DYC.

I'm in tears. Tears of laughter and sadness. Mostly laughter. Best RB.

This really made me laugh.

He said that? What the hell is happening? Can I have sex with Jennifer Lopez in this alternate universe?

Well, at least he can still pat himself on the back in the worst of times.

I want to sit behind the girl on the slide.

Attacking play was getting worse and worse, sure, but at least they were capable of defending. Chelsea lost four games last season, best defensive record in the league. There was actually a midfield last season. He put Matic in and took him off after 30 min.

He subbed Matic in and took him off after 30 min. What the hell was that?

15/16: Chelsea is dead. Time will tell whether we're looking at a falling phoenix or a falling pigeon

Get outta here. Playing like a relegation side? Chelsea reached the bottom, called The Hulk and asked him to smash the surface with devestating effect. In a black hole here.

I was against the new contract. For the simple reason of him still having two years left on his original deal. Managers get sacked all the time, I don't understand the idiotic long term contracts. But I could never see this coming.

Yes yes yes. If he goes, yes, please take Ivanovic with you. That would be great.

No. I don't buy hidden messages behind his decisions. I think he just lost it there. He might look back tomorrow and wonder why he did that. What a terrible, terrible decision. I'm beyond shocked by that.

Did he forget Matic didn't start this game? Now that's what I call terrible managing. Wow.

Southampton showing Chelsea how to play football. Chelsetpiece is crap.

Williaaaaaannnn! Terrible season but a couple of sweet goals. I was starting to worry Chelsea wouldn't concede. Again, I don't know what to expect. Decent start but back to being crap after. Still vulnerable defensively throughout, it doesn't matter what XI he sends out. Mourinho can't fix the team it seems. Well, let's wait and see what happens in the next episode of this madness.

Romeu outplaying them would be the pinnacle of failure. The mother of all rejects. He isn't ready. We have to wait until he's ready. When that will be is unclear, but when he's ready he'll be ready.

If you got hate in your heart, let it out. Clayton Bigsby

Only team in the world with bodyguards for players.

They were good though. On another day this game would have finished 7-2. I haven't seen such bad luck in finishing (or simply poor finishing) in a long, long time. Neymar hit a free-kick against the post and the ball hit the Sevilla GK on the back, it rolled from one end of the line to the other without going in. Pique came rushing in to tap it in but somehow completely lost focus and missed the ball completely. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

How did Barca not win that match? Ridiculous amount of chances to score. But fair play to Sergio Rico, he was brilliant. And Sevilla played hard. Huge result for them. Krohn-Dehli with a wonderful assist for the second goal. Neymar was amazing. Messi-lite today.

Messi or Ronaldo can't score five goals in a PL match. Theory disproved by an inferior player. Five goals. Seriously? That Aguero is some player when he's fully fit and in form.

That midfield concerns me but then again, Matic-Fabregas hasn't been working at all. Why not Matic (or even Mikel) in front of defence and Ramires and RLC right ahead? Or out of the box thinking with Oscar and Willian in midfield? Oh well, that's probably silly thinking. I don't what to expect before matches anymore. This season is just... Terry to return with a first half set-piece goal? Would be nice. Low on firing power in normal circumstances but I can only hope the boys have their shooting boots on. 3 points are crucial. (what a repetitive cliche that has become)

The idea is for him to come here and play of course. Matic came back and he had a far weaker connection with Chelsea, if any at all. Playing for Southampton is nice and all but playing for titles on the big stage doesn't compare. There are no guarantees in top football, any level really, but plenty of reasons to come back, like the ones I mentioned in my post. Chelsea should get him.

You can keep on saying he be on the bench, facts point out he wouldn't. Your examples of Ribery and Lewandowski playing before him (as if a system with Muller behind Lewandowski and Ribery and Robben on the wings isn't possible but I'll leave that aside) are not true. He always plays. Ignore the fact Lewandowski was benched against Wolfsburg before his 5 goals in 9 min and 5 goals in two other matches, which have now turned him into the most hyped player in world football. Even though his form and functioning in Guardiola's system were questioned before his latest feats. More goals and more match-winning performances were expected. Undeservedly so imo, he's world-class but he was simply not the focal point of Bayern before Guardiola changed his set-up. Yes, let's forget about: Being a key player in reaching 3 CL finals Goals in the domestic cup finals of 2013 and 2014 A goal in the CL final of 2012 Three goals and top performances vs Barcelona in the semis of 2013. Remember 7-0, in aggregate, more comfortable than 6-2. He even scored one of those two Bayern goals when they went out. Top scorer 2010 World Cup (in addition to three assists) Most goals and assists at the 2014 World Cup 10 World Cup goals in two tournaments Let's forget the 20+ goals and 10+ assists he pretty much guarantees every season. All of that and he only recently turned 26. Only special thing about Muller is his versatility. I'm getting closer to hearing it all. But I'll stop here. I thank you for the replies.