Iggy Doonican

You stumped me.

Kane, Rashford and yesterday Wellbeck put anyone with pace and good movement and our defence struggles. I'm not going to go into any detail because frankly I can't be bothered but if they had taken all there chances it could have been a cricket score.

The award for understatement of the season goes to.

In recognition of Man United's treble of Charity Shield, League Cup and Europa League Mickey Mouse has started to wear a Jose Mourinho wristwatch

To call the Charity Shield a trophy is stretching credibility a bit. It's a pre season friendly nothing more nothing less. We went on a far east tour in 2003 or 4 can't remember but we won it that's on par with the Charity Shield. Hands up who remembers or for that matter cares when we lost to City at Villa Park in 2012 ?.

To be honest I'm not surprised that Chelsea have cancelled the parade they have been a bit reluctant to have them in the past. There a bit of a logistical nightmare because the route has to go through two different boroughs. I've been to everyone since 97 but there wasn't one in 98 when we won the Cup Winners Cup and neither in 2007 when we won both the league and FA cups or when we won the cup in 2009. This is from 97 when we won the cup.

Definitely the right thing to do the Met will be massively overstretched.

John Terry's wife is not happy apparently she said '' Every time we sit down to watch the telly John wants me to pull him off after 26 minutes''.

Mourinho will never be a DJ because he only has one record and he never changes it.

Don't think I've ever seen a player less suited to English football. My abiding memory of him is his audible yelp when a Stoke player clattered into him and his look of bewilderment when he didn't get a free kick. Cuadrado floats like a butterfly and stings like one.

Chelsea TV free for Sky customers this week.

There's an episode of The Simpsons where Homer collapses because he's so bored when Flanders starts talking to him. Crooks used to do after match interviews for the BBC and you could see players wilt under Crooks's long winded questioning. He really is a cock and doesn't even attempt to hide his anti Chelsea bias. Keown is a walking halloween mask and the three of them look like a shit boy band who've just reformed.

There was a story going about a few years ago about these three blokes at Heathrow airport. People were coming out going out of the bar but these three blokes stayed all of them looking anxious. After a while they started talking to each other and they found out they had one thing in common. They all had paid for the same Thai bride to fly over ha ha.

By Dunn's logic Guardiola would have been less deserving to win if he actually won something. Scousers I shit em.

Only a Scouser could come out with that F.B. Andy Dunn is a ring piece. And talking about Scousers talking bollocks here's an interview with Jimmy McGovern. This geezer takes himself so seriously it's untrue and when he talks about Scouse priests it's just ludicrous. Derek McGovern who also writes for the Mirror is his twatty brother. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-39885447

Be very careful about buying tickets from newbies lads. If they don't accept Paypal give it a swerve.

Goals so far this season. Cahill, Alonso & Azpilicueta = 13 Pogba, Martial & Mkhitaryan = 12

Cheaper on Kitbag than Amazon

Yes and I bought it a few years ago. I bought quite a few Chelsea tops between 1977 and 1982. I still have the away shirt from 1977 which I will upload soon (it's red by the way !!). My brother bought this for my 15th birthday.

This is a bit from the Guardian from the Spurs match last night. It just makes zero sense but the media have been wanking themselves blind over Tottenham especially Harry Kane who you need subtitles to understand he sounds like a drunk Jamie Oliver. Still coming second for Spurs is glory I suppose. Spurs cannot catch Chelsea but they have no intention of stopping their glory hunt.

The closest these two pricks have got to the Premier League trophy

04/05 because it was something I never thought I would see. When we won the old second division in 1984 it was the first thing I ever saw us win and Grimsby was a great day. 21 years later and we won some trophies and had many false dawns and a relegation to see Chelsea winning the league was incredible. I watched the game in a boozer by the ground (Chelsea's) and we all spilled onto the streets after in fact there was a brief glimpse of me in the BBC news report. I got so drunk I had to be carried into a black cab by my mates. Everything we have won since has been great be it FA cups or league titles but nothing will ever beat Munich.

Rumour has it she's laid on more balls then David Beckham

John Terry Captain Leader Legs Gone

His Champions League winners medal makes up for that.