Spike

But how do we know that Wallace is even that good? I've never seen him play and I'm not going to put faith into a player I know nothing of just because he is already at Chelsea.

Yeah I know, I said that in my OP... I'd still sign him.

The Night Mother commands me.... Sanguine is the colour of night.

If I was mad you'd know. You'd know. You'd know.

I didn't choose to be Top Gun. It's a responsibility placed upon my shoulders.

It's bolded because it was an accident. You don't agree with my reasons for Ivan when you state one that exactly like mine? I said he was getting worse and so did you... You're losing it too Cho Cho!

Awfully arrogant man, not a good look on you...

We are a sentimental bunch, no really we are. More so than other clubs, we don't know when to say goodbye to our players. I like a lot of these players but a lot just don't fit into the future's grand scheme of things. OUT! Florent Malouda Wel this is a no brainer. Why is he here? Why am I here? What's the meaning of life? These are probably questions that come to you in the shower but since you don't have a pen you can't right them down so inevitably they are forgotten. Much like Malouda, the forgotten Frog with terrible fashion sense. Malouda probably wonders what happened. Well I'll tell you Mr Malouda. He aren't needed, you were put up for sale last season, so how you don't understand this, I'll never know. Now, I know some of you think he is the new Bogarde, but that's unfair. I honestly believe that he thought he was going to contribute to this season, he wants to keep his place in Les Bleus for Brasil '14. Conslusion: Au revoir, Monsieur Malouda. Salut! Don't forget your final paycheck! Michael Essien What happened? His knees happened, that's what. Why he is at Real Madrid? I have no clue. Why would we as supporters want him? We wouldn't, except for sentimentality. He isn't that old and should have a few years left...but the Bison is dead, shot dead at the knee caps. He has nothing left to offer that is special anymore. And it's sad to because he was hands down the best box-to-box player of the modern era. He could do it all; defend, attack, and show up for the big games. Never again we will see the bison. Conclusion: Unless someone is willing to lend him a new knee cap, Essien is outta here! Paulo Ferreira This one hurts. He is Paulo Motherfucking Ferreira, how can I say this? He looks like George Clooney and I bet is twice as suave. He isn't a high earner, but regardless he just doesn't get the game time to justify 40K p/w. He is close to retiring so I can understand he is stays another year. The dream is that he retires soon and becomes a coach here, but that's a dream and realistically, it's probably better for both parties to part ways. Conclusion: A final season back in Portugal maybe? Yossi Benayoun It's clear that he mates with Benitez because before the ex-Liverpool boss came to town, it was painfully obvious that he was surplus to requirements. Loans to Arsenal and West Ham spell this out. Get him out of here ASAP - nothing against you Yossi, but you can be replaced by a young up and comer. Conclusion: Goodbye Yossi! Have fun in Spain or Israel or wherever. Marko Marin As much as I thought he was going to work out, he just isn't. Has no final decision, he can't pick a pass, cross, shot or anything. There is a reason that Werder sold him only 3/4 of the way through the season. He is rubbish, failed me beyond all my expectations. Conclusion: Back to Deutschland for you Marko! Maybe some hack team will take a gamble on you. Ross Turnbull and Hilarious Hilario I'm far too lazy to write about both of these two. What do they offer us except for heart attacks? That is all. Conclusion: nPower Championship and retirement respectively. Gael Kakuta Bye bye. You'll never make it lad, your like a headless rooster, running around dribbling with no real end game. Much like Marin in the respect. Despite the circle jerks over him when he was a teenager he has turned out like so many wasted talents. Conclusion: Ligue Un? Ligue Deux? Branislav Ivanovic Yeah, that's right. Bane. I don't think he is up to standard. He has purple patches but he doesn't look comfortable as a CB or a RB and that's just not good enough for me. I suppose he could play as a cover but personally I think a replacement is ideal. I like him I really do, but I think his standards are dropping fast. He was such a beast in 09/10 and was solid in 10/11 but since then he has really dropped a few notches. Conclusion: He still a good player and he'd end up a great club in Germany or somewhere. EDIT: I forgot some players that I intended to write up. Fernando Torres Damn this guy all to hell. He looks class against shite teams like Rubin and QPR and puts in a decent shift concerning work ethic but he is output is not at the level of 50 million and almost 200k p/w. If he cost 10 million and was on 50k p/w and I'd reconsider but as of now, he isn't putting in the performances justifying his wages. Sadly I don't believe he will reach form and I believe he will stay. He isn't the man to win Chelsea trophies. Conclusion: Needs to leave ASAP but won't because there are potential buyers. Ashley Cole or Ryan Bertrand I think either Cole or Bertrand need to leave with Luke Shaw coming in. Cole is still good but deteriorating fast. I don't think his ankle is handling all his playing time very well. If I'm not mistaken he has been nursing a slightly dodge ankle ever since his Arsenal days. But Cole should only leave if a substantial offer from PSG or Madrid is put on the table. Bertrand on the other hand is solid, not great, already Shaw has surpassed him. Bertrand has put in some amazing displays like Arsenal for instance, but he just hasn't had enough playing time for everyone to gauge what his average performance level is. Conclusion: Next season, it needs to be either Cole and Shaw or Bertrand and Shaw. I'm leaning towards Cole and Shaw. And to top it off Ramires should be a utility player not a guaranteed starter. His passing and technique are crazy inconsistent. However his pace and work rate are irreplaceable, so I don't think he should be sold.

