Drogba11CFC

5 mins added time

Some Russian unpronounceable OFF Gosling ON

Gerrard DIDN'T get a last minute pen

Villa 1-1 Utd.

OH FUCKING FUCKING FUCK-FUCKING...balls.

GOALFLASH: Arsenal 1-0 Liverpool (Diaby 72)

GOALFLASH: West Ham 2-0 Birmingham (C. Cole 66)

Everton 1-1 Chelsea HT (Saha 33, Saha m/pen 40, Malouda 17)

SAHA MISSES (Saved by Cech)

RED CARD: George Boateng (Hull) for Violent Conduct.

Arsenal 0-0 Liverpool HT in one of the most horribly dull games of the season. If only a beach ball would spice things up...

GOALFLASH: West Ham 1-0 Birmingham (Diamante 45)

GOALFLASH: Aston Villa 1-0 Man Utd (Cuellar 18)

Were they going to put a horse's head-a in-a his bed-a?

Were they going to put a horse's head-a in-a his bed-a?

Expected Lineup (4-3-3): 01. Cech 02. Ivanovic 33. Alex 26. Terry 03. A Cole 13. Ballack 12. Mikel 08. Lampard 15. Malouda 11. Drogba 39. Anelka

I'm going to a football match tonight-Winchester City vs Brading Town.

Chelsea team to face Arsenal: 01. Cech 02. Ivanovic 26. Terry © 06. Carvalho 03. A Cole 12. Mikel 13. Ballack 08. Lampard 15. Malouda 39. Anelka 11. Drogba

I want to see Gallas throwing a temper tantrum.

Drogba to score first, Chelsea to win 2-0.

Expected lineup (4-2-3-1): Cech Ivanovic Carvalho Satan The antichrist Hitler Mk II JT A Cole Mikel Lampard Anelka J Cole Malouda Drogba Sportsmail prediction: Chelsea 2-0 Arsenal

And then you have Gerrard, who's the antichrist.

I'd go with Yuri The Drog and Little Joe up front.

Well, it all started in a courtroom when Steven Gerrard handed a judge ten wads of cash and ten sacks with pound signs on them.

How to draw Terry-the red top way! (And no, this is not to be taken seriously. By reading this you agree not to be offended...unless you're a red-top journalist, then I hope you are offended. And a message to red-top journalists...you're not welcome here. Fuck off back to blindly praising Gerrard, but don't blame me when he beats the shit out of you.) 1. Make sure there are devil horns on his head. 2. Add a toothbrush moustache. 3. Show lots of poor people being trampled under his feet. 4. Show his right arm giving the Nazi Salute. 5. Draw a half-eaten baby in his left hand. 6. Add a speech bubble reading "Heil Hitler". Just give me five minutes alone in a dark room with the judge who lifted the injunction...in the meantime, press the panic button! RED ALERT! RED ALERT!