Vesper

here we go assfucking commencing

I have an ominous feeling about this

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Chelsea https://thedailybriefing.io/i/143851085/Chelsea Thiago Silva’s future has been decided - full details in Fabrizio Romano’s exclusive column. Conor Gallagher to Newcastle rumours emerge, but what’s the truth? Fabrizio Romano takes a look in his exclusive column. Cole Palmer was not in training yesterday due to illness ahead of the Arsenal vs Chelsea game, while Malo Gusto is currently undergoing medical assessment. Christopher Nkunku is still in partial team training. Mauricio Pochettino on Nicolas Jackson following the difficult game against Man City: “Jackson is doing fantastic and he will always have my support. He’s doing an amazing job for the team: running, scoring, assists. It’s not easy on the first season. Nicolas fights for the club and he will be better next season, no doubts.” Pochettino: “It’s a good challenge if Palmer is not available vs Arsenal. If I were them, I would be motivated to go there tomorrow and show that this is Chelsea Football Club, not Cole Palmer Football Club.”

Aston Villa will be keen to sign Joshua Zirkzee during the summer transfer window to play alongside Ollie Watkins instead of replacing him, according to Alan Hutton. https://www.astonvillanews.co.uk/2024/04/23/aston-villa-ollie-watkins-exit-prediction-emerges-amid-new-joshua-zirkzee-transfer-update/ The England international has been in excellent form under Unai Emery this season, scoring 19 goals and laying on 12 assists in 33 league matches but his displays won’t have gone unnoticed by teams at the top of the Premier League. Villa are expected to add to their forward line come the end of the season, with reports linking the Villans with a potential £60million move for Bologna forward Zirkzee who has scored 11 goals in 30 Serie A games this term [Il Resto del Carlino newspaper, 10 April]. While Hutton believes Watkins will be looking over his shoulder if Zirkzee makes the switch to Villa Park this summer, he doesn’t think that the 28-year-old will be under any pressure for his place if a new striker is signed. “I think if you look at how Villa play, it can be two up front,” Hutton told Villa News. “Normally it is Watkins and another. McGinn has played up there, Bailey can play in there, Diaby can play in there so it might be more of that. “It lightens the burden for Ollie Watkins but I always think as a player it’s funny, say I was at right back and the club were looking at a £25million right-back you’re thinking he’ll be playing. “Your squad always has to get stronger, you can’t stand still. Ollie Watkins, for me, is not under any pressure at all. He’s been absolutely outstanding, the go-to guy, his goals, his assists, he’s had a fantastic season. “This will be to help him out, to either play alongside him or whatever, but £60million is a lot.”

carthorse I nearly lost my shit when we bought him, so do not blame me for right footed CBs I so wanted Bremer and António Silva and Milan Skriniar and Ronald Araujo and Maquinhos and Mohamed Simakan surely we could pulled a couple of them over the past 3 years lefties the list was shorter Josko Gvardiol Alessandro Bastoni

one of the worst plays of the season

fuck

I so fucking miss Rudiger, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Thiago Silva leaving Chelsea, plus Conor Gallagher to Newcastle links https://thedailybriefing.io/i/143879071/thiago-silva-leaving-Chelsea-plus-conor-gallagher-to-newcastle-links The big news yesterday is that Thiago Silva, after crying at the end of Chelsea’s FA Cup semi-final defeat against Manchester City at Wembley, is leaving Chelsea at the end of the season. The decision has been made and will be announced by the player himself in the next days or weeks. Chelsea and Silva never really discussed a contract extension, and now the Brazilian defender will say his goodbyes. Silva has always been super professional, on and off the pitch - he already had some opportunities in January to leave Chelsea, from what I’m told, but he decided to say no because he wanted to help the club and to help the young players during this complicated season. He will do his best until the end, but soon it will be time to say goodbye. In terms of what happens next, he has several possibilities. Fluminense have wanted him for a long time, they’ve been dreaming of his return, but there are other possibilities and Silva will take his time before deciding his next move. Staying with Chelsea, we continue to see reports about Conor Gallagher’s future, with Newcastle also being linked with the midfielder now. I’m aware of Tottenham’s interest since last summer and that is still valid for Gallagher, who’s appreciated by Ange Postecoglou. Newcastle, meanwhile, have to focus on Financial Fair Play before thinking about that kind of move. Also nothing is clear for Bruno Guimaraes future yet as I’m told nothing is concrete or advanced so far for Bruno, so it’s too early to be talking about possible replacements like Gallagher or anyone else.

