The Wenger Philosophy

[Fulham Broadway 17,313]

THOUGHT REQUIRES SILENCE

Therefore, players, do not talk to one another on the pitch, or or do anything to distract the train of each others' thought. If you must talk, do so to the foreign press, where no one will read it. The football pitch is not a place for shouting, bellowing, encouraging, communicating but for private rumination, meditation, cogitation, and yes, hesitation.

FURTHER READING: Hesitato, Ergo Sum: My Theo-logy (Theo Walcott, Pluto Press, £17.99).

DO NOT LOSE SIGHT OF THE TRUE GOAL BY SCORING AN ACTUAL GOAL

And so, if you are presented with the ball on the edge of the penalty box and have clear daylight between you and goal, do not give in to the ego and shoot directly into the net. This is mere self-gratification, which shrivels the vital footballing organs. Is that not Bendtner standing near the corner flag? Why, pass the ball to him, so that he might have the chance to curl it into the top hand corner. Such a goal might only occur once a century and therefore be the stuff of legend, whereas your own directly taken shot would merely be part of a spiritually unsatisfactory week-in-week out series of 3-0, 4-0 victories if you actually took it.

FURTHER READING: To Be Or Not To Be? To Be, Actually. And To Be Pretty Much The Best, Basically (Crown Prince Bendtner of Denmark, Kronen Press, £19.99)

DEFEAT IS OUR WISEST MASTER

What use is victory? It teaches us nothing. In defeat, however, we learn hard and valuable lessons which will bear fruit in decades to come when players like Denilson reach maturity. So, you are 2-0 up against Spurs at home. Now is the time to consider the jellyfish. Achieve a physical and mental condition in which it is as if you have forgotten the existence of your own spine. In the first half, you have taught the opposition a footballing lesson. Now learn more from them than they have from you by letting them score more goals than you in the second half. This makes you the true winners – only an idiot would fail to see this.

FURTHER READING: Whatever You Say, Your Reverence – The Insider's Guide To Assertive Assistant Management (Pat Rice, Ebury Books, £22.99)

AVOID ALL THOUGHTS OF SELF-ELEVATION

. . . especially as the ball is floating into your penalty box, from a free kick or Rory Delap throw in. Do not think to launch yourself upward and head it away. If the Creator had intended you to venture that high in the air, he would not have made you 5'7”. Paed ad terram – feet to the ground. Learn the hard lessons of modesty and self-effacement which can only be acquired from conceding goal after goal after goal after goal after goal after goal from set-pieces season in, season out until finally you achieve your true destiny – a transfer to the Spanish Second Division (£850,000).

FURTHER READING: Pascal's Wager: How I Bet I'd Play More Than Ten Games For Arsenal – And Won (Pascal Cygan, Bloomsbury, £19.99)

LEARN NOTHING FROM YOUR MISTAKES, LEST YOU LEAVE YOURSELF NOTHING LEFT TO LEARN

This is the final Zen paradox at the heart of the Wenger philosophy. To those who say, “IT'S FUCKING OBVIOUS WHAT THE FUCKING PROBLEMS ARE WITH THIS FUCKING ARSENAL TEAM AND IT'S BEEN FUCKING OBVIOUS FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS – WHY DOESN'T ARSENE SORT IT THE FUCK OUT?” I say this. Consider the piece of fruit upon the table. Let us say that this is the Fruit of Learning. And suppose we should break the habit of a lifetime and reach the top of the table and eat this fruit. Then, alas, the table is bare. Better, rather, to leave the fruit untouched, year in, year out, so that eventually it stinks out the place. This is the stench to which we aspire, and will continue to aspire.

FURTHER READING: I Am Not Interested In Silver: The Wenger Guide To Winning (Bantam Press, £39.99)

[LDN Blue 7,903]

LOL. The further reading killed me

Pascal's Wager: How I Bet I'd Play More Than Ten Games For Arsenal – And Won (Pascal Cygan, Bloomsbury, £19.99)

[True_Blue 469]

He touches them too much

[Tomo 21,751]

"Every one has to turn up and play ze same system as me and roll over and lose 3-0 or worse, if they dont they are playing anti-football and are a dirty team who should be banned"

[zolayes 14,489]

In the Kingdom of the Blind ,,the one eyed man is King ....even I can see that ,,,,,

Arsene Wenger autobiography " My Utopia and miopia"