Duppy Conqueror

i bet with these new body scanners at the airports..he`s had some awkward questions to answer... airport security : Mr Benayoun..it appears that your bowel and anus contains unusual metal objects.. Yossi: oh that...well it happened during a very dark period of my life that i would rather it stayed in the past..i guess i do need to explain to you for security reasons, but please don`t tell the british press ..i could have had unwithering love and affection regardlesss of whatever i did when i played football up in the northwest of England but now i have signed for Chelsea i will just be described as a demonic sexual deviant and a menace to womanhood regardless of wether women willingly throw themselves at me or not... Airport Security: i give you my word Mr Benayoun..nothing will be leaked to the press.. Yossi: i was cornered in this barren, run-down,pitiful place in the north west of England..it really was a terrifying experience..there were thousands of ghastly looking people..and well..look at me..if i say they looked ghastly then you can be sure..i`m talking Sloth in the Goonies kind of ugly...and although it was in England..i didn`t hear one English word in 3 years in the place...all i heard was "erm " this and "Errrrrrm" that...anyway..one cold night in this bleak hell-hole...i was cornerned like i said and suddenly i felt a hard thud in my rear..i don`t know what happened but i couldn`t sit down for a week.. Airport Security: ah sir..i had a similar experience when i visited England once..i was a foreign exchange student in the mid eighties...after hearing my mothers Beatles records as a child i had always dreamt of going to what i had believed was the mecca of artistic culture..what i found was everyone had matching curly permed hair and shell suits,both women and men alike..indeed the only way i could tell the difference was the men had a more,bushy Tom Selleck type moustache... one night i was in a night club disco and Frankie goes to Hollywood was coming from the DJ`s speakers...i had drunk quite a lot of alcohol..something i did quite a lot to get me through those bleak days and nights..anyway suddenly i was rushed from behind and i too recieved a dreadful pounding from behind that left me unable to sit for a week...it appears sir, that we are both talking about Liverpool..and tell me do they still have a successful football team filled with Irish,Scottish and Welsh players? Yossi: oh,blimey..you have been away for a while..they have not won an English title in 20 years and the Irish,Scottish and Welsh players have all left to be replaced by spaniards...tho not the world renowned ones..just any spaniard they can find really...one of them is indeed half decent..but he should escape his hell soon..i`m afraid he fell into the same trap we did,thinking that Liverpool was the place to be..i guess it is for crackheads,pikeys,murderers,rapists..but not folks like us... some Chelsea fans have become upset about me signing for their beloved football club..and worrying about me taking the place of one of their highly talented younsters..but i can assure you..after the 3 years i`ve spent in Chester and travelling to hell everyday for work..i am just thankful and happy to take my family to live in a decent part of England..where the chances of them being murdered is greatly reduced.

i find it hard to believe that a newspaper that has run a long standing witchunt against chelsea and in particular Ashley (and JT) would have much knowledge of what Ash is really thinking... the irony is that Ash could leave and i wouldn`t blame him..but it shouldn`t read "Ash is desperate to move from Chelsea to Real Madrid" it should read "Ashley Cole,arguably Englands greatest ever left back.. so fed up of the vultures in the english media that take great glee in the personal problems of english people, in particular famous ones..may want to go to a country where the media doesn`t rule and doesn`t behave like creepy legalized stalkers"....if he leaves it will have nothing to do with anything related to playing for CFC and it`s fans.

i support that stance whole heartedly...hope the ban helps Kakuta 44 grow into a more mature and classy person than was evident from that post...either way though i`m glad that kind of stuff will not be tolerated.

i think we could still challenge for the Premiership with what we have already got and no additions...but if we run with what we got in the champions league we would struggle very hard to win it i think....i`m all for giving youth a chance..but i do think we could do with adding somebody like Aguero or Ozil..somebody who is both young,yet still experienced and will give us something we haven`t already got..(tho Kakuta could be as good as Aguero & Ozil when he becomes their age) ...i don`t want us to buy for the sake of it ,and i could honestly accept and support it if Carlo and co decided to buy nobody this summer..but getting somebody like Aguero or Ozil..somebody who are extremely gifted players but hungry enough to fulfil their mass potential if they came to a bigger club like ours. are the only kind of players i think we should go for...and i think Carlo and finally Roman now..feels the same.

the thing with signing Spanish players is although there`s plenty of them who are good players..if they do well,it`s only a matter of time before Barca & Real comes calling and the player sulks until he gets to go there, because he "always dreamed of playing for Barca/Real.." i personally would be content if we signed nobody and give our talented youngsters more playing time...it would atleast be better than signing somebody whose heart is really elsewhere..if he joins Citeh..he`ll be back in Spain within two to three years for sure..if not before.

i didn`t vote because i fall into the "not sure" group... i believe Carlo & Roman etc.. would like to have him but A.Madrid may drag their heels too much and ask for too big a transfer fee...maybe we could offer them 20mill plus player/s.. he has said that he would be willing to join us..or words to that effect...but i`m sure he was expecting a big salary when he said that,probably more than the majority of our 1st teamers are currently on if not all of them...how would that sit with the players who are already here?...it seemed like Ballack`s salary didn`t go down too well with JT,Lampard etc..when they were being paid less than him...he may come but i can see plenty of potential hurdles...i`d say it`s about a 40% chance of him joining us.

i can PM you what i picked up from being over there,if you`ve got any questions..(to try and keep the thread on topic)..bear in mind tho it was 12 years ago..so you would be wise to double check anything i tell you to make sure what was the case then..still applies now.

by the way,the Dutch for Celery is Selderij... :tophat:

Ajax away is very tempting..i lived in Amsterdam for 6 years (from 1992-1998)...always looking for an excuse to go back there. .. though i could bump into an ex with kids in tow who look alot like me.....if they`re in the Ajax academy then i`ll happily claim them,but there`s no way of knowing at this point,it`s a gamble.. guess i could always go in disguise...

i don`t think even Roman could afford to pay anyone "96 million" :eyebrows:

the club that i have supported since 1980 and had long accepted would never become champions of England in my lifetime..has been champions of England 3 times out of the last 6 seasons...i`ve no complaints to give on how our club is presently run.

ah,i remember that game,i was there too..we won 4-2 and they had the F.A cup in the club shop before the game..it was also the game when,if i recall correctly Gus Poyet was introduced to the crowd for the first time after we had just signed him..he came onto the field in a suit and mustard coloured trench coat..i remember thinking..blimey i don`t like the colour of the coat but that lad is a lot bigger midfielder than "Ernie" Wise..even from the back of the East upper he looked big.

had the odd `mare from time to time ( e.g the infamous 3-2 defeat to Arsenal/Kanu at the bridge ) like all keepers do,even the greatest...but he had many great games for us too...best keeper we had since Eddie Niedzwiecki in my humble opinion....tho special shout out to the immortal Tony Godden:worship: for saving those two penalties at Old Trafford in the same half during a 1-0 win in the 86/87 season..