Alex Ferguson's top ten excuses

[SystemBlueBob 0]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/...h.html?ITO=1490

As Sir Alex Ferguson fumes over the state of the Wembley pitch in Sunday's FA Cup semi-final which, he claims, forced him to field a reserve team, Sportsmail looks at ten of the best excuses from the Manchester United manager.

Always prepared to defend the indefensible and blame anyone or anything, be it the pitch, referee, opposition, kit or weather, for his team's failings, Fergie's whinges have become a quintessential part of the modern game.

'Get that kit off!'

This will always remain the supreme football excuse, no matter what anyone else comes up with. Losing 3-0 at half time at Southampton in 1996, his players got back to the dressing room to hear Fergie storm: 'Get that kit off!'

Grey matter: Matt Le Tissier drills in a shot for Southampton against young whippersnappers Ryan Giggs and David Beckham in 1996. The Saints won 3-1 and the United shirts were never worn again

It transpired Sir Alex believed his players were having trouble seeing each other on the pitch at The Dell because of their grey shirts. But they barely fared better in the second half, eventually losing 3-1.

Indeed, Manchester United lost four and drew one of their five games they played in the kit. It was retired after this game, and, in a possibly unrelated development, they then won all their remaining games to take the title.

'The biggest club in the world and they have to play rugby every bloody November'

When Fabien Barthez conceded after failing to fool West Ham's Paolo Di Canio into believing he was offside in an FA Cup fourth round match at Old Trafford in 2001, he was widely blamed for his team's 1-0 defeat. But Sir Alex had different ideas.

Stop, I can see a rugby divot...but Fabien Barthez did not fool Paolo di Canio

Referring to the Super League Grand Final played months earlier, he raged: 'I can't believe Manchester United have allowed rugby matches to be played on the pitch. The biggest club in the world, and they have to play rugby every bloody November - and the pitch is a mess after it.'

In an impressive display of avoiding the bleeding obvious, Fergie also lamented insufficient injury time (four minutes were played) and the lack of a penalty award (because Manchester United don't get enough of them at Old Trafford).

'We could have scored five goals ourselves'

For Kevin Keegan, Newcastle's 5-0 thrashing of Manchester United at St James' Park in 1996 – their seventh league win in a row – was his finest day as a manager.

Too easy: Philippe Albert celebrates scoring his side's fifth goal against a Manchester United side who were unlucky not to get a 5-5 draw

For Ferguson, it was the inevitable result of jet lag. United had won at Fenerbahce earlier that week with their return flight landed at 4am on Thursday (the Newcastle match was on the Sunday).

Thus, an explanation for Fergie's worst result in 21 years as a manager. And – despite the goals from Peacock, Ginola, Ferdinand, Shearer and Albert without reply – he added: 'We could have scored five goals ourselves.'

'We were the best team in this tournament - definitely'

When Manchester United were all but eliminated from the World Club Championships in Rio in 2000, there was nothing Fergie could do but blame the Brazilian sunshine.

United were beaten 3-1 by Vasco Da Gama after two basic errors in two minutes from Gary Neville allowed striker Romario to put his side two up within the first half hour.

Put your shirt on us losing: Gary Neville's errors cost United against Vasco da Gama - but not in Fergie's eyes

But Sir Alex was keen to point out that the sun had been in his team's eyes during the first half but had set behind the stand after the interval, making life easier for Vasco's defenders.

He said: 'If we had come through the first half hour with the sun I felt we would have been okay.' But, as ever: 'We were the best team in this tournament – definitely.'

'Managers get sacked because of things like that and he's going to referee a game next week'

In last season's FA Cup the United manager was furious with referee Martin Atkinson after a quarter-final defeat to eventual winners Portsmouth at Old Trafford.

Sulley Muntari scored the winner from a penalty with 12 minutes left. United's substitute keeper Tomasz Kuszczak was sent off and Rio Ferdinand took over in goal.

Spot-on: Portsmouth's Sulley Muntari beats keeper Rio Ferdinand with the penalty that should have been awarded to the other side much earlier in the match

Sir Alex was livid that no penalty was given when Sylvain Distin seemed to foul Cristiano Ronaldo in the first half and he implied the referee should be sacked.

