Depression

[Mundaka 243]

Im also quite phrone to depression, especially when i was a teen. When i feel down, sports outdoor like surfing/mountainbike/football helps me a lot, also going out (talk with people/go to a party), music, ganja are also great to get me into a better mood.

[Spike 12,049]

Venting.

When I was a kid (imagine a twelve year old) I got depressed all the time, for no particular reason. Maybe school had something to do with it, I remember I hated it so greatly. I often felt like a different person, mean and angry one day, nice and respectful the next. Shit didn't get much better in High School, I was bullied a lot when I was 13/14, and I became really aggressive and hostile because of it sometimes. I despised school and everyone in it I was so angry. I often lost my temper at the worst of times. I hate that school.

My grandfather died on my 14th birthday of a heart attack in front of me. That was horrifying, he was the only father figure in my life because my father was never there, I've never met him. And then again I have mixed feelings about my grandfather, because I think he saw me as a failure. Around this time is when I started drinking and smoking weed. I regret it so much.

One christmas when I was 15, I sat in bed all night and cried. For no reason, nothing had happened, I just couldn't handle life anymore.

I had a nervous breakdown when I was 16, I started screaming at my best friend in the middle of class. They had to get me out of there. I sat in bed for two weeks doing nothing at all. First came medication and then therapy. They were alright at the time but I'm back to square one now.

I've had several nervous breakdowns since then. And a lot of other shit has happened that I don't want to talk about.

Somtimes I feel like a completely different person, I hate it. I feel so great at times, it's like I'm invincible. But then I crash like a car and it's as if I was never happy in the first place. But then I'm feeling great again and it's like I was never depressed and I often can't remember feeling depressed.

[manpe 10,861]

but hte main thing is lifestyle. for example, if you get in to a pattern of waking up late, not doing much with your day, missing classes, missing events, it builds up with guilt. depression is a nasty cycle. you feel upset. so you dont do anything, then you feel even worse for not doing those things (meeting with people, going to class etc) and then you dont do anyhting because you are feelign even lower.

So true. The thing is it's almost impossible to get out of that cycle when you have trouble socializing and your confidence/self-esteem is literally shattered, every second thought is "you're worthless, you won't amount to anything" and "you're not worth it". You feel guilt even when thinking good and positive thoughts about yourself, because you don't feel worthy of good things and you instantly replace those thoughts with what I wrote before. Many people find help by talking to people or professionals, but what if you don't have courage to do that? What if one of your biggest fears is socializing with strangers face to face? When you simply can't open yourself up even to close ones and start lying and hiding as the easier option?

To start training and more importantly, to maintain it so it would actually have long term effects, you need extremely strong willpower and perseverance. Where do you get those things? Nowhere.

[Steve 10,227]

Venting.

When I was a kid (imagine a twelve year old) I got depressed all the time, for no particular reason. Maybe school had something to do with it, I remember I hated it so greatly. I often felt like a different person, mean and angry one day, nice and respectful the next. Shit didn't get much better in High School, I was bullied a lot when I was 13/14, and I became really aggressive and hostile because of it sometimes. I despised school and everyone in it I was so angry. I often lost my temper at the worst of times. I hate that school.

My grandfather died on my 14th birthday of a heart attack in front of me. That was horrifying, he was the only father figure in my life because my father was never there, I've never met him. And then again I have mixed feelings about my grandfather, because I think he saw me as a failure. Around this time is when I started drinking and smoking weed. I regret it so much.

One christmas when I was 15, I sat in bed all night and cried. For no reason, nothing had happened, I just couldn't handle life anymore.

I had a nervous breakdown when I was 16, I started screaming at my best friend in the middle of class. They had to get me out of there. I sat in bed for two weeks doing nothing at all. First came medication and then therapy. They were alright at the time but I'm back to square one now.

I've had several nervous breakdowns since then. And a lot of other shit has happened that I don't want to talk about.

Somtimes I feel like a completely different person, I hate it. I feel so great at times, it's like I'm invincible. But then I crash like a car and it's as if I was never happy in the first place. But then I'm feeling great again and it's like I was never depressed and I often can't remember feeling depressed.

That's not nice to hear and I really hope you pull out of it mate. If you ever need to talk let me know!

[CHOULO19 24,332]

Venting.