Chelsea were unlucky against City and remain happy with the Nicolas Jackson signing https://thedailybriefing.io/i/143800083/Chelsea-were-unlucky-against-city-and-remain-happy-with-the-nicolas-jackson-signing In the other FA Cup semi-final yesterday we saw Manchester City edge out Chelsea 1-0 with a late goal from Bernardo Silva at Wembley. Pep Guardiola’s side will play in the FA Cup final again after winning it last year, and it could even be that we’ll see a Manchester Derby in the final again as United will be favourites to get past Coventry today. I thought it was unlucky for Chelsea, but also congrats to Man City for how they reacted by winning a difficult game after the Champions League defeat against Real Madrid. Mauricio Pochettino did a good job again, they this group needs time to perform and also some more experienced player to help the youngsters. Nicolas Jackson is being made a bit of a scapegoat after missing some big chances, but it’s his first season, coming from Villarreal, and he’s still very young. We need to understand that players are not robots, it’s been a difficult season for Chelsea but Jackson scored an important number of goals and club believes he has an important potential. They will give him time for sure, they are still very happy with a signing they completed for a normal fee.

I get a bad feeling that Arse is going to tear us apart. I have lost all hope for this season.

Same old Wembley performance for Chelsea. Something needs to change – is it the manager? https://theathletic.com/5432394/2024/04/21/Chelsea-wembley-pochettino/ Like a bad movie franchise with too many sequels, Chelsea lost at Wembley by following a very familiar script. All the main plot lines were there in Chelsea’s 1-0 FA Cup semi-final defeat to Manchester City: bad finishing, poor game management at key moments, sloppy defending to concede, no luck, and at least one big decision by the match officials not going their way. It was just oh-so-predictable, right? Like you had seen this game play out before and knew the ending long before it actually came — well, the EFL Cup Final loss to Liverpool did unfold in a similar fashion just two months before. Unlike their last visit to the national stadium in February, there was no coming second-best to inexperienced players in extra time and accusations of being ‘bottle jobs’ afterwards. However there was a similarity in how things were stacked in their favour and they failed to make the most of it. In this case, Chelsea faced a Manchester City side that were shattered, both physically and mentally, following their Champions League exit to Real Madrid less than 72 hours before. This was another reminder that things have to change for Chelsea to become a major force again. After all, this is the first time since Roman Abramovich took control in 2003 that the club have gone successive seasons without a trophy. Here are just a few of the key factors that need to be considered over the weeks and months ahead… Does Mauricio Pochettino stay or go? Chelsea always planned to assess the season after its conclusion and one of the aspects under most scrutiny will be Pochettino’s performance. The hope was that Chelsea would qualify for the Champions League via a top-four finish in the Premier League. That has been out of the question for months and the team needs a strong end to the campaign just to book a spot in the Europa League or Conference League. Reaching the latter stages of both domestic cup competitions has provided cause for optimism, but not lifting either trophy also raises questions — not for the first time in his career — over whether Pochettino is a ‘winner’. There are mitigating circumstances for the underachievement. The injury list has been consistently large all season, robbing Pochettino of competition within the ranks