BlueLion.

Breaking news - the BBC are reporting that two Premier League footballs have collided with the international space station!

I don't think anyone should be labelling themselves "pro-Mata" or "pro-Oscar". However, if we are desperate to categorise, stick me in the "pro-Chelsea" group, because it is pretty clear to me that the inclusion of Oscar and Willian, based on their form, performances and their defensive capacity, is an absolutely correct one by José for the betterment of the team.

Eto'o shows off his really, really shit Michael Jackson impression.

The guy is cursed. Every single time he plays himself into form, he gets injured.

Very easy to say that, but if you're predominantly a left-footed player it's only natural to want to shift it onto his stronger foot. I certainly do the same when I'm playing, I often refuse to kick with my left unless it's absolutely necessary. I just don't think he saw Hernandez closing him down as he was focusing on Welbeck closing from the opposite side. I was a little pissed at Cahill for such a silly pass in all honesty. he should have just smacked it out. Oh well, no harm done.

The amount of fans/pundits saying he "ran the show" yesterday makes me question whether the government should issue free contact lenses to everyone. He had a poor game in my opinion. Great at hustling the opposition, but his booking was ridiculous, his position discipline was non-existent (how many times did Mourinho shout for him to drop?!), and it looked as if he was doing the best he could to get a second yellow with some of the niggling fouls he was doing. He was lucky Carrick had a shocker and Phil Jones is dog-shit, because against a more experienced midfield duo, like Fernandinho and Yaya, he'd have been utterly destroyed. Back into headless-chicken-mode. The sooner Matic/Lampard are started in the midfield the better. Luiz is a loose cannon wherever he plays.

Stoke are hilarious to watch; they're awful. They try and play football on the ground, then the players remember they're all fucking awful and should be playing in the SPL, and revert to long-ball tactics. Easily the worst footballing team in the history of the Premier League, and a detestable club to boot. I hope we thump them.

Every single time I've slagged him off he's scored, so I've decided I'm going to rip him to shit before every game.

I try!

Haha nice one mate!

Definitely a surprise inclusion considering Nando's recent performances!

José Mourinho has confirmed striker Fernando Torres is out for a number of weeks after suffering ligament damage in Chelsea's 3-1 defeat of Manchester United on Sunday. Torres, a late substitute for hat-trick hero Samuel Eto'o, was involved in a clash with United full-back Rafael, who was later exceedingly lucky not to be dismissed for a horror tackle on Gary Cahill. And, speaking to ChelseaTV, Mourinho confirmed that the Spaniard would miss a number of weeks after suffering damage to the lateral knee ligament. Torres, who has scored eight goals this season, had netted in his two previous Premier League starts prior to his omission in favour of Eto'o on Sunday, and is now set to miss a crucial run of fixtures including next weekend's FA Cup clash with Stoke City. It does, however, present the chance for Demba Ba to return to the side, with Mourinho saying it 'was very difficult' not to start the Senegalese strike after the 'brilliant week' he had enjoyed in training.

Thanks for reading Ron.

Schwarzer Kalas - Luiz - Cahill - Cole Matic - Lampard Schurrle - Mata - Willian Ba

