The Pub - Discuss Anything

[Hutcho 8,443]

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

[BluesChick 1,260]

Ugh, I am totally wiped out today. Out late last night then woke up to the sound of my neighbor grinding down a wall at 7:30!

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Grinding down a wall? Like with an angle grinder or something?

Yep, they are redoing the apartment next to us, I sound they are removing concrete walls. It is very loud and annoying!

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[Spike 12,049]

Do you guys like Vsauce?

cuz im on it now

[DJames 729]

Yep, they are redoing the apartment next to us, I sound they are removing concrete walls. It is very loud and annoying!

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I feel your pain! I'm currently doing some Reno work at home the noise, dusk and general displacement is a pain. The crew comes at 6:30 too!! Apparently they don't know about sleep

[Melanicus 5,208]

Guys, what do you think about my Madeleine - Jacques Brel single?

Especially French and Belgian members.

http://www.mediafire.com/listen/2cr5fgixituawc8/madeline+jst.mp3

[Rmpr 8,977]

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

Awesome post, absolutely hilarious!

But those two are inverted...here is no State in Communism and a strong State transitional State in Socialism.

[Jase 43,479]

Jeff Dunham's Achmed The Dead Terrorist comedy is absolutely quality and brilliant!

Here's one..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31XTzvDjbVQ

[nachikethas 1,149]

ballack is coming to india for the ipl like football tournament which gona start next year. my home town probably will get a franchise that means i could get a chance to see him.

:dude:

[Spike 12,049]

@, Jeff Dunham is to comedy what AIDS is to Africa and by logic the rest of the world.

[Rmpr 8,977]

ballack is coming to india for the ipl like football tournament which gona start next year. my home town probably will get a franchise that means i could get a chance to see him.

:dude:

Ballack was in the same hotel as mine in Munich!

[nachikethas 1,149]

Ballack was in the same hotel as mine in Munich!

lucky bastard

[Rmpr 8,977]

lucky bastard

He was rooting for Bayern though!

[Spike 12,049]

@Rmpr, Why do Argies and Uruguayans usually have such gritty no-nonsense defenders and midfielders? When I think about these two, I don't necessarily think quality I just think 'ouch'.

[Rmpr 8,977]

@Rmpr, Why do Argies and Uruguayans usually have such gritty no-nonsense defenders and midfielders? When I think about these two, I don't necessarily think quality I just think 'ouch'.

I have no idea, but....It could be because of:

1. They have a very small population compared to Brazil (fuck, Uruguay has 4mi people).

2. They didnt have the big African influence we had. There wasnt many slaves who came to their countries like the rest of the world.

[BluesChick 1,260]

Yep, they are redoing the apartment next to us, I sound they are removing concrete walls. It is very loud and annoying!

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

I feel your pain! I'm currently doing some Reno work at home the noise, dusk and general displacement is a pain. The crew comes at 6:30 too!! Apparently they don't know about sleep

You poor thing! Reno sucks!

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[hjperdeath 2,226]

Changed my blog's layout. Opinion guys?

http://scoutaficionado.tumblr.com/

[Liquidator 5,176]

Just out of interest, can a Brazilian person understand a Portuguese person and vice-versa? I got told there are quite a lot of differences between Brazilian Portuguese and European Portuguese

[Rmpr 8,977]

Just out of interest, can a Brazilian person understand a Portuguese person and vice-versa? I got told there are quite a lot of differences between Brazilian Portuguese and European Portuguese

Yes, but the difference is a lot bigger than that from British and American English...