and options to explore. Most of the squad were bought before the Argentine took over last July. With a number of players yet to justify their price tags, does the blame lie with the head coach or with those responsible for the recruitment? In saying that, one of the reasons Pochettino was hired was due to his record of working with, and improving, young players. Pochettino has one year left on his contract, plus the option for another 12 months. The 52-year-old is not talking like a man who expects to be going anywhere soon. There have been several references lately, including in the aftermath of Saturday’s game, to what he thinks needs to happen next season and conversations he intends to have with the hierarchy about it. There are not a vast array of top-quality coaches available for hire. Then you have to consider teams like Liverpool and Bayern Munich, who have vacancies, will be far more attractive propositions than Chelsea at the moment. Pochettino is well liked and respected within the club. There will be fans who think he should be gone regardless, but this should only be considered if there is a better option willing to take his place. Finding a successor did not tend to be a problem in the Roman Abramovich era, you cannot say the same now. Sign more experienced players Chelsea have one of the youngest squads in the Premier League and with Thiago Silva expected to leave this summer, one of the few ‘leaders’ they possess will be gone. Pochettino has consistently highlighted the immaturity of his players as a reason for their inconsistency. Ahead of the Everton game last week, he suggested that adapting the strategy (buying talent with potential under the age of 25) is a topic that will be discussed over the coming weeks. Nobody is suggesting Chelsea should suddenly change tack by acquiring lots of players in their late twenties or early thirties on high salaries. Pochettino is not saying that either, but the arrival of one or two more established names would help. Improve the use of substitutes This topic is particularly relevant if Pochettino stays. Yes, he will undoubtedly point to games where he has made changes and it has paid off. Yet more often than not, it has felt like decisions have come too late, that Pochettino is reactive rather than proactive. Saturday provided another instance. Chelsea were starting to labour in attack and yet Raheem Sterling, who scored home and away against Manchester City in the Premier League this season, did not come on until the 88th minute, four minutes after Bernardo Silva put City in front. The first two Chelsea substitutions came in the 79th minute and one of those was forced due to right-back Malo Gusto suffering an injury. Pochettino often complains about senior players being tired but is reluctant to use academy players to lighten the load. The way Cesare Casadei has barely featured since being recalled from loan at Leicester in January is a prime example. Buy a centre-forward Nicolas Jackson has shown promise but needs someone to at least share the burden of leading the line. Chelsea have not been helped by Christopher Nkunku making only 10 appearances (just two starts) since joining from RB Leipzig last summer due to injury. Finding a sure thing will not be easy. It is a competitive market and with the possibility of no European football to offer, Chelsea will be at a disadvantage. Strikers do not come cheap and their ability to adhere to profit and sustainability rules is an increasing concern. But Chelsea need to resolve this issue. Chelsea’s struggles at Wembley epitomise the problem. Their last goal there was scored by Mason Mount in the FA Cup semi-final two years ago. Chelsea have played there for 344 minutes since without finding the net. GO DEEPER What Chelsea's latest accounts tell us about their PSR prospects

