José Mourinho's 10 best put-downs *** 'I have a problem. I’m getting better at everything' *** "I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea." (Perhaps Mourinho's most famous and persistent victim, the Arsenal boss received this acidic insult in October 2005 after questioning whether champions Chelsea had lost "the big belief" after a poor run.) *** "How do you say cheating in Catalan? Can Messi be suspended for acting? Barcelona is a cultural city with many great theatres and this boy has learned very well. He's learned play-acting." (Mourinho was left incensed after Asier del Horno's dismissal (and Messi's role in it) helped Barcelona defeat Chelsea 2-1 in the 2005/6 Champions League Round of 16 first leg at Stamford Bridge. The 18-year-old Messi's response? "I don't do theatre. I don't attach any importance to that because we know what he's like, that he likes talking, he likes to say things and heat up the atmosphere.") *** "Guardiola is a fantastic coach but I have won two Champions Leagues. He has won [only] one Champions League and that is one that would embarrass me. I would be ashamed to have won it with the scandal of Stamford Bridge and if he wins it this year it will be with the scandal of the Bernabéu. I hope one day Guardiola has the chance of winning a proper Champions League, a brilliant, clean championship with no scandal." (In April 2011, Mourinho's Real Madrid and Guardiola's Barcelona faced off four times in 18 days. After a 2-0 Barcelona victory at the Bernabéu in the Champions League semi-final first leg, Mourinho cracked. He accused UEFA of plotting to ensure Barcelona made the final and tried to belittle the achievements of his adversary.) *** "Sometimes you see beautiful people with no brains. Sometimes you have ugly people who are intelligent, like scientists. Our pitch is a bit like that. From the top it's a disgrace but the ball rolls at normal speed." (In 2006, playing at Stamford Bridge was a bit like a visit to the beach. We're not sure José was too fussed, however.) *** "I am no longer Chelsea coach, and I do not have to defend them any more, but I think it is correct if I say Drogba is a diver. Drogba, Ronaldo, Torres and Van Persie are the divers. Who dives more? Who has won more penalties in recent years? But English football is the one that criticises the divers the most." (Famous for his fierce loyalty to his players, Mourinho proved that isn't the case once he's in a new gig. His talismanic no11 wasn't safe once he was installed as Inter boss in 2008.) *** "I thought he was going to thank me for the title I gave him. Ask all the Inter fans what they think of me and him." (It's probably safe to assume Mourinho nor his great chum Sir Alex Ferguson are particular admirers of the Spaniard's work. After Benítez had steered Inter to glory in the 2010 FIFA Club World Cup, Mourinho was quick to praise, well, himself. Mourinho, of course, had led Inter to an unprecedented Italian treble the season before Benítez inherited his squad.) *** “Ranieri? I guess he’s right with what he said I am very demanding of myself and I have to win to be sure of things. This is why I have won so many trophies in my career. Ranieri on the other hand has the mentality of someone who doesn’t need to win. He is almost 70 years old. He has won a Supercup and another small trophy and he is too old to change his mentality. He’s old and he hasn’t won anything. I studied Italian five hours a day for many months to ensure I could communicate with the players, media and fans. Ranieri had been in England for five years and still struggled to say ‘good morning’ and ‘good afternoon.'" (Fun fact: former Chelsea Claudio Ranieri was 56-years-old when Mourinho took him to town in 2008. Then in charge at Juventus, Ranieri had said: “I am not like Mourinho, I don’t have to win things to be sure of myself,” in a press conference after a 3-0 defeat to Hamburg, prompting this remarkable tirade) *** "You may as well put a cow in the middle of the pitch. And then stop the game because there was a cow. You cannot do just anything in football. You have to defend with your 10 men, put the 10 men on the goal line, park the bus, but football needs a ball. Not two or zero. Do what you can to win but not everything. Sometimes there were zero balls and that cuts the dynamic of the team who is trying to win the game." (Back in October 2014, everyone was getting rather excited about Chelsea going the whole Premier League season unbeaten. Until they pitched up at St James' Park at were promptly beaten 2-1.) *** “Many coaches have won it more than once but there is only one club that was leading 3-0 in the final and managed to lose it. [sir Alex] Ferguson has also won it twice. He is 68 and we’ll see how many I have bagged in 23 years.” (Like a particularly jealous boyfriend, it seems Mourinho isn't fond of anyone else who gets to go out with Chelsea. Carlo Ancelotti - who later had the temerity to get into bed with another Mourinho employer in Madrid - said Mourinho "lacked respect" after the Special One's stormed the pitch in an Inter-Sampdoria match in 2009. Mourinho countered with this beautifully barbed reference to Milan's 2005 Ancelotti-helmed Champions League final collapse against Liverpool.) *** "I was manager for the first time in 2000 but, before that, I was assistant in big clubs and with big managers and coaching the best players in the world, so I was 30 and I was coaching Ronaldo, not this one [Cristiano], the real one, the Brazilian Ronaldo." (Ahead of the wonderfully spurious International Champions Cup final in August 2013, Mourinho was asked about working with world class players. Newly returned at Chelsea after his acrimonious departure from Real Madrid, he struck this little dig at his former star.)
