Depression

[Mundaka 243]

I cannot do it because I don't understand some statements. For example: I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input. I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment. I have a rich,complex inner life. My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.

Like what the fuck

Hmm well

I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input.

sensory = hearing (ears) -> fe you cant stand/are overwhelmed by very loud music (fe people wearing earplugs at a concert are usually sensitive for heavy sounds/ or they just want to protect their ears ofcourse...) / light (eyes) -> fe you cant stand reading in the sun when it's summer / You cant wear certain fabrics because it itches to much...

I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment.

You easely notice it when theres a bad atmosphere in a room, when someone is sad...

I have a rich,complex inner life.

strong imagination

My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.

That you are so overwhelmed you need a break

[manpe 10,861]

Manpe you have been doing well, you seem more open and happier, personally I think you can over come what you've been through. If you're taking those little steps, you'll only grow to make bigger steps.

Compared to what time? That's not true. I can be more talkative some days but it doesn't mean anything. Anyway, let's keep our discussions private. You know more about me than you should and I know more about you than I should, that's why we need to keep it private.

[Mundaka 243]

Manpe, out of certain reply's im pretty sure your a higly sensitive (if that test gives the same result..), no problem tho mate, its as much a gift as it is a burden (great with chicks). I would read on that topic on sites/fora...

http://www.clovercoaching.com/sensitivity.htm

& perhaps read aron's bio

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/aron_bio.htm

[Kieran. 6,317]

Mundaka, I'm not sure giving non-professional diagnoses is the best thing. Especially when you have a very small idea of what manpe is like.

[dumps 284]

Compared to what time? That's not true. I can be more talkative some days but it doesn't mean anything. Anyway, let's keep our discussions private. You know more about me than you should and I know more about you than I should, that's why we need to keep it private.

not to interfere with this or anything, but by simply posting in this thread you are making a step. would you not agree? i think you deserve to credit yourself a little more than you seem to do. Just by being here it shows you are actively seeking out some help and advice. your response to my earlier post was good and interactive and you identified and showed that you knew the pattern you were in.

its only a matter of time before you take other steps.

[Mundaka 243]

Mundaka, I'm not sure giving non-professional diagnoses is the best thing.

Thing is none can give a 100% diagnoses about this, you have to read about that stuff and be true to yourself if that's really the case to be certain.

[manpe 10,861]

@Mundaka, do you study psychology or smth?

[Mundaka 243]

@Mundaka, do you study psychology or smth?

Nah but my mother is a psychologist and we talk about that stuff + i have it myself (not in an extreme way tho)

[manpe 10,861]

not to interfere with this or anything, but by simply posting in this thread you are making a step. would you not agree? i think you deserve to credit yourself a little more than you seem to do. Just by being here it shows you are actively seeking out some help and advice. your response to my earlier post was good and interactive and you identified and showed that you knew the pattern you were in.

its only a matter of time before you take other steps.

Thank you, I'm aware of it. I've analyzed myself for years now, I haven't hidden my "problems" in anonymous surroundings. I am aware of the cycles and shit and I know I'm in one, but being aware of it doesn't help the slightest. I've been trying to make small steps all the time, when I'm in the "better period", but it lasts too short and then I give up. Nothing what I've done has made a big difference, in fact some things have made things worse I think. I don't even know anymore, I'm tired of thinking and analyzing. I think a proper friend would help a lot, just to have someone to fool around with, but I don't want anybody.

Anyway, this is all too... I don't know what. I don't know. Let's not talk about me anymore, I just don't know anything.

[dumps 284]

Nah but my mother is a psychologist and we talk about that stuff + i have it myself (not in an extreme way tho)

I like to think everyone has depression to a certain extent, and i think those that are considered not sufferers are masters of distraction, and mastered it from a younger age.

when i was young, about 10 or 11, my father said to me "if you aren't happy, you are living life wrong" so i always made sure i was happy. when something bad or sad happened id use a distraction to avoid me thinking about it. I would usually think about the bad thigns just before i went to sleep, id just lay there and go through it all in my end and solve it all there. This does have its downsides though... whenever im in an arguement with my family or my partner i tend to crack jokes. which are totally irrelelvant. im the kind of person that, once an arguement is brought up, i want to forget about it, go home, think about it, then solve it the following day. but unfortunately the pople i argue with want it sorted there and then, so im there just cracking jokes and it makes me come across like i dont care.

in terms of distractions, things like video games, going on my computer, although not amazingly ideal, they were great. id jsut go to my room and play some fifa and id feel fine.

on reflection, what ive jsut described there cna be seen more as a preventative method. if you dont get those distractions as a child, then you are gradually going to become more and more sad if you dwell on things, and once you become an adult i guess you are more prone to depression.

[Mundaka 243]

I've had extensive conversations with psychologists online, but they piss me off more than anything.

Most psychologists don't even know about this stuff... its pretty new. And its almost only known in USA/Europe, if i were you (and to follow kieran's advice) i would talk with a psychologist who knows what this (highly sensitive, check on this first) means and see if he will confirm.

Im gonna go sleep now good luck!