How Chelsea stunned Barcelona: ‘We got the shape and execution absolutely bang on’ https://theathletic.com/5431393/2024/04/21/Chelsea-barcelona-champions-league-cuthbert/ “My dressing room believes a lot more in our ability after these two games,” said Chelsea manager Emma Hayes after her side lost 2-1 on aggregate to Barcelona in last season’s Champions League semi-final. “They believe (Barcelona) are beatable.” One year on and Chelsea have turned belief into reality. They knew they needed to take a scoreline back to Stamford Bridge that kept the tie alive. An away first leg was Hayes’ preference, but they had to make it count. And they did, recording their first win against reigning champions Barcelona, a side who have not lost at home in more than five years. Starting games off well is always a key factor for Chelsea and in the vast amphitheatre of Barcelona’s Olympic Lluis Companys Stadium, their defensive efforts were Herculean. Barcelona failed to register a single shot on target in the first half and went into half-time behind for only the second time this season. Chelsea grew into the game, too, becoming more aggressive and winning more individual duels (53.7 per cent to Barcelona’s 46.3). Hayes’ decision to play a back five with Johanna Rytting Kaneryd and Ashley Lawrence at right and left full-back allowed Chelsea to have a very effective low block out of possession and a high press. Lawrence and Kaneryd had a licence to push up on the wings but defended astutely, while player of the match Jess Carter timed her sliding challenges perfectly to nullify the usually electric Salma Paralluelo. Hayes was more animated than normal on the sideline, clapping every ball won and urging her players to keep fighting. Given how Barcelona dominate possession, the temptation is to chase the ball, but in the first half, Hayes’ side were disciplined, maintained their shape well and denied Barcelona space. It was a marked improvement from last year’s semi-final. “We were more disciplined this year,” said captain Erin Cuthbert. “We weren’t chasing spaces. As a midfielder, you can have somebody in front of you, to the side, left (or) right, but I wasn’t drawn out of position. We weren’t drawn out of areas that we didn’t want to be in because I know they want to exploit the spaces we then leave.” The Chelsea midfield trio of Cuthbert, Sjoeke Nusken and Melanie Leupolz remained compact. In Barcelona midfielder Keira Walsh’s words, they were “intense” and “made it really difficult in midfield”. Cuthbert, much admired by Barcelona head coach Jonatan Giraldez, said she felt “comfortable” playing in the 5-3-2 and being so disciplined, which is quite a statement when Barcelona’s style of play usually suffocates you. “Even if I made a mistake, I jumped out or I didn’t quite get to the ball, I knew my team-mate was behind me,” Cuthbert said. “It didn’t matter if anybody made a mistake today. We all backed each other up and were comfortable in the spaces. We got the shape and execution absolutely bang on.” For all of Chelsea’s discipline, however, they knew they had to be clinical in front of goal. “Emma wants discipline, but sometimes you just have to take a chance if you see it,” said Cuthbert. Cuthbert and Nusken combined for the only goal of the game in the 40th minute, but it started with Chelsea’s aggressive press. They penned Barcelona in, pressing them deep onto their own byline. Lawrence intercepted the ball and played it to Cuthbert, who made a first-time pass to Nusken. Last summer’s signing just managed to control the ball, spun out of trouble and squared it to Cuthbert. “I’ve made the one-two with Sjoeke, it’s kind of my signature, I like to go again after the ball,” said the Scotland international, who listened to a congratulatory voice note from national team-mate Lisa Evans before speaking to reporters. “Sjoeke picked me out really well. I was going to take it early but I think (Ingrid) Engen blocked it really well. So I took the extra touch, I just created that half-yard and I’m delighted it went in.” Barcelona’s chance came, however, in the 53rd minute when referee Stephanie Frappart pointed to the penalty spot after Kadeisha Buchanan handled the ball, but the video assistant referee (VAR) overturned the on-field decision as Paralluelo was offside in the build-up. “The penalty incident really gave us a lot of energy,” said Cuthbert. “That can go one or two ways. It can then be an onslaught, but at that moment we stepped up, we looked each other in the eye and said, ‘We can do this. This is our game for the taking’.” Chelsea disrupted Barcelona’s rhythm and used Mayra Ramirez as an outlet on the counter. Her physicality and pace rattled a Barcelona defence that does not like defending one-on-one. Having done all the hard work, muscling off Barcelona captain Patri Guijarro, Ramirez should have scored Chelsea’s second in the 75th minute but fired wide. Hayes put her head in her hands. As Chelsea drew fouls and ran down the clock, the 36,428 Barcelona fans shouted “Fora!” in Catalan, a mark of disapproval. The piercing whistles grew ever louder as Chelsea eked out the seconds of additional time. Those could have turned to cheers in the 99th minute had Alexia Putellas, who was unmarked, converted from close range, but she missed the target. Much to Barcelona’s frustration, Chelsea managed the game to a tee. “I’m not a fan of playing with these interruptions,” said Ballon d’Or winner Aitana Bonmati. “But we knew it, we talked about Chelsea playing like this, playing ugly. We have to learn to play like this, too.” All attention now turns to the second leg at Stamford Bridge next Saturday. Chelsea have gained a huge psychological boost by defeating Barcelona, but “nobody should get carried away” said Hayes, who was disappointed her side did not get a second goal. With only a 1-0 lead, it is still all for the taking. After the game, Barcelona’s vociferous fans chanted: “Si, se puede” (“Yes, we can”). “If anybody can turn it around, it is this team,” said Walsh. “It is only halfway,” said Cuthbert. “Barca are going to come for us.”