Well Ivan is fairly rubbish as a RB and not that great as CB if you ask me. And Wallace...it's a bit early to claim he is cover for right back, isn't it?

He didn't play though, therefore he hasn't been capped. Only called up. I agree that # on Facebook and here is really grating my nerves.

Unless their relationship degrades to the point of no return...

According your maths she has only thrown away 2 months. Not quite a lifetime for a 50 odd year old hag.

Should have married her, that's prime gash, you know? Tell the bitch next time you see that if I was plastic I'd be dead because humans can't be made out of plastic. Dumb bitch.

Another German named Sebastian and another that plays for Frankfurt. Rode however is a B2B midfielder, similar to Bastian (almost Sebastian) Schweinsteiger if I'm not mistaken. 22 with a quite a few games already under his belt, not as many as Jung but still nothing to shake a stick at. This guy if very solid, great stamina, passing, defensive capabilities and if MIDFIELDER and god knows that Chelsea need some of those.

Jung isn't exactly a top priority being a RB. But I do believe he has the ability to play across the back four and even fill in as a DM. I could be very mistaken though. One of the outstanding performers for high flying Eintracht Frankfurt, Jung is another in a long line of fantastic and exciting young Germans. Only 22 but already has over 100 professional games under his belt and all for Frankfurt. A very solid utility?

The man formerly opposite Marco Reus. While Reus soaked up all the attention, Herrmann went about his businees marauding up the flanks. He has scored a couple of goals this season and is improving in a weakening Borussia Monchengladbach outfit. An actual proper winger much like Moses that can add an extra dynamic to Chelsea. He hasn't been capped by Germany yet, but this is Germany we are talking about...

What about Marco van Ginkel for the midfield? 20 years old with over 100 appearances for Vitesse and 1 cap for Oranje, so he a bit of experience notched up. Probably not the most ideal signing for most members (he is too young, will cramp up all the other youth prospects, DE BRUYNE OMG!!!, etc) but football is a funny sport and it's hard to predict youth. Playing for Vitesse practically makes him a Chelsea player anyway...

Have you seen anything from Aké on the international scence? How does he fair in the Jong Oranje?

I love that quote because anyone that uses is doing all three of those things themself.

Damn I love Basel's kit. Really nice.

What the hell is wrong with this guy? He is a bloody different player just because of a nose mask.

Alonso is on his last legs methinks. He has been Mourinho's whipping boy for the last four years, doing everything and more. And he also loves Liverpool... Amazing player though.

I don't know. He is similar to Nistelrooy, Chicharito and Solskjaer, so old SAF knows a thing or two about goal poachers. Give the old cunt a little credit.

The distribution would be very static but defensively it would easily be in the top midfield 5 partnerships.

But you did so don't deny it.