Spike

I'm sorry Ryan, I've been a terrible dad, I haven't taught you how to be a man. Now look at you...as pathetic as you are ugly. The polar opposite of your father. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A FATHER WHEN I NEVER HAD ONE MYSELF? Your sister is fit though...send her around. I can't teach you to be a man, but I'll teach her to be a woman.

Once just once I got a little carried away. I was kicking ass like never before, I got a little excited. Then I got REALLY excited. Enough blood to fill the Atlantic ocean rushed south on my body to fill my bavarian meat sausage u-boat destroyer. It was too much, every women in the world had an instant orgasm and got pregnant. And WWII started. Never again.

I walked into a comic store once. I didn't walk out because I destroyed it. It was no longer a comic book store when I walked out. The last time I was in England, I found myself in an awkward situation, I was the best looking person there, male and female. I wasn't going to sully my body with such ugly people, so I did something I had never done before. I always had a line of women lining up to do this for me so it was a new experience. After a few decades of effort Scotland was created and whatever drizzled out last became Ireland. This is my only regret.

@We Hate Scouse, Stop stealing my thunder. You fucking know I was the person who told you that Mourinho is coming back. You're a cunt.

I kick the ass of the nerdlingers at my university all the time. When I'm feeling a bit bored violent like all great men feel occasionally I go down to Gardens Point, walk into S-Block, walk up the flight of stairs to level five and I let loose. My foot because a homing rocket to the dork's arse, no one is spared; pain and destruction is felt evenly between all. They are communists and they are sharing the pain I inflict. I always leave one untouched though, so he can spread the word of my good deeds and fetch me a carton of beer and a bucket of fried chicken. When I'm done I bang their girlfriends and sisters, impregnating them all. My manliness knows no bounds, they are at my every whim. Just as god intended.

Vin Diesel is a Dungeon and Dragons playing nerd. i'll beat the fuck out of him.

The English language has been destroyed and so has my ability to continue on in life.

It's pretty boring. Even worse to play in the summer over here. Practically suicide.

And done. I've successfully proven that Indians don't know how to banter. Relax mate, it's all just been a wind up. I've never actually watched India play cricket and I have not even watched a single minute of it since I was about 8. I thought you'd catch on but you didn't so enough is enough.

No need to be aggressive about it. Australian boys get thrashed by other Australian boys all the time for nothing. Why aren't you complaining about that? Why do you only complain when it's an Indian man that's been beaten up by an Aussie? Do you even care about the reverse? What happens when a defenceless Aussie lad is beaten up by a pack of vicious bloody thirsty Indians? What you think you are better than Australia? You think you are better than me and my family and friends? You don't give us jobs, I don't see you offering your Universities to us. Maybe I want to be taxi driver studying at the Univerity of Goa or something, you don't know that, you never asked. I used to like you, you used to be cool. So shut up and be grateful Australia took pity on India and let them win a title that means so much to you.

Acceptable: Go suck a dick you cunt. Not Acceptable: Go suck a dick you *racist slur* cunt. For instance, I will say England can go suck a big donky cock and they will do it. It's the natural order of things. Mate, it's easy. All you have to do is understand that India got lucky and they won the world cup. What's so bad about that? You got lucky that Australia had a bad series and we gifted it to you. You should be thankful of our generosity. It hardly seems fair, Australia gives India taxis to work in, Universities to attend and the World Cup and you turn around and insult us by calling us bitter. Tsk, tsk, tsk, I thought you guys would be appreciative. Take a look in the mirror, you are the bitter one.

Mate, I've come to terms with it. No need to live in denial, it's healthier to accept it for what it is.

Maybe towards strangers it's an insult but I've said several similar things to my friends today. Personally I wouldn't get my knickers in a know if some dick said that to me on the cricket pitch, hell I'd probably say it to start with. Stop trying to make your victories seem greater than they are. It's not a good look.

I wouldn't say that. I'd say the ratio is about even.

Ever been to Australia?

Nah, they all have great movies individually. No need to lump them into nationalities.

Could say that about a lot of Chelsea players under Mourinho, are they wankers?

Because the overall games were awful, that's why. Hey, at least Australia had a glory period, a 20+ year period I might add. It was nice being leagues better than everyone in a time where cricket was at it's peak, so many good players across so many great nations. Now that the sport is dying India manages to snatch a little success due to every other nation being piss poor. Congratulations on being the least worse cricketing nation for a brief period.

That was a laughable world cup and you know it.

Shame you guys suck at it.

Shame you guys suck at it.

I'll cry if Carlo comes back. He is cool and suave as all hell, but he is a hopeless manager.

How the fuck is Chelsea supposed to win anything without Paulo? 11/10 Paulo takes it up a notch.

I think he is more dynamic than Makelele.

What I find hilarious is when they are speaking whatever language it is (tamil, hindi) and then all of a sudden have two or three sentences (sometimes just a couple of words) in English.