Is Cole Palmer the real deal? Experts break down his brilliance https://theathletic.com/5423338/2024/04/19/palmer-Chelsea-shearer-johnson-analysis/? Cole Palmer is putting together a historic breakthrough Premier League season, regardless of whether or not he walks away with a surprise Golden Boot. Only two players this century have started a Premier League campaign aged 22 or younger and registered 30 or more direct goal involvements (goals and assists combined): Cristiano Ronaldo, whose 31 goals and six assists in the 2007-08 season fired Manchester United to the title and helped secure a first Ballon d’Or, and Erling Haaland, whose 36 goals for dominant champions Manchester City last year set a new single-season record in the competition along with eight assists. Palmer, with 20 goals and nine assists in the 2023-24 Premier League, needs only one more goal or assist in Chelsea’s final seven matches to join that exclusive club. Then there is the star-making potential of the FA Cup, which affords Palmer another chance to make former club City regret selling him to Chelsea in Saturday’s semi-final at Wembley. He has already cost Pep Guardiola’s Premier League title-chasers two points with a nerveless 95th-minute penalty in a 4-4 draw at Stamford Bridge in November and shone again in a 1-1 draw in the return fixture at the Etihad Stadium in February. Palmer has carried himself like an emerging superstar for much of this season, as well as producing at the level of one. With the help of some expert insight, The Athletic breaks down what makes him so compelling and special. His left foot It has become one of the most thrillingly promising sights in the Premier League this season: Palmer standing still facing a frozen defender, his body slightly angled, his left foot hovering almost imperceptibly just above the floor, his eyes primed to spot the slightest movement that might signal an incoming tackle attempt. The options from there can feel almost endless. He could take the standard winger route and drop a shoulder before jinking away to his left. He could fake to his left and chop the ball to his right, as he did to flummox Manchester United’s Diogo Dalot at Stamford Bridge this month. He could drag it back and go in either direction; just ask Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg, who was turned into a human spinning top by one such move at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium in November. Or he could uncork what appears to be his favourite party piece: a devilish nutmeg, such as the one that disintegrated Jarrad Branthwaite, wowed Stamford Bridge and initiated the sequence that led to his sumptuous opening goal against Everton last weekend. “He’s almost like a matador showing his shoulder,” former Bristol City and Sunderland manager Lee Johnson tells The Athletic. “Everything about his posture says, ‘I’m going to play a quality pass now’. “Mainly it’s his technical ability and where he leaves the ball. He leaves the ball in a position where, within one touch, he can hurt you and that’s difficult for defenders.” Palmer possesses the most cultured left foot seen at Chelsea since Juan Mata and, coupled with his natural showmanship, his technical mastery lends a laser-like precision to all aspects of his attacking game. His average of 4.1 live-ball passes that result in a shot attempt per 90 minutes this season ranks fifth in the Premier League among players with at least 1,000 minutes played, demonstrating his creativity. His left foot also has broader tactical benefits for his team. “There are different angles on the pitch (available to a left footer),” Johnson adds. “More teams typically attack down the right because of the number of right footers in teams, who naturally open out and play to the right flank, so when you have a left footer centrally it gives you another dimension to find different pockets of space and angles to penetrate a back line.” GO DEEPER Why left-footers are behind record penalty conversion rate in the Premier League His calmness on the pitch Palmer’s angry shove of Nicolas Jackson during the farcical three-way tussle for the right to take a penalty in the Everton game might be the first time he has lost his cool in a Chelsea shirt. No other opponent, environment or circumstance has succeeded in flustering him in victory or defeat this season and no stage has proven too big. Vital penalties against Tottenham, Arsenal, City and Manchester United were dispatched without hesitation and he was Chelsea’s most dangerous, least afraid performer in the Carabao Cup final against Liverpool at Wembley. “You’re talking about someone who has great mental strength,” former Newcastle United and England striker Alan Shearer says of Palmer. “Everything looks calm and measured.” What is his secret? “There are some people who are great athletes and naturally high in emotional stability and low in neuroticism,” says sports psychologist Dan Abrahams. “Equally, that can be learned. In psychology, we would call it ‘a trait’ and ‘a state’. “He’s grown up in an environment at Manchester City where he would be exposed to people who would be introducing him to techniques that make him more mentally skilful, or performance philosophies that help him stay calm. He might just be a great