Chelsea returned to within two points of Premier League leaders Arsenal with a convincing 3-1 defeat of defending champions Manchester United. Samuel Eto'o was the hat-trick hero, completing his treble in just 32 minutes as the Blues easily turned over David Moyes' side. Whilst United started brightly, with Petr Cech forced to make a smart save from Ashley Young, the pace and power of the hosts was too much for the Red Devils to handle, with the clinical Eto'o opening the scoring by crashing an effort beyond David de Gea - albeit aided by a deflection off of Michael Carrick. With that goal coming somewhat against the run of play, United were shell-shocked and the Blues made their dominance pay when Eto'o converted from close range - this time firing through the legs of the goalkeeper after an intelligent ball across the face of goal from Gary Cahill. And the same combination brought about the game-clincher mere minutes into the second half - Cahill's header was superbly stopped by de Gea, but Eto'o was the fastest to react to complete an opportunistic hat-trick. Though Javier Hernandez netted a late consolation, the Blues were well worth their lead and were a class apart from a United side in total disarray - the champions have now lost four of their last five. To make matters worse, captain Nemanja Vidic was shown a straight red card for a dangerous tackle on Eden Hazard, whilst Brazilian full-back Rafael was incredibly fortunate to escape with just a yellow after an horrific two-footed lunge on Cahill in stoppage time. That completed a miserable afternoon for United, who are now a massive twelve points behind Chelsea - and incredible statistic considering that the Reds finished fourteen ahead of the West Londoners last term. Hernandez's late consolation goal may have given the visitors some microcomsm of hope with around ten minutes plus stoppages, but never has a United side looked so devoid of creativity - even the missing Robin van Persie and Wayne Rooney, absent through injury, could have done little to inspire such an insipid offensive performance. Though substitute Fernando Torres suffered an injury to his lateral knee ligaments, fellow substitute Nemanja Matic made his (second) début for the club, making an immediate impact as he helped counter any potential for a United fight-back on a day of numerous positives for the Blues. Regardless of all United's late ill-discipline, this victory - José Mourinho's 100th in the Premier League - will serve as a measure of revenge for the visitors' farcical win in last season's corresponding fixture. Mourinho made a couple of changes to the side that cruised to victory against Hull last time out, with the returning Branislav Ivanovic coming in for Ashley Cole and Eto'o replacing Torres - an inspired selection indeed from the Special One. New signing Nemanja Matic started from the bench, joined by the fit-again Frank Lampard. United began very brightly, with Adnan Januzaj at the heart of everything positive they created, and the 18 year-old almost fashioned their opener as he played in Young, only for the winger to be denied by a smart save by Cech. That seemed to spark the hosts into life after a lethargic start, and after Ramires had provided the Blues' first real shot out of anger, it was Eto'o - the scourge of United in the 2009 UEFA Champions League final - who delivered the killer touch. Turning inside the pedestrian Phil Jones, the Cameroon international unleashed a shot that took a nick off of Carrick's outstretched boot to fly past the stranded de Gea. Chelsea upped the tempo, clearly buoyed by that goal, and just after Oscar had gone close with an acrobatic bicycle-kick, Eto'o turned in the Blues' second. Coming from a corner, the ball was cleared as far as Ramires, who, with time and space, played the perfect pass into the path of Cahill, who intelligently slid the ball across the face of the six-yard box for Eto'o to convert. That goal, coming seconds before the interval, would surely have dampened United spirits - and they became well and truly drenched when Eto'o completed his treble in typically predatory fashion a little over three minutes into the second period. Cahill jumped highest from Willian's corner, forcing the best out of David de Gea, but the ball broke kindly for Eto'o to lash home his first hat-trick in Chelsea colours. The Blues turned on the style, and after Hazard had danced beyond three United defenders only to see a goalbound effort blocked by Carrick, Moyes responded by brining on Chris Smalling to help patch up the besieged United backline. They were offered some respite when Hernandez slid in at the back post for his customary goal against Chelsea - but in truth this toothless United hardly looked like being able to provide anything close to the sort of comeback engineered under Sir Alex Ferguson when they rescued a 3-3 draw at Stamford Bridge two years ago. Any faint hopes of the same happening again were dashed when Vidic was dismissed for an early bath, with Rafael incredibly fortunate not to be following him for his needless shin-height, two-footed foul on Cahill. It was the sort of leg-breaking challenge that can threaten careers, and both Rafael and Cahill were lucky - the former fortunate not to be sent off for the second time in three games against the Blues, and Cahill lucky not to have suffered a serious injury. A chorus of boos directed at the Brazilian full-back soon became cheers, as the final whistle was blown and One Step Beyond erupted from the tannoy system. Mourinho, then, celebrates his 100th Premier League win in style - coincidentally against the team he achieved his first against; his Chelsea juggernaut rolls on. And for Eto'o, it was the first hat-trick scored by a Chelsea player against Manchester United since the 1954/55 season - the year the Blues won the league for the first time in their history. He goes home with the match ball knowing his efforts have kept the Blues in the title hunt - and steered them six points clear of fourth-placed Liverpool, who could only draw 2-2 against struggling Aston Villa on Saturday.

I think Ba and Mata will start, because Mourinho will be looking to uber-troll United.

He also said "for us the market is closed". Two days later - Chelsea sign Matic, Mourinho -

We hate Tottenham.

I'd challenge that by saying no - otherwise he'd have displaced Ashley Cole, who is 3 years past his sell-by.

Berty has been loaned to prove his credentials at a PL club. Better than rotting on the bench. We have Cole, Azpi and Aké to play at left-back. Plenty of options.

People thinking this is going to be easy...? Beware the wounded tiger...

Glad to see someone else realising this won't be a walk-over. This is Manchester United, not some flash-in-the-pan like Southampton were earlier this season.

Results don't demonstrate how well a team performs.

Buffon went for £32.6 million from Parma to Juve, didn't he?