BlueLion.

My prediction: This topic is getting locked on the 6th of August (CHECK)

And 3), I take no shit from anyone!

^ you're welcome

This. Hit the nail right on the head. Hazard can be as good as CR7, in my opinion. He's a slightly different type of player, but in terms of actual ability they are frighteningly alike. I see a young Cristiano in Eden. Bale is fantastic but can he reach that absolute next level? I don't think he will. I think he'll have a magnificent career and he is already a top, top player, but will he reach the level of Messi, Zidane, Figo, CR7? I'm not so sure he will.

FT! Strike 14-10 Hutcho! Congratulations!

I think we can do that! Best person to ask is , so let's see what he says!

Wow. I'm having no such problems. Go to the home page, hold Ctrl+F5 and then try loading the topic up again. Also will it load on another browser?

More than likely I'll run out of things to take the piss out of. This isn't going to be an everyday thing. Two a week. Should be plenty of news items to rip the piss out of!

My Two-And-A-Half Cents is a column written by TalkChelsea administrator Alex Hinsley. A satirical look at happenings surrounding Chelsea Football Club, it must be stated that any views stated in this column are most definitely my own, and in no way reflect upon TalkChelsea.net, Chelsea FC, or any affiliates. Juan's having a good one! The emphatic ability of Sky Sports News journalists to create non-stories reached new heights on Monday, when the broadcaster published an article suggesting that the Special Juan was happy to be staying put at Chelsea, despite speculation he may be used as a make-weight in the ongoing Wayne Rooney saga. Firstly, of course Juan's happy to stay. He's won three different major honours in his time here. Secondly, in regards to a player-plus-cash bid for Wazza, Chelsea officially put that crock of bullshit to rest precisely twenty days ago. I'm guessing Sky didn't get that memo? They must have been too busy brown-nosing Gareth Bale. HazardLAD - Thorgan's as much of a player as his big bro! Eden Hazard's not-so-famous-younger-brother Thorgan has been revealed to be a swinger! The horny Zulte Waregem star was outed accidentally by a sexual partner through the iPhone and Android app "Snapchat". The young Belgian did little to hide his shame at the end of Zulte's most recent game - a 1-0 win over Kortrijk - as he celebrated the hard-fought victory by snogging the fans behind one of the goals. Looks like the bloke in the chequered shirt wants a second slice of cake! The delighted Zulte fans were left smiling - in particular one very happy-looking chappy in a chequered shirt. He'll definitely be back for more. Whilst Thorgan's endeavours are no doubt extremely impressive, he needs a little advice from his brother in the kissing department. Never keep your eyes open, Thorgan. Ever. Especially with who's next in line for a smacker... Bieber impresses on USA tour duty... Yesterday I reported that Victor Moses had suddenly been installed as a fans' favourite after two very impressive performances against both sides of Milan... ...but another star of Chelsea's pre-season campaign so far is young teen pop sensation Justin Bieber. Justin signed for the club in January 2012, but has since been out on loan. The singer of the chart-topping pop hit "Baby" has made an instant impression out on tour, playing under the pseudonym of "Marco van Ginkel" to deflect any suspecting fan-girls. Manager José Mourinho went on record to express his delight at the young teen's progression. "He's doing very well. After Doncaster's big-money signing of one of the One Direction boys, it was important for Justin to make an impression". Justin, whose mother is Dutch, is hoping for a call-up to the Holland national side for next summer's World Cup. At this rate, he's a sure-fire selection. Racist bastard gets away with a clip around the ear... Elsewhere, some disappointing news has emerged - claiming that Romelu Lukaku was subjected to racist abuse during a game on loan at West Brom last season. The disgraced Sunderland fan has avoided a prison sentence, but has been banned from attending football matches for three years. The prosecution felt that a three-year-long season ticket at the Stadium of Light would be too harsh a punishment. The 22 year-old Mackem has been given an eighteen-month-long period of "conditional discharge" - meaning that should he stay away from football grounds for the prescribed three years, he'll be getting away with it scot-free. However police are currently trying to discover his whereabouts, after neighbours claimed he was dragged out of his home in the early hours of this morning by a machete-wielding thug. One elderly neighbour described the intruder as "beastly", "about 6' 1"" and "weighing 180 pounds", and went on to say that he kept chanting "if you mess with one of us, you mess with both of us". If you know of this man, and/or of his whereabouts, please contact Northumbria Police. A possible likeness of the thug was later drawn up. Click here to view the article

Screenshot please. A fair request. Do you mean for the post-match topic?

^ the club sold so many DROGBA 11 shirts after Munich! I think WAGNH posted a blog to say that he was still the third-most popular shirt at the Kingston Megastore behind Hazard 17 and Lampard 8 last season! Will try and find the source.

That's my shirt hanging up!

Bit of a shit statistic as of course the record with him playing is going to be better - he wasn't at the club for 21 of those games!

Don't knock it til you've tried it SHM might have been offended by it, but we as staff were more offended by his general cuntishness! Any member who is banned is not banned lightly. If they feel they have to physically threaten or attempt to intimidate us as staff as a matter of vengeance, then they're fucking pathetic. If anyone ever wants to meet me in real life they can do so. They can either discuss things in a civil manner or they can leave with a fat lip; their choice.

I think we can safely say Strike is the winner.... but I'll keep it open a little longer so I can rig it we get more people voting!

Absolutely. In fact I think I'll get Mutu or Bogarde on the away top.

Be honest, you sat through at least 30 spins

That quote was my favourite bit Alongside calling Tancredi Palmeri a twat and a "professional oxygen-thief and shit-stirrer"

...what happens when you're banned.... ...This does. DO NOT CLICK ON THE ABOVE LINK. BLINDNESS AND SICKNESS MAY BE CAUSED BY DOING SO! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!P.S. - don't fuck with Thor! P.P.S - in all seriousness, we have an absolute zero-tolerance attitude towards racism and generally aggressive behaviour towards other users. I have today banned the member "HNKS" permanently, and all members should think twice before posting potentially offensive material. This is a forum for people of all ages, races, religions, creeds and sexual orientations - both male and female - and I will not stand for their rights being violated by narrow-minded morons. Have a nice day, Alex.

I bottle it up and age it like a fine wine Thanks, B! Sadly, no. I've always been a sarcastic bastard, but I had never thought to try and put it into an article. One of my absolute inspirations as a writer is Charlie Brooker. You can read one of his articles here. He is a traditional British dead-pan comedic/satirical writer and reading his stuff for decades has rubbed off on me, I guess!

I don't expect to see shitty racist comments on this place. I've put in enough time and effort into this place in the six years I've been an administrator and the two years before that as a regular member to allow people to get away with crap like that! So a hasty response was necessary! But as I say, let's focus on fucking up Madrid this week

And I've reacted to it and banned the prick. Show's over. Back to the game!

Erm, what the fuck? Banned.

Cheers Jase! Me, a piss-taker? No way.

Thanks for the very kind words, all! This will become a column I will frequently write up - I'm fed up of sensible articles; I need to take the piss!