If you have any more q's.. you know where to find me, feel free to pm. (and try to take that test in a clear mind, take your time and compare yourself in those situations with other people, be neutral in this)

[manpe 10,861]

Most psychologists don't even know about this stuff... its pretty new. And its almost only known in USA/Europe, if i were you (and to follow kieran's advice) i would talk with a psychologist who knows what this (highly sensitive, check on this first) means and see if he will confirm.

Im gonna go sleep now good luck!

If you have any more q's.. you know where to find me, feel free to pm. (and try to take that test in a clear mind, take your time and compare yourself in those situations with other people, be neutral in this)

If there is no cure then what's the point in knowing if I have it or not? If 20% of people have it then it's pretty normal I'd say, why treat it as a disorder?

[Mundaka 243]

when something bad or sad happened id use a distraction to avoid me thinking about it. I would usually think about the bad thigns just before i went to sleep, id just lay there and go through it all in my end and solve it all there.

go home, think about it, then solve it the following day. but unfortunately the pople i argue with want it sorted there and then

Thats perfect man, tell them to back off if that's what you need, as long as you solve it take the time you need.

1) You are sure you wont say things you will regret

2) You avoid getting stressed out.

[Mundaka 243]

If there is no cure then what's the point in knowing if I have it or not? If 20% of people have it then it's pretty normal I'd say, why treat it as a disorder?

Because you can work on it... Its not a sickness that can be solved with medication, you have to try to find a way to be at peace with yourself. Like i said, read on fora what other people think/feel/do about it + perhaps Aron's bio (see post before)

Be sure to reread everything what i said manpe... about that test / therapist (although that wont be easy)

[dumps 284]

Thank you, I'm aware of it. I've analyzed myself for years now, I haven't hidden my "problems" in anonymous surroundings. I am aware of the cycles and shit and I know I'm in one, but being aware of it doesn't help the slightest. I've been trying to make small steps all the time, when I'm in the "better period", but it lasts too short and then I give up. Nothing what I've done has made a big difference, in fact some things have made things worse I think. I don't even know anymore, I'm tired of thinking and analyzing. I think a proper friend would help a lot, just to have someone to fool around with, but I don't want anybody.

Anyway, this is all too... I don't know what. I don't know. Let's not talk about me anymore, I just don't know anything.

Thank you, I'm aware of it. I've analyzed myself for years now, I haven't hidden my "problems" in anonymous surroundings. I am aware of the cycles and shit and I know I'm in one, but being aware of it doesn't help the slightest. I've been trying to make small steps all the time, when I'm in the "better period", but it lasts too short and then I give up. Nothing what I've done has made a big difference, in fact some things have made things worse I think. I don't even know anymore, I'm tired of thinking and analyzing. I think a proper friend would help a lot, just to have someone to fool around with, but I don't want anybody.

Anyway, this is all too... I don't know what. I don't know. Let's not talk about me anymore, I just don't know anything.

you've got the right ideas. its good that you know what it is you need you've just got to get it. best way to meet someone is a job. i know right now you arent up for finding a job, you know you need to, but what motivation is there? just ask yourself, what good will i get from a job? in that answer, one of the points amongst otehrs will be you are increasing your chances of finding someone you can fool around with.

obviously you know better than anyone asking a question and listing a pro isnt going to make you jump out your chair and go look for a job, but its good to at least think about it.

you ever do things like mental rehersal? im just sharing this with you out of interest, its quite a personal thing to me as well, but seeing as everyones opening up, why the hell not:

i act out future scenarios in my head before i sleep and imagine them going exactly how id want them. or sometimes just to the bare minumm id want the go. for example, tomorrow ive got a meeting with my tutor, i sent her my first draft of my dissertation, i wrote it in 1 hour, some students have spent weeks on it, mine was absolute dog shite. i just read the feedback she sent me and she SLAMMED it. ive got to meet her tomorrow and i know shes goign to be thinking im a fucking retard. so, in my head, i imagine going in, explaining to her casually that ive doen a poor job, i know that, she knows that. i appreciate her feedback, ask her a few questions about my work, get her smiling and the whole atmosphere turns from nasty to nice. - even though realistically i know its not going to go that well, i have no managed to convince myself it will go alright, even though i know it wont.... but tis settled my nerves. hard to explain...

ok that may not have been a good example but you kind of catch my drift. its a pretty stupid thing i feel but it can help supress any negative feelings etc.

so in relevance to you, when you are laying in bed tonight, just think about searching for a few jobs, applying for a few. getting a phone call back or whatever saying they want you to come on. going to that interview and just nailing. like you have wowed the person interviewing you and you are a massive hit. then starting that job, doing it well and being confident and chatting to people, making friends and building soem strong relationships. you may lay there for 3 hours thinking about that stuff. i do sometimes. im moving away to a big city with my gf, id have finished education and be looking for a real job, getting some real experience. ive been going through it in my head for weeks now and before it, i was a bit anxious about moving, now i cant wait.

dunno if it helps but its something i do. im just riffing.