He said: 'It's absolutely ridiculous. I cannot explain it. Managers get sacked because of things like that and he's going to referee a game next week.'

'It was not as if he punched the ball'

When Cristiano Ronaldo was sent off in the Manchester derby in November after getting a second yellow card for clearly handling the ball, Fergie came up with no less than five excuses.

In order, they were: 'He tried to stop the ball from hitting his face,' 'he thought he had heard a whistle' and 'he got a little push'. Although none of these explained why Ronaldo did not just head the ball, his manager was undeterred.

But I thought I heard you whistle, I was pushed and the ball was going to hit my face: Cristiano Ronaldo tries in vain to stop Howard Webb sending him off

He went on: 'It was not as if he punched the ball' and 'the crowd played a part and he got sent off'. So now we know, it was all the crowd's fault and the handball rule only applies if you punch it with the might of Frank Bruno.

The only surprise was that he didn't blame the ball for viciously attacking Ronaldo's hand.

'It's an unfair decision to make us play on Saturday'

If it isn't the pitch, the referee or the kit, it must be the Premier League. Ferguson was furious after Manchester United's Champions League exit in 2007.

A 3-0 semi-final loss at AC Milan on a Wednesday sealed their fate, but Sir Alex fumed that league chiefs had not allowed them to put the Manchester derby, due for the following Saturday, back.

Manchester on his mind: Wayne Rooney watches Kaka celebrate in Milan - but all he could think about was the derby game v City three days later

He said: 'Leagues in other countries would help their clubs no end so they can prepare properly for European nights, so there is a problem there. We've not had much help from the Premier League.

'Nonetheless we will be there at City on Saturday. The television company were quite happy to move the game to Sunday but the Premier League refused. It's an unfair decision to make us play on Saturday.'

'The pitch was very bumpy'

After losing 1-0 to Hungarian minnows Zalaegerszeg in 2002, television viewers waited eagerly to see what excuse Sir Alex would come up with.

Remember my mame: Bela Koplarovic of Zalaegerszeg celebrates his last-gasp winner against United in 2002

After all, his team had been fairly beaten after a string of missed chances and Phil Neville had fallen asleep to allow substitute Bela Koplarovic to ghost in unmarked to score the 90th minute winner.

He began promisingly: 'They had one attack and scored one goal. But we only have ourselves to blame,' before contradicting himself: 'The pitch was very bumpy which is possibly a reason for the (lack of) smoothness of our passing.'

'He made the ref react'

Another from the World Club Championships. The South American heat must really have got to Sir Alex.

Get up I barely touched you: But David Beckham is about to see red following his late tackle on Necaxa's Jose Milian and the subsequent Latin American 'playacting'

Just months after he was vilified across the country for his red card against Argentina in the 1998 World Cup, he was again sent off for a horrifyingly late tackle against Mexican side Necaxa.

But Becks could rest easy. According to Fergie: 'Their player got Becks sent off. He made the ref react.'

'I needed the toilet'

I have in my hand a piece of [toilet] paper - Fergie escaped punishment

Last but not least, it's heartening to see that Fergie's superb excuses are not merely of use in the sporting arena.

Appearing in front of Bury magistrates for illegally driving his BMW down the hard shoulder of a motorway in 1999, he was cleared after his lawyer told the court he had 'severe diarrhoea'.

The court agreed the need to find a toilet quickly counted as an emergency and found him not guilty.

Edited April 22, 2009 by SystemBlueBob

[Fulham Broadway 16,855]

Also when he got caught doing 120 on the M6 and got off by saying he had diaorrea

[Elliott 7]

Yep, that's at the bottom FB

[Fulham Broadway 16,855]

Oh yeah Derrrrr -as they say

OK what about the time he said he was entitled to £50 million -half of the racehorse stud fees of former ManUtd owners John Magnier and JP McManus over the ownership rights to legendary thoroughbred Rock of Gibraltar ?? Cunt said it was a verbal arrangement.

As a settlement they offerd him £2.5 million -or stud rights for four years. Greedy cunt took the £2.5 million and missed out on £20 million stud rights for the next four years

[Kez 2,727]

He should be in a home