Drogba11CFC

Ah Mr Bellamy. Because adultery is far worse than... 1. Attacking two women in a nightclub 2. Hitting a team-mate with a golf club 3. Sending vile text messages to your captain Let's see, there's a word to describe you...let's see now, er, hippopotamus? No, er...Hypochondriac? No, that's not it either...oh yes, HYPOCRITE!

Bandwagon-jumping fuck...I hope his sheep had a headache last night.

There's also a guy who ate his winning ticket...

Priorities FAIL

Player Grades Hilario: F minus Ivanovic: D Terry: SUPER F (minus) Carvalho: C minus Malouda: D minus Mikel: F Lampard: C plus Ballack: F minus Anelka: C Drogba: D minus J. Cole: B minus Belletti: D Sturridge: F Kalou: D Referee: Z minus

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK WAS THAT! THAT WAS PERHAPS THE MOST ABYSMAL, ATROCIOUS, ABOMINABLE, PISS-POOR, HORRIBUFUCKUS SHIT STAINS ON THE Y-FRONTS OF FOOTBALL I HAVE EVER SEEN! I'D RATHER BE FORCED TO PLAY LJN GAMES, I'D RATHER HAVE TO SIT THROUGH BATMAN & ROBIN! THIS MAKES HAVING A FUCKING ANAL EVACUATION WITH A CACTUS SEEM APPEALING! In other words, it sucked ass!

Chelsea lineup (4-3-3): 40. Hilario 02. Ivanovic 06. Carvalho 26. Terry © 15. Malouda 08. Lampard 12. Mikel 13. Ballack 39. Anelka 11. Drogba 21. Kalou Prediction: Chelsea 3-1 Man City (Telegraph), Chelsea 2-0 Man City & Drogba to score 1st (Mail).

This is from a film about the Titanic...

I just want us to show them that they'll never be able to ruin football.

Off to my sitting room to watch it now. Come on you Blues!

Post what you believe to be massive failures. I'll start... FAIL EPIC FAIL

Coverage will be on ITV.

1. Buy the most important thing...a CFC season ticket 2. Put around £55M in the bank. 3. Go up to Dunstable/Cov and hit the town with Layla/Kez 4. Take Layla/Kez back down to the South and spoil them (or her, if that's more gramatically correct) completely. 5. Buy the most up to date computer money can buy. 6. Buy a penthouse. 7. Arrange the transfer of Stephen Hunt to an obscure French non-league side. 8. Give Winchester City (my local team) £2M 9. Buy a Bugatti Veyron Pegaso. 10. Enjoy being rich.

Expected Lineup (4-3-3): Cech Zhirkov Terry Carvalho Ivanovic Malouda Mikel Ballack Kalou Drogba Anelka Sportsmail prediction: Wolves 1-3 Chelsea

I hope you enjoy it Kez...and I hope you spare me a thought, standing on a freezing terrace trying to get scores via my phone.

Hopefully Stoke. Citeh are ruining football.

THAT'S WHY WE LOVE SALOMAN KALOU!

GET IN BALLACK!

Malouda only plays on the left.

FUCK OFF SHEEPSHAGGERS

GET IN DROGBA

Expected Lineup (4-3-3): 40. Hilario 19. Ferreira 33. Alex 06. Carvalho 18. Zhirkov 12. Mikel 08. Lampard 13. Ballack 10. Cole 23. Sturridge 11. Drogba Prediction: Chelsea 5-1 Cardiff

I have yet to get a girlfriend (Or "get boob" as Steve Smith so eloquently puts it.)

It's like no-one wants to win the trophy this year! Is there something they know that we don't, like the fact that it's actually made out of kryptonite? Or was it doctored by LJN over the summer?