[dumps 284]

If there is no cure then what's the point in knowing if I have it or not? If 20% of people have it then it's pretty normal I'd say, why treat it as a disorder?

amen to that. I saw a show a few weeks ago and the person on it was autistic, and was working in a care home. a person questioned whether he should be working there because he was autistic and advised him to get tested. the resposne was:

"If I’m autistic would it change me? Would it kill me? Would it make me a different person?"

to which the reply was No. so he replied with "well leave it then"

perfect. there are just some features and states that are just anatomoical. autisim, ADHD... you cant fix em, and they do no physical harm so just leave it.

the only time i think it is acceptable to intervene with a mental illness is when it does cause negative harm, but otherwise just leave it and get on with it. its a trait.

[Kieran. 6,317]

amen to that. I saw a show a few weeks ago and the person on it was autistic, and was working in a care home. a person questioned whether he should be working there because he was autistic and advised him to get tested. the resposne was:

"If I’m autistic would it change me? Would it kill me? Would it make me a different person?"

to which the reply was No. so he replied with "well leave it then"

perfect. there are just some features and states that are just anatomoical. autisim, ADHD... you cant fix em, and they do no physical harm so just leave it.

the only time i think it is acceptable to intervene with a mental illness is when it does cause negative harm, but otherwise just leave it and get on with it. its a trait.

ADHD can be really, really negative. However, it's over-diagnosed and kids who don't even have it are getting drugged up. Though certain peple definitely need medication for it and they help.

[manpe 10,861]

Because you can work on it... Its not a sickness that can be solved with medication, you have to try to find a way to be at peace with yourself. Like i said, read on fora what other people think/feel/do about it + perhaps Aron's bio (see post before)

Be sure to reread everything what i said manpe... about that test / therapist (although that wont be easy)

I don't think I'll be going in depth with this. All I have to do is accept myself for who I am, knowing that I might be highly sensitive won't make a difference. In fact I know I overthink and sometimes blow things out of proportion. I'm trying to deal with that how dumps described in his next post. Actually it's not exactly "dealing with it", it's just a method to calm myself down.

you've got the right ideas. its good that you know what it is you need you've just got to get it. best way to meet someone is a job. i know right now you arent up for finding a job, you know you need to, but what motivation is there? just ask yourself, what good will i get from a job? in that answer, one of the points amongst otehrs will be you are increasing your chances of finding someone you can fool around with.

obviously you know better than anyone asking a question and listing a pro isnt going to make you jump out your chair and go look for a job, but its good to at least think about it.

you ever do things like mental rehersal? im just sharing this with you out of interest, its quite a personal thing to me as well, but seeing as everyones opening up, why the hell not:

i act out future scenarios in my head before i sleep and imagine them going exactly how id want them. or sometimes just to the bare minumm id want the go. for example, tomorrow ive got a meeting with my tutor, i sent her my first draft of my dissertation, i wrote it in 1 hour, some students have spent weeks on it, mine was absolute dog shite. i just read the feedback she sent me and she SLAMMED it. ive got to meet her tomorrow and i know shes goign to be thinking im a fucking retard. so, in my head, i imagine going in, explaining to her casually that ive doen a poor job, i know that, she knows that. i appreciate her feedback, ask her a few questions about my work, get her smiling and the whole atmosphere turns from nasty to nice. - even though realistically i know its not going to go that well, i have no managed to convince myself it will go alright, even though i know it wont.... but tis settled my nerves. hard to explain...

ok that may not have been a good example but you kind of catch my drift. its a pretty stupid thing i feel but it can help supress any negative feelings etc.

so in relevance to you, when you are laying in bed tonight, just think about searching for a few jobs, applying for a few. getting a phone call back or whatever saying they want you to come on. going to that interview and just nailing. like you have wowed the person interviewing you and you are a massive hit. then starting that job, doing it well and being confident and chatting to people, making friends and building soem strong relationships. you may lay there for 3 hours thinking about that stuff. i do sometimes. im moving away to a big city with my gf, id have finished education and be looking for a real job, getting some real experience. ive been going through it in my head for weeks now and before it, i was a bit anxious about moving, now i cant wait.

dunno if it helps but its something i do. im just riffing.

Yes, I sometimes do it. There was a person who reasoned with me and tried to calm me down whenever I was seeing things too negatively (she now ignores me because apparently I influence here in a bad way with my negativity). Thanks to that I sometimes try to calm myself down and think through more positive scenarios like you described. I've gone to one interview which I thought I did fine in, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I never got any offer though, but whatever. Then I've been to 2 test days (short interviews with practical work to get a sense of what I'll be doing). First test day went to shit and in second one, which was fairly recently, I kept noticing all the negative things and convinced myself out of it. I rejected their offer. I cannot make friends like that because I do my best to avoid people. I also don't want anyone new, I want my old friend back. I know it's not possible, but this is the situation and it's not gonna change. I guess I'm too stuck in the past.

Also, I must remind myself that I'm using a known username here. My family knows I'm a fan of Chelsea and they know what username I usually use, so it's a risk writing all that stuff here. I might ask staff to remove my posts after some time like I did before. I just don't want the risk of being exposed. I do appreciate your answers though, all of you.