US Elections

[Fulham Broadway 16,845]

AMA GONNA GIT ME A NIGGRA, SAYS PALIN

REPUBLICAN vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin last night wowed the party convention as she pledged to 'git me one uppity niggra'.

'Lyle, git ma 12-gauge!'

She told cheering crowds that Democrat rival Barak Obama was a 'struttin' round here likes he done own the place' before making a series of veiled threats and menacing gestures.

Palin said: "Look at this boy, prancin' round like he's the cock o' the walk. Shootin' his mouth off like a God-damn rooster. When'd these sum-bitches learn book readin' any how?

"Well, he can crow all he wants but you all knows whats we be doin' with niggras who don't be showin' us no respect..."

"Ah says we gitta bunch a boys together and take this 'Mr' Obama for a little ride. How's about it? Y'all up for a little dance?"

Palin added: "Like my momma used to say, 'ain't nobody gonna be askin' no questions 'bout some fancy-ass coon'."

Delegate Todd Logan, from Kansas, said the speech struck the right balance between traditional values and the need for radical change in Washington, adding: "That Missus Palin, she sure is purty.

"Ah bet she smells real nice too, all soap and fancy French perfoom. Yes mam. Ah'd do anythin' fir you Missus Palin. Ah'll stick that niggra fir ye mam. Ah'll stick him good."

OBAMA DEFENDS 'CREATIONIST PSYCHO BITCH' REMARK

DEMOCRATIC candidate Barak Obama last night claimed he was quoted out of context after describing Governor Sarah Palin as a 'creationist psycho bitch'.

'Less fuckable than a dead pig'

He dismissed the 'phoney outrage' of the Republican camp, insisting the remark was not intended to do anything other than draw attention to Governor Palin's insane beliefs and ugly, bitch-like qualities.

Senator Obama said: "I was simply implying what a stupid, horrible, terrifying freak she is. I can't help it if people decide to take that literally.

"I was using a metaphor to make the important point that if you want another four years of psychotic, blood thirsty creationists who love sucking the oil industry's big fat cock, then vote for my opponents."

He added: "I did then go on to say that if Jesus came down from heaven and told me I would have to fuck either Sarah Palin or a pig, you'd have to drag me off the pig.

"Now that doesn't mean I'm comparing Governor Palin to a pig. What I am saying is that if it's a straight choice between Governor Palin and a pig, I'm fucking the pig.

"If I then went on to say that I'd rather fuck a dead pig than Governor Palin, that should not be construed in any way as a personal attack."

Senator Obama refused to apologise to the Governor, insisting it would take too long to translate the words into her 'retarded hillbilly language'.