babu

NSFW Says the woman: 'Mark, Do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behavior? Look, seeing that no one is looking, I'll expose one of my breasts 2 it & see how horny it gets just as men do.' Mary then exposes one of her breasts, and, sure enough the gorilla gets excited and grabs the bars of the enclosure as if it wanted to break free. 'See,' says the woman, 'Now, I know why you react the way you do; men can't control their animal instincts just like gorillas can't.' Says Mark: 'Now expose both breasts and let us see what happens.' The woman exposes both breasts to the gorilla and it gets very excited and is now desperately trying to escape from the enclosure. Says Mark: 'This is incredible, now, pull your skirt up, turn around and expose your bum and let us see what happens!' The woman pulls her skirt up, turns around with her bum to the gorilla, which by now ,was extremely aroused, breaks free from the enclosure, grabs the woman and starts yanking the clothes off her. The woman yells: 'Mark , what do I do now? Please, help me!' Mark replies: 'Now, tell him you have a headache and you're not in mood ... Let us see if Gorillas and Men are the same

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

LMAO XD

Short Jokes. a guy goes to the doc for a checkup. doc tells him he got gangarene(sp!) and has to be admitted at the hospital. the doc at the hospital sez the only thin they can do for gangarene is to amputate. after the op the doc comes to the man and says i got good news and bad news. the guy asks for the bad news first. the doc says "we cut off the wrong leg." he asks "whats the good news?" DOC says " You DONT got gangarene>_<" ____ Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.""You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher. _____ Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed. Guest: I'll make my own bed. Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood. ____ The positive thinking poem. * Little birdy in the sky, * You look up and it shits in your eye. * You don't mind and you don't cry, * You just thank God that cows don't fly!

For the final test, the FBI agent took the first male applicant to a large, metal door and handed him a gun.The agent said, We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her! The man said, You cant be serious! I could never shoot my wife! The agent said, Then youre not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home. The second male applicant was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, I tried, but I cant kill my wife. The agent said, You dont have what it takes. Take your wife and go home. Finally, it was the female applicants turn. She was given the same instructions- to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. This gun is loaded with blanks she said. I had to beat him to death with the chair. ____ A man was wandering through the desert, tired from his travels but kept traveling. Until suddenly he came across a lamp, taking his chances he rubbed it, to his surprise a genie appears. "What does this mean strange creature? Do the fairytales hold true? Do I get 3 wishes?" asked the man "Yes" replied the genie "But I am not like other genies, my rule is that everything you get, the one you share your life with get's double" "So my wife gets double what I wish for?" "Yes" answered the genie "Okay, for my first wish, I ask for a land's worth of gold" said the man "So it is done, your wife gets twice" said the genie "For my second wish, I want a mansion that goes on for acres" "Agreed, and your wife gets two, what is your final wish?" "Now this is important, I wish to be beaten half to death" asked the man "Uhhh, okay? That means that your wife..."

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: SISTERS OF ST. NORTON HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon he sees another sign which says: SISTERS OF ST. NORTON HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real. Then he drives past a third sign saying: SISTERS OF ST, NORTON HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: SISTERS OF ST. NORTON He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?" He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business." "Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man, "Please knock on this door." He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in long habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs, "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign: GO IN PEACE YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. NORTON

Old but funny.

Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt. "We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave. The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."

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HAHAHAHA This one is damn funny!!!! New Cowboy Boots ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An elderly couple , Margaret and Bert , moved to Texas . Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots , so , seeing some on sale , he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly , he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife , "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret looked him over. "Nope." Frustrated , Bert stormed off into the bathroom , undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret , a little louder this time , "Notice anything different NOW?" Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan , "Bert , what's different? It's hanging down today , it was hanging down yesterday , it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." Furious , Bert yelled , "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN , MARGARET?" "Nope. Not a clue" , she replied. "IT'S HANGING DOWN , BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!" Without missing a beat Margaret replied , "Shoulda bought a hat , Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."

some cool pics http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-08-26/bioluminescent-dinoflagellate-light-up-the-surf/5696126 _ A [colourized] photograph taken by Scott’s British Antarctic Expedition to the South Pole, before they perished on their return journey. [1910]" _ Glen Etive, in the West Highlands of Scotland [1067 x 1600] by Fernando Vicente