Keegan And Newcastle

[Fulham Broadway 16,444]

KEEGAN AND NEWCASTLE PLEDGE TO DRIVE OFF A CLIFF TOGETHER

Keegan, left, has also managed Fulham and Man City

KEVIN Keegan and Newcastle have pledged to drive off a cliff together in a final act of sisterhood, rather than face relegation from the premier league.

The pair have been on a brief but emotional road trip since Keegan abandoned his boring domestic life, running a soccer school on a Glasgow industrial estate.

But his bid for a new life has been a failure, apart from one night of wild sex with a Brad Pitt impersonator from Tynemouth.

An emotional Newcastle said: "Kevin, I'm so sorry I dragged you into this. If you want to get out right now I'll understand. But I can't go back, you know that, right?"

An emotional Keegan replied: "I know we should probably never have done this. But I couldn't sit around one more day watching my life go down the drain.

"You saved me Newcastle. You made me feel more alive than any man and I love you for that."

He added: "We've come this far and I'll be damned if we're gonna stop now."

Later this week Keegan and Newcastle are expected to drive to the edge of a quarry on the outskirts of Gateshead, where they will hold hands and accelerate at full speed into oblivion.

Meanwhile Roy Keane and Sunderland are finalising their plans to run out of a little house with guns blazing, into the face of 100 heavily armed Bolivian soldiers.

from The Daily Mash -you gotta fucken' laff aint ya ?

[Fulham Broadway 16,444]

Gudjohnsen =Keegans Top target (Fans FC)

Keegan has been told he will have plenty of cash to spend when the summer transfer window swings open, and his priority will be to shore up his leaky defence.

However, Keegan will also look to strengthen all areas of his side as he looks to transform the Magpies into a top-six side, and reports claim a top target will be £7million Eidur Gudjohnsen.

The Icelandic international has failed to nail down a regular starting place for Barcelona following his move from Chelsea in the summer of 2006, and he may be tempted to move to St James Park.

[ChrisGnu 0]

I think we should have a sticky 'Lets all laugh at Newcastle' thread.

Hate them and hope they go down.