Barcelona DNA revelead!

[termninja 5,290]

The secrets of Barca DNA revealed! What it is, how it works and why it helps you get away with murder

Alexis Sanchez has completed his protracted move to Barcelona and as part of his medical had the essential Barcelona DNA implanted into him. This is the same Barca DNA that Xavi worries is eating up Cesc Fabregas while he is held hostage at The Emirates.

We all know Barcelona are special and we've heard the phrase Barca DNA many times, but has anyone ever tried to actually find out what this stuff is?

To help Mirror Football readers enhance their excellent football knowledge, we've enlisted the help of Catalonia's foremost genetics expert. And after just five minutes with Professor Hogboglinez, things became much clearer...

MF: So what does Barca DNA actually do?

PH:The Barca DNA it is unique. It makes a player different and special. More than a player, more than a club.

Yes, that's all well and good but doesn't actually mean anything. What specific advantages does it give a player?

It helps the players work as a team, they are like a family. For example, if a player gets fouled then many others will run to the referee to demand action is taken against the offender.

Isn't this just unsporting behaviour, trying to get players sent off?

No, it is Barca DNA. We are more than a club.

Tell us more...

Well sometimes when I watch our team I think to myself, "Barca, you have the world's best players, go for the jugular rather than passing it five yards to each other for eternity and waiting for a mistake. Aaarrrgghhh!". I get very frustrated but then many people will say it was one of the best games they have ever seen in the history of sport; that having 99.9984% of the possession and scoring one goal is a thing of remarkable beauty. Even though it's infrequent I am not allowed to say Barca had a bad game without being told I have no idea about football.

You're saying Barca DNA can influence the minds of others and even the reporting of football in general?

Of course, Serigo Busquets is a good example. Remember when he was alleged to have used racist remarks on the pitch? Well, despite there being video evidence we managed to convince UEFA he was saying something totally harmless even though he was covering his mouth with his hand as he said it.

Then there's Xavi, who literally oozes Barca DNA, he makes many comments about Cesc Fabregas coming to Barca and yet escapes widespread criticism or sanction. I won't mention Messi sulking and refusing to train, the last time I did that I had to change my address and have extensive plastic surgery to alter my appearance.

Interesting, so what can Alexis Sanchez expect now he has Barca DNA?

Well, he won't dive anymore, that's a given, he'll merely have gone down due to the effects of several earlier tackles. He won't be labelled petulant even if he kicks a ball into the faces of opposition supporters. He gains an ability to walk on water and can probably heal sick children.

So there you have it, Barca DNA is truly a magical thing. We did try to speak to English clubs about whether they had their own DNA systems but were met with a frosty response.

On ringing Harry Redknapp, it got a bit confused. We wanted him to speak about Spurs and DNA "No, I'm afraid I can't. We're always interested in top top players and de Annay is certainly that, 'triffic boy, but we can't talk directly about other team's stars.".

Chelsea just seemed to get angry when asked if we could chat about player's DNA "Listen, if I've told your kind once then I've told them a thousand times, John Terry has done his quota of parental tests for the year and won't be doing any more.".

[LDN Blue 7,903]

Then there's Xavi, who literally oozes Barca DNA, he makes many comments about Cesc Fabregas coming to Barca and yet escapes widespread criticism or sanction.

So, very, true.

[Spike 12,049]

Michael Ballack must have stolen some of that Barca DNA because he sure as hell got away with everything.

[Guest justin_3d]

I think it's all about playing good football.

Notice how when where playing good football with Carlo in his first season overall we got a lot of "lucky" calls go our way.

Except on the CL, but in the PL we got a load of calls our way.

Once we started doing crap i don't think we got as many calls.

Don't know if it's true, but it's theory i have. Would like to see what people think about that.

[Madmax 9,219]

Barcelona, Tottenham and Chelsea all mentioned. Hmm, let's see if we have an idea who wrote this ....

...et tu, Arsene?

[BlueLion. 21,491]

Interesting, so what can Alexis Sanchez expect now he has Barca DNA?

Well, he won't dive anymore, that's a given, he'll merely have gone down due to the effects of several earlier tackles. He won't be labelled petulant even if he kicks a ball into the faces of opposition supporters. He gains an ability to walk on water and can probably heal sick children.

[Henrique 9,133]

Another jealous and stupid article.

[Term-X 7,891]

Another jealous and stupid article.

[Henrique 9,133]

You prove to be jealousy doing such a thing. Thats what jealousy people do, they only point the negative things a forget about the good. Barcelona is not winning everyhting because of the acts and because UEFA is helping them. They are winning because they have a superb team. What people like this one that wrote the article are trying to do is: "Barcelona is only a buch of divers and cheaters".

Thats ridiculous. Their players might have some bad attitudes sometimes, but for jealous people this is what Barcelona is about. They forget about the thousands of goals, the passes, the skills and the tactics.

[Term-X 7,891]

You prove to be jealousy doing such a thing. Thats what jealousy people do, they only point the negative things a forget about the good. Barcelona is not winning everyhting because of the acts and because UEFA is helping them. They are winning because they have a superb team. What people like this one that wrote the article are trying to do is: "Barcelona is only a buch of divers and cheaters".

Thats ridiculous. Their players might have some bad attitudes sometimes, but for jealous people this is what Barcelona is about. They forget about the thousands of goals, the passes, the skills and the tactics.

They are the best team in the world.. cheating however, has to be accounted for. It's an extreme article but there is a comedic element to it 'He gains an ability to walk on water and can probably heal sick children', so it's not entirely serious anyway.

[BlueLion. 21,491]

Another jealous and stupid article.

It's called 'humour,' I suggest you invest heavily in a sense of it, Henrique! I don't know if you don't understand it because it is English humour, the article is clearly ironic.

[chrismada9 1,948]

They are the best team in the world.. cheating however, has to be accounted for.

Spot on!! :goodpost:

[termninja 5,290]

Me wants one of those DNAs