learner of these things and subsequently, his nervous system has learned how to cope in these situations. “Something that’s becoming more common in coaching is called ‘achievement goal orientation’. You can be ego-oriented — focused on out-performing others — or task-focused. “If someone is task-focused, they’re focusing on controllable things. For an attacker, that might be looking for space, getting between and behind the defence, linking with midfield, scanning for opportunities. Those things are more controllable than ‘got to score, got to win’. “What we know from the research and the practical evidence is that task focus tends to calm players down, to lessen stress responses and anxiety.” GO DEEPER How mental performance coaching is transforming elite football Palmer’s charmingly nonchalant persona in interviews gives away little about the inner workings of his mind, but the glaring quality of his football education in City’s academy suggests that, in every aspect, the man lighting up Stamford Bridge is the product of his nature and his nurture. His shooting Palmer is not a prolific goalscorer in the traditional sense — only 11 of his 20 Premier League goals this season have come from open play — but that return constitutes a significant over-performance relative to his 7.9 non-penalty expected goals (xG), indicating that he fares much better than average with the shooting chances that come his way. As can be seen from his shot map below, a significant proportion of his 73 shot attempts in the Premier League this season have come from outside the penalty area and have yielded as many goals for Palmer (three) as the six-yard box. His average shot distance (22 yards) and xG per shot attempt (0.11, which suggests about one in 10 of his shots would be expected to go in) underline that head coach Mauricio Pochettino empowers his top scorer to let fly whenever he senses an opening. Palmer has also scored in a variety of ways from outside the box: side-footing into the far corner against Everton, whipping a shot just inside the near post against Newcastle, lobbing a stricken Jordan Pickford with his supposedly weaker right foot. “You’re picking a spot and backing yourself to find that spot, whether it’s from 15, 20 or 25 yards,” Shearer adds. “It’s one thing picking a spot and another to find it. “You’ve got a split second, maybe two, to decide how you’re going to finish, where you can finish, and then you’ve got to pull the trigger. To have that quick thinking and then the ability to pull it off is special.” Inside the box, there have been opportunistic goals, like the close-range conversion of Raheem Sterling’s low cross against Sheffield United or the rebound header against Everton. “His movement starts well before the ball came into the box,” Shearer says. “You take a gamble and sometimes it pays off. When you’re in the form he’s in, it falls to you more often than not.” He generally favours placement over power and has a clear preference for the bottom corner to the goalkeeper’s left. He almost never shoots high, but he almost never needs to. Then there was the outrageous cocktail of technique and composure to roll the ball around Luton Town goalkeeper Thomas Kaminski. “What he’s shown this season is an ability to go ‘cold’ (composed) in the box and around the box,” Johnson says. “That is really difficult to do. “You look at Frank Lampard as an example. What did he have? He had the ability to time his runs, he went cold when it mattered and he was a great professional who worked on the library of finishes. Cole Palmer has got those things as well and he’s showing them regularly.” His mental sharpness To watch Palmer is to watch a footballer who thinks at a higher speed and definition than many of his team-mates or opponents, who can use his mind to control not just the movement of his own body, but also the flow of events around him. On the ball, he never seems rushed, even when pressed. Off the ball, he is the danger, often recognising and moving into advantageous areas before defenders can react. Whether deployed as a false nine, a No 10 or on the right wing, Pochettino empowers Palmer to move into and through the right half-space to receive the ball and do his best work. “Younger players are often a bit green,” Johnson says. “They’re really honest — they run about and get on top of people and the ball. Palmer doesn’t do that. He stays away from the play and then, when people find him or the ball breaks to him, he’s in space. Not only that but he’s got the awareness and the ability to scan — to look at what’s on, where the space is. “It’s still not easy. You can rotate your head as much as you like, but it’s about taking in the pictures. That’s his football IQ, to slow down the mind’s eye and find the space.” This mental sharpness extends to whenever Chelsea are out of possession and Palmer becomes a pressing menace, combining fierce intensity with an intimate understanding of where to position himself to plant maximum doubt in the mind of a passer. Pickford is far from the first opponent to essentially give him the ball and he will not be the last. “That’s an intelligence to cut off the passing lanes and recognise the right time to go,” Johnson adds. “You’ve also got to give credit to the coaches he’s had