babu

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NSFW


Says the woman: 'Mark, Do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behavior?

Look, seeing that no one is looking, I'll expose one of my breasts 2 it & see how horny it gets just as men do.'

Mary then exposes one of her breasts, and, sure enough the gorilla gets excited and grabs the bars of the enclosure as if it wanted to break free.

'See,' says the woman, 'Now, I know why you react the way you do; men can't control their animal instincts just like gorillas can't.'

Says Mark: 'Now expose both breasts and let us see what happens.'

The woman exposes both breasts to the gorilla and it gets very excited and is now desperately trying to escape from the enclosure.

Says Mark: 'This is incredible, now, pull your skirt up, turn around and expose your bum and let us see what happens!'

The woman pulls her skirt up, turns around with her bum to the gorilla, which by now ,was extremely aroused, breaks free from the enclosure, grabs the woman and starts yanking the clothes off her.

The woman yells: 'Mark , what do I do now? Please, help me!'

Mark replies: 'Now, tell him you have a headache and you're not in mood ... Let us see if Gorillas and Men are the same

Wife : "I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."

Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"

Wife : "They gave those away."

Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamed they were auctioning off vaginas. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."

Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"

Husband : "That's where they held the auction."

Falcao’s employment inquiry letter to Chelsea
http://www.dirtytackle.net/2015/06/04/falcaos-employment-inquiry-letter-to-chelsea/

A bloke dies and goes to hell and the Devil is there to meet him.'' All punishments are for a thousand years'' says the devil.

He then says '' you must pick one of these three rooms to serve your punishment''. In room one a man is getting whipped by

these little imps and there burning him with hot pokers. ''Well?'' says the devil.'' No way bollocks i'll try room two'' says the bloke.



In room two a man is clamped upside down to the wall by his dick and is getting constant electric shocks. ''Well?'' says the devil.

''No way bollocks i'll try room three'' says the bloke.



In room three there's a beautiful blond giving this man a blowjob. ''Well?'' says the devil. The bloke says yes yes yes i'll take my punishment in room three. The devil says '' Are you sure? there's no changing your mind. ''Yes yes i'm sure'' says the bloke. Very well the devil says who then walks up to the blond and says ''Ok love you can go'' points at the bloke and says ''he's taking over''

True. Just saying, you can't put Hazard in over some other players. Brahimi was much better, imo. Neymar should be on there as well, as much as I can't stand him. Vidal is a must. That's just an awful team.
One game. I think Buffon, Ter-Stegen and Subasic were better.

Fuck off then, he don't wan't you either "ginger cunt"!

Just bring him back!!!!

Come on guys, I'm probably the biggest Reus fan here, but i don't think he's better than Hazard. The gap is not as big as some make it out to be, Reus is better at some things and Hazard is better at others. They would compliment each other well imo.

LMAO XD

An unemployed mechanic decides to open a clinic to make money.
The sign outside the clinic wrote "we cure everything for 50 pounds, if not cured we return you 100 pounds".
A doctor thought it was a good chance to earn 100 pounds so he goes in.

Doctor (as patient) - "Doctor I have lost my sense of taste".
Mechanic (as doctor) - "Nurse please bring potion no 22 and give this patient a spoonful"
The doctor-patient almost vomits, spits the potion and says "that's no medicine - it's machine oil".
Mechanic-doctor - "Congratulations, your sense of taste has returned, 50 pounds please".

The doctor pays up and leaves most displeased but a few days later he decides to try again to get his money back.

Doctor-patient - "Doctor I have lost my memory, I can't remember a thing, please help me".
Mechanic-doctor - "Nurse please bring potion no 22 and give this patient a spoonful"
Doctor-patient - "Hey, potion 22 is the machine oil, it's not a medicine".
Mechanic-doctor - "Congratulations, your memory has returned, that 'll be 50 pounds".

The doctor leaves the premises again in a state of fury but in a couple of days he decides to go again and have the last word:
Doctor-patient - "Doctor my vision is impaired, I cannot see".
Mechanic-doctor - "I am very sorry sir, I 'm afraid I can't cure this, but take these 100 pounds"
Doctor-patient - "But this is a 50 pound note you are giving me".
Mechanic-doctor - "Congratulations my friend, your sight too has returned, give me 50 pounds please".

For the final test, the FBI agent took the first male applicant to a large, metal door and handed him a gun.The agent said,
We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!
The man said, You cant be serious! I could never shoot my wife!
The agent said, Then youre not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.
The second male applicant was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, I tried, but I cant kill my wife. The agent said, You dont have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.
Finally, it was the female applicants turn. She was given the same instructions- to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. This gun is loaded with blanks she said. I had to beat him to death with the chair.
____
A man was wandering through the desert, tired from his travels but kept traveling. Until suddenly he came across a lamp, taking his chances he rubbed it, to his surprise a genie appears.
"What does this mean strange creature? Do the fairytales hold true? Do I get 3 wishes?" asked the man
"Yes" replied the genie
"But I am not like other genies, my rule is that everything you get, the one you share your life with get's double"
"So my wife gets double what I wish for?"
"Yes" answered the genie
"Okay, for my first wish, I ask for a land's worth of gold" said the man
"So it is done, your wife gets twice" said the genie
"For my second wish, I want a mansion that goes on for acres"
"Agreed, and your wife gets two, what is your final wish?"
"Now this is important, I wish to be beaten half to death" asked the man
"Uhhh, okay? That means that your wife..."