When I was a kid (imagine a twelve year old) I got depressed all the time, for no particular reason. Maybe school had something to do with it, I remember I hated it so greatly. I often felt like a different person, mean and angry one day, nice and respectful the next. Shit didn't get much better in High School, I was bullied a lot when I was 13/14, and I became really aggressive and hostile because of it sometimes. I despised school and everyone in it I was so angry. I often lost my temper at the worst of times. I hate that school.

My grandfather died on my 14th birthday of a heart attack in front of me. That was horrifying, he was the only father figure in my life because my father was never there, I've never met him. And then again I have mixed feelings about my grandfather, because I think he saw me as a failure. Around this time is when I started drinking and smoking weed. I regret it so much.

One christmas when I was 15, I sat in bed all night and cried. For no reason, nothing had happened, I just couldn't handle life anymore.

I had a nervous breakdown when I was 16, I started screaming at my best friend in the middle of class. They had to get me out of there. I sat in bed for two weeks doing nothing at all. First came medication and then therapy. They were alright at the time but I'm back to square one now.

I've had several nervous breakdowns since then. And a lot of other shit has happened that I don't want to talk about.

Somtimes I feel like a completely different person, I hate it. I feel so great at times, it's like I'm invincible. But then I crash like a car and it's as if I was never happy in the first place. But then I'm feeling great again and it's like I was never depressed and I often can't remember feeling depressed.

Jake, buddy, that must have been very hard to write. I hope that the courage to talk about this is a step in the right direction. If you need to talk about anything, please feel free to PM me.

[Mundaka 243]

Some people might want to check this by the way:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroticism

&

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highly_sensitive_person (if you have lots of mood-swings for no good reason this could be the reason, +/- 20% of the people have this, and it could be a big help if you know thats why.)

[dumps 284]

So true. The thing is it's almost impossible to get out of that cycle when you have trouble socializing and your confidence/self-esteem is literally shattered, every second thought is "you're worthless, you won't amount to anything" and "you're not worth it". You feel guilt even when thinking good and positive thoughts about yourself, because you don't feel worthy of good things and you instantly replace those thoughts with what I wrote before. Many people find help by talking to people or professionals, but what if you don't have courage to do that? What if one of your biggest fears is socializing with strangers face to face? When you simply can't open yourself up even to close ones and start lying and hiding as the easier option?

To start training and more importantly, to maintain it so it would actually have long term effects, you need extremely strong willpower and perseverance. Where do you get those things? Nowhere.

And thats exactly why i personally feel mental health research needs some huge funding. its only a matter of time before it does, but i dont know why its taking so long. the researchers that are out there trying to to help are making really slow progress. I think they have all settled on agreeing its an intervention that has to not only last short term, but becomes part of a lifestyle to then break the cycle and to maintain it for the future. but how do you do that. yes you can find some subjects, force them in to doing things like exercise, but like you said, as soon as the researchers go away, even if the subjects did find some benefit (which they usual do) its only a matter of time before they relapse.

The latest stuff looks to alter peoples behaviours in the hope that it then encourages and provokes them to do things like socialising or doing sport without being told to. kind of like the film inception, just not as kick ass. but thats not easy...

when you cant open up to close ones or have the courage to visit an advisor, i cant imagine how that must feel and i hope htat anyone in that situation just has the good fortune to be able to build up that courage and let someone know. My partner didnt tell me, i just noticed it. at first i didnt take any notice, didnt really think anythign of it, then there were periods (normally winter when the sun fucks off) where it was really bad, then it became continusously bad. Thats when i thought i should try and encourage her to see a doctor. the problem is, i persoanlly think, especially with mild - moderate depression, it can be made a lot worse by being clinically labelled as depressed. it then becomes a kind, and not to sound too harsh but i dont know how else to put it, but becomes an excuse that you can ride off. im upset because im depressed, so im gonna stay in and watch TV all day, because im depressed. and as soon as she saw the doctor and was told she was depressed, it got instantly worse for about 2 months, it was really bad. then she slowly started becoming better, and of recent weeks shes been back to normal.

I think anti depressants work in a way thats just reduces the negative feelings of depression, in the hope that you then feel ok enough to be able to break the cycle yourself. whereas prescribed exercise/social meetings are used to literally break the cycle till it is no longer a cycle, but relapses happen all the time.

Its a horrible thing and i think its something that isnt going to be properly sorted for a long time. maybe not even in our life times.

