Barcelona, Lionel Messi and one of football’s great fiascos
Perhaps he could add a tattoo of the club’s much-bugled credit rating. Photograph: Alejandro García/EPA
Rob Smyth
MÉS QUE UN MESS
The news that Lionel Messi is definitely, probably, we’ll-believe-it-when-we-see-him-kissing-the-Millwall-badge-with-love-in-his-eyes leaving Barcelona has sparked quite a reaction. Tears, anger, speculation, shock, not to mention literally hundreds of liveblogs: there hasn’t been such a media frenzy since Weird Uncle Fiver announced he was going on Tinder.
After scoring almost 700 goals, winning every major trophy and establishing himself as unquestionably the second-greatest player of his generation, Messi deserves so much more than this. So does football itself. A departure can tell you a lot about the culture of the times. Diego Maradona had an on-field brawl in his last game at Barcelona and left Napoli in disgrace (sic) when an excess of dust was found up his hooter. Zinedine Zidane’s last act as a professional footballer was to ram his granite noggin into Marco Materazzi’s chest. And now, through no fault of his own, and registering 0.0 on the rock’n’rollfootballometer, Messi is leaving Barcelona because they employed accountancy’s answer to O’Reilly the builder from Fawlty Towers.
Messi saga springs from Barcelona’s grotesque mismanagement | Jonathan Wilson
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The Barcelona president Joan Laporta, who inherited this shambles when he returned earlier in the year, said that keeping Messi required the kind of compromise that would have put the club at risk “for the next 50 years”. Mind you, given the success of Barcelona’s recent number-crunching, the correct figure could be anywhere between the next five hours and the next 500 millennia. It would be easy to criticise Barcelona for what is fast becoming one of football’s great fiascos, a time when Més Que un Club became Més Que un Mess. But there is plenty of blame to go round. La Liga certainly needs to take some responsibility for the callous insistence that its FFP small print applies to Barcelona and Real Madrid as well as all the other clubs. And The Fiver just hopes those salty purists who kiboshed the €uropean $uper £eague – thus denying Barça hundreds of millions of pounds as reward for their existence – are proud of themselves.
The two favourites to sign Messi are Paris Saint-Germain and Manchester City. “Right now [signing Messi] is not in our thoughts, absolutely not,” tooted Pep Guardiola earlier today, coincidentally at the precise moment The Fiver realised it hadn’t yet started thinking about how much it was going to drink tonight. Reports suggest Messi has contacted Mauricio Pochettino, the head coach of PSG, and is interested in forming another acronymous attack. In the glory years at Barcelona it was MSN; now it’s time for MNM, or Eminem if you really want to get carried away. Pochettino was handed the keys to the sweet shop when he inherited Neymar and Kylian Mbappé; signing Messi would be like finding out there’s also a miniature Disneyland behind a secret door, WITH EVEN MORE FREE SWEETS. For his Barcelona counterpart Ronald Koeman, alas, it threatens to be a gruel, gruel winter. At least he’s still got Pedri. Well, at the time of writing.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Wow! That’s made my day. That’s made my year actually” – Union Jack Grealish yelps with glee after being handed the Manchester City No 10 shirt vacated by Sergio Agüero last season. That and the reported £370,000 a week, presumably.
Big Chair, earlier. Photograph: Matt McNulty/Manchester City FC/Getty Images
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FIVER LETTERS
“I totally take your point about some current players being less stable on their feet when they get in the opposition’s penalty area than some of us on a routine Friday and Saturday night out (yesterday’s Fiver). However, I think I would be doing the legendary Francis Lee a considerable disservice if I didn’t mention his ability to hit the deck back in the 1970s, followed by his rapid recovery when comprehensively despatching the ensuing penalty” – Paul Harrop.
“I‘ve been looking into these NFTs since yesterday’s breaking news, and if Lionel Messi wants to compare football to art (yesterday’s Quote of the Day) he should take himself off to play for the one man currently coaching football in a totally non-fungible manner. This fellow countryman of his believes in his own non-fungibility to such an extent that he doesn’t bother signing a contract until the day before the season starts. He knows that, like Lionel, he is irreplaceable. Well, it’s worth a punt …the Messi to Leeds campaign starts here, even if it’s a totally fungible token effort on my part” – Justin Kavanagh.
Send your letters to
[email protected]. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Paul Harrop.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Juventus have offered a risible non-apology after a post on the official Social Media Disgrace Twitter account of their women’s team showed player Cecilia Salvai making an offensive eye gesture. “We sincerely apologise that our tweet, which was not meant to cause controversy or have any racial undertones, may have offended anyone,” they belched.
The state of this. Photograph: Twitter/JuventusFCWomen
Uefa has marched members of its IT staff through the door marked Do One following a police raid on its Swiss HQ, and considers itself an “injured party” in the matter.
Wolves manager Bruno Lage has backed Raúl Jiménez to make his first competitive appearance since suffering a skull fracture last year. “I see he is happy in training,” he said. “I feel he is ready. He is confident.”
With a threadbare squad on the eve of the season, Wayne Rooney has taken to sleeping at the office to get Derby in some kind of state. “I’m a fighter,” he roared. “I grew up on a council estate in Liverpool, I don’t walk away from challenges easily.”
Pep Guardiola wants Harry Kane like The Fiver wants that sweet, sweet first sip of Friday night Purple Tin, but he knows he can’t have him if Spurs keep him under lock and key. “Harry is exceptional and we are interested in him but if Tottenham don’t want to negotiate [there] is nothing more to say,” he blabbed.
And Canada have taken gold in the women’s football final at Big Sports Day, beating Sweden after a dramatic penalty shootout.
STILL WANT MORE?
The Premier League previews continue apace with No 9: Leeds and No 10: Leicester.
Bournemouth kick things off in the Championship later and manager Scott Parker has been getting his chat on with Ben Fisher.
Things are looking up for Ipswich Town at last. Nick Ames went along.
Back to Portman Road. Photograph: Ashley Western/PA
Ligue Urrrrrrrn also kicks off this weekend, so here’s the skinny.
Floating brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson on Jack Grealish’s record move to Manchester City … and the grotesque shambles at Barcelona.
Catch up with the latest moves in our women’s and men’s transfer interactives.
And sign up for a daily Big Sports Day email here. It’s not particularly funny but, hey, glass houses and all that.
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