Gerrard Happy with Progress

[Fulham Broadway 16,437]

GERRARD HAILS PROGRESS AS HOUSE BURNS TO GROUND

STEVEN Gerrard feels his living situation is heading in the right direction after his house finally stopped burning to the ground.

Splendid

Gerrard said: "I think I've definitely turned a corner in having my house on fire and we can move forward from here. We can win the Europa Car Hire Cup or something

"If you look at the amount flames reducing everything I own to charcoal now and compare it to this time last week, you can see the improvement.

"On top of that, it's been three months since the kitchen last sunk into a pothole and a good couple of years since the basement was haunted by the vengeful spirit of a murdered gypsy so these are all positive signs."

Gerrard was speaking after Rafa had told him about their match yesterday where they had beat Barcelona 8-0 at the Nou Camp, though it could have been some fucked up dream. If you look at this chart the gaffer drew up to explain this kind of thing. There's also a picture of a picture of a talking rocket on it for some reason with some Spanish sausage."

He feels Liverpool can still achieve Benitez's promise of a top four spot by May but admitted he was not entirely sure which 'top four' the manager was referring to at the time.

Gerrard said: "If he means the Ukranian folk album chart then yes, we must be in with a decent shout.

"But if he means the Premiership then possibly not. Have you seen Chelsea recently? Every time the ball flies off the foot of one of their players it ends up really quite near to another one of their players.

"The gaffer says they're all witches and the ball is their cat."

The blaze had been ravaging the Liverpool skipper's home for several days as he tried to remember the right number for 999. Eventually, he had to call the police and ask them for help.

[Laylabelle 9,305]

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[BlueLion. 21,491]

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[Steve 10,227]

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[terry26 6]

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