The Australian Discussion Thread featuring 7 years

[capriccioso 2,545]

This says it all really

As do these:

[capriccioso 2,545]

Cap, when are you moving?

GLENFIELD AND TOTTENHAM PLACE IT IS. FUCK MY LIFE.

Next winter.

[Spike 12,049]

It a state of mind.

It drops deep as it does in my breath

I never sleep, cause sleep is the cousin of death

Beyond the walls of intelligence, life is defined

I think of being a mad cunt when I'm in a Queensland state of mind

[capriccioso 2,545]

More Aussie memes:

Only in Australia

[We Hate Scouse 10,286]

Who the fuck is we?

YOU'RE NOT A QUEENSLANDER!

I've reported your post for blatant racism. You don't decide who is and isn't a Queenslander. Being a Queenslander isn't about where you were born or where you live it's about what you believe in. Queensland is my religion, Brisbane is my church and the Maroons are my gods!

[capriccioso 2,545]

I've reported your post for blatant racism. You don't decide who is and isn't a Queenslander. Being a Queenslander isn't about where you were born or where you live it's about what you believe in. Queensland is my religion, Brisbane is my church and the Maroons are my gods!

Whoa whoa whoa!!

Has Spike gotten that much inside your head?! Also nice 36th placed church

[KonohasOrangeFlash 2,607]

I've reported your post for blatant racism. You don't decide who is and isn't a Queenslander. Being a Queenslander isn't about where you were born or where you live it's about what you believe in. Queensland is my religion, Brisbane is my church and the Maroons are my gods!

[capriccioso 2,545]

Even Canberra's better. CANBERRA. CANBERRA.

Here is a description of our wonderful capital from someone who used to live there (not me. Liverpool born and raised... that sounds bad ):

I grew up in Canberra from the mid 70s and left to Sydney around 2004. I wished I'd moved earlier. Yes, Canberra is dull. It's got horrible weather - freezing frosty winter mornings, dry hot summers. If you like shopping malls and not much individuality, then it's the place for you. It's terrible for the arts - I was a musician there and it's got such a low standard of a music scene and practically every art form. I know a lot of music promoters who hate booking big shows for Canberra as its notorious for people buying tickets at the last minute - that's why there's not much visiting entertainment. The suburbs are still empty and dull. Public transport is appalling and you still MUST have a car in Canberra and be prepared to waste a lot of money on petrol.

The problem in Canberra is there's too many public servants, that's why it's dull - Dull people make a dull city. Any place where people say "Oh, it's a great place to bring up kids" is obviously going to be boring.

I now haven't visited Canberra for 2 years and never want to go back again. It's got no soul and it's proudest moment is Floriade - wow, a flower festival.... A country town with concrete.

[We Hate Scouse 10,286]

[Spike 12,049]

[KonohasOrangeFlash 2,607]

WHS why do you hate NSW anyway? Give a proper answer, no trolliing.

[We Hate Scouse 10,286]

WHS why do you hate NSW anyway? Give a proper answer, no trolliing.

Because I don't like Wales............................

[Spike 12,049]

The girl I will marry will talk like this:

[KonohasOrangeFlash 2,607]

Because I don't like Wales............................

.................................

[capriccioso 2,545]

Guys, this is the real Queensland:

“Daylight saving causes cancer”

~ Queenslanders on

daylight savings

“Why is Queensland's beer called XXXX?”

~ A New South Welshman on Queensland's Beer

“Because we don't know how to spell grog, right? ”

~ Responding Queenslander on Queensland's Beer

“The cows won't know when to wake up!”

~ North Queensland Bogan on daylight saving. (both

real

and heard on Mackay radio)

Queensland

, often referred to as "The Only State" by its residents, and a

laughing stock

by everyone else is a 'Strayan state known for its ridiculous heat,

cane toads

, abundance of sporting legends, and being Australia's

Texas

and being the source of 99.9 per cent of stories featured on

A Current Affair

.

Queensland was created in 1859 when God decided he’d had enough rest and really ought to create something that made all the effort worthwhile. So he created Queensland. Shortly after it was created he realised it was rubbish and donated it to Queen Victoria or in fact left it in a basket at the front door of Buckingham Palace. The Queen was off her face on lead poisoning at the time and didn't notice.

In 1860 GOD created XXXX beer, which is consumed by every Queenslander from birth.

In January 1901 Queen Victoria died and the state found itself past its "Use By Date". Could it rename itself "Kingsland"? Prince of Wales land? Dead old smelly tart land?

Queensland then became part of Australia. This gave the fledgling state some other states to compare itself with. As all Australian people of note were soon found to be either actual or closet Queenslanders, all other states gave up trying.

Unfortunately, despite being the birth of civilisation Queensland had the worst education system in the country, if not the world. To compensate for this, they have "The Smartarse State" written on their number plates, to remind themselves every morning when they wake up. Cities in some of the state don't even have Sunday trading, a day entirely devoted to the consumption of pumpkin scones.

Queensland is a "land of contrasts". Well, that’s according to all the tourist brochures which are helpfully printed in red, green and blue to illustrate the point.

The red symbolises the “outback” - a "myffic" place filled with nothing but dirt, flies, clothes-lines, trampolines and children’s swing sets. The most famous place in the “Outback” is the Ettamogah Pub where “blokes” say “strewth” a lot and drive “utes”.

The green symbolises the “Rainforest”. This is an experimental forest being developed by scientists from the Queensland University Department of Coming Up With Big Ideas on Small Budgets (QUCUWBIOSB), in conjunction with the Queensland Government Department of Spending Big Budgets on Mind Numbingly Useless Ideas (QGDOSBBOMNUI).

Finally, the blue symbolises the “Ocean”. Queensland is the proud owner of approximately 4,000,000,000,000,000,000 kilometres of prime beachfront real estate. This is a private beach, accessible only upon passing a dress code inspection carried out by officious security staff. Just off shore in the “Ocean” is the “Great Reef Barrier” which was built in the 1950s as a barrier to stop the Japanese from reefing the beach away and towing it home with them.

Queensland is known for excessive amounts of unused and uninhabited land belonging to someone named Mabo.

editLanguage

The language spoken in Queensland is distinctly different to language spoken in the other states of Australia. This language is most commonly known as "eh but". It is also noted that most Queenslanders drop the ends off words, and put odd pauses in others as well as inserting random profanity into any sentence. Queenslanders also often answer their questions with "Yeah nah".

editGods

Most of Queensland, and especially Northern Queensland, recognises Pauline Hanson (also known as the "Oxley-Moron") as Patron Saint and Divine Ruler for Eternity. Some say it was her strict anti-immigration views that gave her this status, but most Queenslanders agree that it's really that she's a Ranga, not a Foxy Lady.

"Smartarse State" Status

Queenslanders usually refer to their state as being the smartarse State, via number plates. As a consequence, an IQ test must be completed annually in order to live there. If one fails the test (and achieves an IQ of more than 30) that person is expelled from the state and is made to live in That place that could have been a state but didn't wanna, The Northern Territory (also known as "Upper Coomera").

editWomen of Queensland

There are 3 types of women in Queensland.

• mad
  
• bad
  
• dangerous to know
  

All types should be avoided. Being one presents difficulties greater than those which the Uncyclopedia can resolve.

[capriccioso 2,545]

Because I don't like Wales............................

But we're not Wales, we're New and South. Also I live in NSW

[KonohasOrangeFlash 2,607]

LOL. Australia's Texas

[capriccioso 2,545]

Irishblue casually browsing the thread

Lol.