There is no point in giving up though. anyone who feels down and hopeless and cant be bothered to get back up and try again just needs that bit of support and encouragement. its enough to start by just identifying all the thigns nad behaviours you do that make you feel bad. so when you dont do something, or when you go out drinking, you dont even have to write them down, if in your head you can identify and seperate the bad behaviours and the good behaviours, you can at least try and avoid them.

that self help thing i posted in an earlier post has lots of information and simple things you can do. and all you have to do is read

so to anyone feeling down, give it a read.

[manpe 10,861]

http://en.wikipedia....ensitive_person (if you have lots of mood-swings for no good reason this could be the reason, +/- 20% of the people have this, and it could be a big help if you know thats why.)

Holy shit, reading this is just like reading about myself. But since every fifth person is highly sensitive, then I suppose it's normal.

I've been unemployed for a looong time now because I can't handle being in foreign environment around strangers. I get anxious and scared. Once I literally ran away from a test day. This really sucks because I can't live like that. When I think about this situation I feel totally helpless. At the same time I am convinced there is nothing wrong with me and I'm making it all up in my head as an excuse to being just plain lazy.

[Mundaka 243]

Well good thing is once you know it you can work on it if that's the case.

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

would try this one out first

[manpe 10,861]

Well good thing is once you know it you can work on it if that's the case.

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

would try this one out first

I cannot do it because I don't understand some statements. For example: I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input. I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment. I have a rich,complex inner life. My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.

Like what the fuck

[Kojo 4,676]

Manpe you have been doing well, you seem more open and happier, personally I think you can over come what you've been through. If you're taking those little steps, you'll only grow to make bigger steps.

[Kieran. 6,317]

I cannot do it because I don't understand some statements. For example: I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input. I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment. I have a rich,complex inner life. My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.

Like what the fuck

I think I can explain those for you:

I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input, or bright lights, loud sounds, strong smells, etc.

I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment, or you're very observant to small details in your environment.

I have a rich, complex inner life...no fucking idea what this is.

My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled I have to go off by myself, or when you become overwhelmed by your senses, you have you isolate yourself in your room, in a corner, etc.

[Mundaka 243]

I cannot do it because I don't understand some statements. For example: I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input. I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment. I have a rich,complex inner life. My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.

Like what the fuck

Hmm well

I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input.

sensory = hearing (ears) -> fe you cant stand/are overwhelmed by very loud music (fe people wearing earplugs at a concert are usually sensitive for heavy sounds/ or they just want to protect their ears ofcourse...) / light (eyes) -> fe you cant stand reading in the sun when it's summer / You cant wear certain fabrics because it itches to much...

I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment.

You easely notice it when theres a bad atmosphere in a room, when someone is sad...

I have a rich,complex inner life.

strong imagination

My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.

That you are so overwhelmed you need a break

[manpe 10,861]

Manpe you have been doing well, you seem more open and happier, personally I think you can over come what you've been through. If you're taking those little steps, you'll only grow to make bigger steps.

Compared to what time? That's not true. I can be more talkative some days but it doesn't mean anything. Anyway, let's keep our discussions private. You know more about me than you should and I know more about you than I should, that's why we need to keep it private.

[Mundaka 243]

Manpe, out of certain reply's im pretty sure your a higly sensitive (if that test gives the same result..), no problem tho mate, its as much a gift as it is a burden (great with chicks). I would read on that topic on sites/fora...

http://www.clovercoaching.com/sensitivity.htm

& perhaps read aron's bio

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/aron_bio.htm

[Kieran. 6,317]

Mundaka, I'm not sure giving non-professional diagnoses is the best thing. Especially when you have a very small idea of what manpe is like.

[dumps 284]

Compared to what time? That's not true. I can be more talkative some days but it doesn't mean anything. Anyway, let's keep our discussions private. You know more about me than you should and I know more about you than I should, that's why we need to keep it private.

not to interfere with this or anything, but by simply posting in this thread you are making a step. would you not agree? i think you deserve to credit yourself a little more than you seem to do. Just by being here it shows you are actively seeking out some help and advice. your response to my earlier post was good and interactive and you identified and showed that you knew the pattern you were in.

its only a matter of time before you take other steps.

[Mundaka 243]

Mundaka, I'm not sure giving non-professional diagnoses is the best thing.

Thing is none can give a 100% diagnoses about this, you have to read about that stuff and be true to yourself if that's really the case to be certain.

[manpe 10,861]

@Mundaka, do you study psychology or smth?

[Mundaka 243]

@Mundaka, do you study psychology or smth?

Nah but my mother is a psychologist and we talk about that stuff + i have it myself (not in an extreme way tho)