BlueLion.

My Two-And-A-Half Cents is a column written by TalkChelsea administrator Alex Hinsley. A satirical look at happenings surrounding Chelsea Football Club, it must be stated that any views stated in this column are most definitely my own, and in no way reflect upon TalkChelsea.net, Chelsea FC, or any affiliates. The toils of Tancredi Palmeri and the Twitter Trolls. Professional oxygen-thief and shit-stirrer Tancredi Palmeri has once again incurred the ire of Chelsea fans around the world - this time by insisting David Luiz is interested in a move to Barcelona. Palmeri, whose daily Twitter routine consists of insisting naive Blues fans around the globe that the club have bid an extra tenner for Edinson Cavani (even though he's already fucked off to P$G), claims the Catalan club will test Chelsea's resolve with a £35 million bid. For one of the most exciting players in European football, that's an insult, right? Stick another zero on the end, include Messi in a player-plus-cash deal, and maybe we'll talk. Entering "Palmeri" into Google Translate does actually produce an interesting result - it's Italian for "twat". On the topic of Twitter trolls, some tit thought it would be hilarious to troll Blues fans by saying he'd seen Newcastle's star midfielder Yohan Cabaye at Stamford Bridge. He was even ready and waiting to take a picture when the Frenchman stepped out of the West Stand reception! What a tool. If you see him on the train or bump into him on Twitter, give him an earful! Let's face it, any Chelsea supporter who tries to deceive fellow Blues is nothing short of a cunt. Poor Wazza has hurt his shoulder... According to David Moyes, Wayne Rooney isn't attending Manchester United's trip to Sweden to face AIK as he's hurt his shoulder. At second glance, it appears the injury is actually affecting the England star's neck - his head has been turned so emphatically by Chelsea's interest that as soon as he learns enough letters, Wayne will probably pen his written transfer request - with a little help from three-year-old son Kai. It's now fashionable to like Victor Moses. As the title says, Victor Moses is now everyone's favourite player after two pre-season performances. Despite scoring ten goals and playing in a different position every game in his debut season - and doing a pretty damned decent job in doing so - Big Vic became a favourite target for the bashers over the summer. "Not Chelsea material" seemed to be a general consensus. However, starring roles against both sides of Milan means that midfield maestro Moses is sure to become one of Mourinho's main men. Somewhere in a quiet corner, the half-dozen of us who supported this clever home-grown squad signing right from the start are wearing satisfied smiles. Isn't he supposed to be shit? 'Rique "the Hitman" Hilario strikes again! In other news, coffin-dodger extraordinaire Henrique Hilario has somehow wangled an extension to his Stamford Bridge season-ticket. The former Portuguese goalkeeper - believed dead until Chelsea last week confirmed his existence - has played a starring role on the Stamford Bridge bench. The phrase "part of the furniture" does actually summarise H's usefulness. The new contract takes up a spot amongst the "foreign quota" of the Blues' Premier League and Champions League squads, should he be registered. Great decision. Reports suggest promising youth goalkeeper Jamal Blackman was seen at the Blues' 2-0 win over AC Milan last night with friends, holding the following banner: He later took his disdain to Facebook, saying "lyk dis if u cry evertim Hilaryo signs contrahct".

Great stuff, B! I've proof-read, amended, and uploaded your article

I'm taking the piss! If I was in your situation I'd be up for every competitive match, but for a friendly? Not a chance! No-one is denying anyone's commitment to the cause, and I apologise if you took it that way!

I can imagine how difficult it is. However should you come over, let me know - I can put you up for a while either at work (I work in a hotel!) or at home! Would be my genuine pleasure!

Are you coming over for any games this season you big gay bear? xxxx

I would recommend going to see your GP, you may need some cream for your butthurt.

Your choice to support a team in a different time-zone! TLDW, too busy being 2-0 up, sorry.

First world problems.

2am kick-off time? What's Spanish for "Fuck that shit, I'll be asleep, motherfucker"? EDIT: Vete a la mierda esa mierda, voy a estar dormido, hijo de puta

I've added it to the Admin Handbook in the staff room!

Yeah the minus button doesn't work as Jim has had to redesign the application as Twitter changed their own feed settings. It's on his "to-do" list! It only comes on during matches for live text commentary as not everyone can get streams up; I just think Nour forgot to turn it off as it was very late when he finished his text commentary!

Yeah, I'm not too concerned by how tired he looks right now as he is still fasting. I love it when he has the ball at his feet as he can be very direct and take a player on and shoot, much like Moses can. Speaking of Moses, he was very good as well. Although he scored a goal I thought KbD was quiet: you could tell he wasn't quite at peak capacity.

^ the twitter feed is on for 3 hours a day once a week. I'm sure you can cope, B!

So now people are realising what some of us were saying all along. There are those prepared to give the likes of Schurrle a season to bed in and settle down... but poor young Moses is shit from the word go!

I'm closing this in 24 hours!

Saving up for this: It's like Justin Bieber and Michael Ballack somehow conceived a love-child.

Of course United haven't accepted it. He "is not for sale". He won't be "for sale" until he hands in a transfer request, which United will probably not accept until they have signed Cesc, or brought in a replacement forward. This won't happen until mid-late August - ie. the 20th - at the earliest, IMO.

Last season in midfield, beyond the normal starters, we had Yossi Benayoun and Nathan Aké for cover. Now we have so many quality players, it means our bench is going to look formidable. Whether it's going to be Moses-Mata-Hazard or KdB-Oscar-Ramires behind the striker, we have the makings of a great team. It's fucking exciting, isn't it?! Last season: Goalkeepers - Cech, Turnbull, Hilario, BlackmanFull-backs - Cole, Ivanovic, Azpilicueta, Ferreira, BertrandCentre-backs - Luiz, Terry, Cahill, Ivanovic, Aké(Deep/holding) midfielders - Lampard, Romeu, Ramires, MikelAttacking midfielders - Hazard, Mata, Oscar, Marin, Benayoun, MosesForwards - Sturridge, Ba, Torres, MosesNow: Goalkeepers - Cech, Turnbull, Hilario, Blackman, SchwarzerFull-backs - Cole, Ivanovic, Azpilicueta, Ferreira, Bertrand, Kalas, EssienCentre-backs - Luiz, Terry, Cahill, Ivanovic, Aké, Kalas(Deep/holding) midfielders - Lampard, Romeu, Ramires, Mikel, Essien, van Ginkel, (Oscar)Attacking midfielders - Hazard, Mata, Oscar, Marin, Benayoun, Moses, SchurrleForwards - Sturridge, Ba, Torres, Moses, Lukaku, Schurrle, Wayne Rooney (?)As far as I'm concerned, our squad has improved - in size, in versatility, and in quality.

I don't think we'll beat Real as they are, quite frankly, an amazing team. You can go on about José knowing the players and whilst that will work in our favour, Madrid are just superb. Who can handle Ronaldo? BUT that doesn't matter - whether we win or lose, this is going to be a superb work-out for the players. We have good momentum and a good performance here will make it the best possible pre-season we could have had.

HazardLAD

Log out and then back in again. Should be fine.

Pretty incredible that we've reached 10k. But let's be fair, our best member is the guy who signed up 4th. There'd be no TC without him.

Send me a screenshot of your error, pal.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x12oi6b_1-2_sport?start=4

DROGBAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Legend.