on that front. You can see the positional coaching that he’s had from the best, from Guardiola and Pochettino. “The position he plays at the moment, as a No 10 or ‘9.5‘, has a lot of responsibility to set the press, so you need somebody with intelligence.” GO DEEPER Palmer is the versatile glue who makes Pochettino's Chelsea side work His penalty technique Penalties have helped define Palmer’s breakthrough season, punctuating his rapid rise to the top of Chelsea’s dressing room hierarchy and establishing his credentials as a man to be relied upon in the biggest, most pressurised moments. His first four Chelsea goals came from the spot, escalating in profile and importance: to take the lead against Burnley, to go 1-0 up against Arsenal, to equalise away at Tottenham, to level in stoppage time against City. All four — and the five that have followed — were converted confidently and with an endearingly traditional method. Palmer’s approach features no extended run-ups, no stutter steps or hops, and no other elaborate deceptions. He simply takes a breath to steady himself, runs up and strikes the ball exactly where he intends to put it. “My impression is he’s using the goalkeeper-independent method,” says Ben Lyttleton, penalty consultant and author of Twelve Yards: The Art and Psychology of the Perfect Penalty. “You’re picking your spot and going with that, knowing that even if the goalkeeper goes the right way, you’re striking it so well that he’s not going to save it or get there in time.” Six of Palmer’s nine penalties for Chelsea have been directed towards the bottom corner to the goalkeeper’s left, but only Tottenham’s Guglielmo Vicario (who tipped Palmer’s penalty onto the post but could not keep it out) dived the right way on those occasions. “Maybe there’s something about his body shape, his positioning, or even his eyes that we can’t quite see that suggests he’s going to go the other way,” Lyttleton adds. Perhaps it is also because he has mixed things up just enough: shooting low to the right of David Raya, high to the right of Ederson and hitting Arijanet Muric with a Panenka. “He is slightly randomising it and that’s what the best penalty takers do,” Lyttleton says. “He’s scored three in a row to his natural side, so the question now is will he keep on going or is it time to change?” Shearer details a similar approach. “I always knew where I was going, who I was playing against, if I’d taken a penalty against him before, where I put it, where I put my last penalty… then it comes down to mind games. When you’re as calm and look as calm as Palmer does, that also has a detrimental effect on the goalkeeper.” Palmer offered a more straightforward explanation of his method after scoring two penalties against United: “I want to keep my focus and strike the ball clean.” Lyttleton is optimistic about his chances of maintaining his streak. “They’re decisive and the goalkeepers are often going the wrong way,” he says. “If there are tells in his technique, goalkeepers are not wise to them yet.” His celebration One final feature contributing to the sense of Palmer striding fully formed into Premier League superstardom this season is how he already has a signature goal celebration: arms crossed with hands rubbing his shivering shoulders in a mock attempt to warm himself up. Like most things, it is not an original invention, as Palmer explained shortly after doing it for the first time in Chelsea’s 3-2 win over Luton in December. “My boy Morgs did one for Middlesbrough, so I told him I’d do it too if I scored,” he said, referring to former Manchester City academy team-mate Morgan Rogers, now of Aston Villa, who had marked a winning goal against West Bromwich Albion in similar fashion a week earlier. But that hardly matters — Palmer owns the celebration in the public imagination, not least because of its easy connotation with his ‘Cold Palmer’ nickname. If his upward trajectory continues, it is easy to imagine it becoming every bit as recognisable as Ronaldo’s “Siuuu” leap or Kylian Mbappe’s folded arm pose. That carries real brand value, taken to another level by Gareth Bale in 2013 when he successfully trademarked his signature heart celebration with his shirt number under the name ‘Eleven of Hearts’. For reasons of practicality as well as personality, it is difficult to envision Palmer taking a similar path. “Several players have their own celebrations but in most cases, their celebrations are not original,” says Jose Maria Mendez, head of EMEA intellectual property and technology practice at Baker McKenzie. “So it cannot be considered, technically speaking, a choreography. If at any time one of these celebrations could be considered a choreography and, therefore, original enough, it might be registered as a copyright, but it would be very challenging. You have to personalise it.” Not that there is any real need to go that far. Kids could be emulating the ‘Cold Palmer’ celebration in greater numbers before the end of the year if it is included in EA Sports FC 25, the video game, and Palmer’s authentically funny public persona will enhance his popularity as long as his performances on the pitch merit weekly adulation. GO DEEPER Cole Palmer has thrived, but how does his record compare against modern Chelsea history?

