall."

Fuck that. I know what I'd rather do. Tottenham away!

Think David Silva's ability. Then multiply by 5.

And instead, nobody will know who our highest goalscorer in the club's history is. Everyone will remember Ki Sung Yeung though.

Taxi for Alex...

I love you

''What can I say? I've made you look like a right bunch of pillocks!''

B&Q, has to be B&Q not a doubt in my mind

Assuming he's staying now Balague has come out with that. Guillem did once tell me on Twitter that I would be a very good manager for rcd espanyol

signed him on FM 2011 and won back to back titles and a Champions League (although the 2013 5-3 loss to Arsenal in the final at San Siro still leaves me waking up in a panic at 3AM to this day) and he wasn't too bad. Neither was Jesus Navas just ahead of him. I'm basically Pellegrini but 450 years younger

I'm struggling to see how this is related to Lionel Messi in any way?

Iniesta has unfollowed Messi on Instagram hahaha

Set me up with one! I'll even get them a visa if they want to live here

We just need that greasy mincer Guillem Balague to say it 100% won't happen and then it is pretty much a done deal