they will find a way to give it to Pessi

just got back in town insane games FA Cup (so disappointed Coventry did not knock thsoe cunts off after a nil 3 comeback and then that winner ruled offside) Real/Barca el Classico, Bellingham wins it late again, he is just incredible Leverkusen keeping their unbeaten record alive with another 90+ minute goal at Dortmund (they can break Benfica's post WWII record of 48 in 1963-65 if they win or draw the next 4), and if they finish undefeated (53 straight then) they need to win or draw 10 more starting next season to break the all-time European record from 107 years ago, 1915-17 Celtic at 62) BIG problem for them would be the UEFA Super Cup (likely Real or Bayern or PSG) plus the DFL-Supercup (likely Bayern, perhaps again for the 2nd times in weeks) and then if they face any of the good teams in the first 8 league games (maybe Bayern for a third time in a short period.

worst post of the year we are SHIT at CB, LB, so need a DMF yes a RWer for sure and of course a CF but Poch is fucking clueless

what a JOKE De Bruyne MOTM LUDICROUS

Broja is dog shit post injury (and maybe before) we had SO many options to buy a decent CF the last 2 or 3 seasons and we deffo had the cash look at the £222m we dropped on Caicedo and Enzo all of these could have been had for the right price (as some of the clubs had huge financial issues or would have sould if we dumped huge money) Lautaro Martínez Victor Osimhen Alexander Isak Dušan Vlahović Ollie Watkins Jonathan David Ivan Toney

smdh

I cannot take another year of this SHIT we need to sort a LOT this summer

absolutely should have won this 1 4 the 2 Jackson horrid misses (there were 3, but 2 came in same sequence, so would have only yielded 2 goals) the pen not called (GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR) and Chilwell (who must be blind) missing a wide open Sterling who would have had an easy shot SHAMEFUL

Citeh have never, under Pep, played such a shit game at Wembley and we blew it