Queens Park Rangers Preview

[Spike 12,049]

Who here hates QPR? We all do! Ugly badge, ugly kit, ugly illiterate manager, ugly results, and the human stain Joey Barton. Personally I’ve only met on QPR supporter in my life and he was and probably still is a cunt. Maybe it’s my predisposition to being misanthropic and cynical but I struggle to find a single redeeming feature of this club. I can look at teams like Tottenham, West Ham, Aston Villa and just about any team under the blue sky and find something respectable and admirable. But as of writing this I firmly stand by the notion: “Fuck QPR”.

QPR Analysis:


QPR are 19th; I’d say that is where they belong but in actuality they belong several leagues below the Premiership. They aren’t a good team. They aren’t even a potentially good team. One win, one draw and six losses isn’t a pretty picture. But another picture altogether is their squad, let me paint it for you. Adel Taraabt, all things said his IQ is probably on the wrong side of 100 but he is one talented bastard with the ball at his feet. He did quite well for A.C. Milan, he kept Robinho and Kaká out of the starting XI. Ten years ago this would have been an amazing feat but not so much in 2013 but still nothing to shake a stick at. Yet ‘Arry thinks he is three stone overweight. I can’t for the life of my understand why ‘Arry hates him so much. Taraabt may blow hot and cold but it’s a stark difference from most of the squad, whom only seem to blow cold. Don’t expect Taraabt to start or even make a cameo. ‘Arry obviously prefers his man-crush Niko Kranjčar. How many times has ‘Arry bought or loaned him? Four times? I don’t rate him. He has a knack for creativity but he is slow and injury prone. Oscar would turn him inside out in one pirouette.

Sandro is a bit of a different story. He looks like Max Payne and gets minutes for Brazil. Albeit not many minutes but it’s not to shocking to see him appear in a friendly. He is in my eyes, QPR’s best player. Strong, quick and is a solid defender. A defensive-midfielder shouldn’t be a team’s most dangerous player but sadly for QPR, this may ring true. Given space and time on the ball he can smash the back of the net. He did it against Chelsea and he did it against Manchester United. He doesn’t do it often but don’t be a fool and think it will never happen.

Leroy Fer: A strong, powerful man from the Netherlands. He gets minutes for Oranje and though they are a nation in limbo between youth and veterans; it is nothing to be unimpressed by. He did well for Norwich last season, strong on the ball, and strong winning the ball. His valiant efforts were in vain and Norwich were relegated; hopefully he is a bad luck charm and the same happens to QPR. His versatility forces him out wide occasionally and even behind the striker in the #10 role. But his usual role is in the central-midfield alongside Sandro. If he is fit, I expect him to start.

QPR usually play in a 4-4-1-1 formation. Given how players shift and move around fluidly during a match, it is most similar to the 4-3-3. The two wingers push up near the striker and the #10 behind the striker drops deep into the midfield. But ‘Arry isn’t afraid to show off his tactical nous, sometimes he plays 4-5-1 throwing an extra man in the midfield. But is it really all that different from the previous formation? It looks different on paper but out of the pitch players aren’t static to one position. I fully expect him to play with a lone striker, two wingers, three midfielders and four defenders. He has played with a 4-4-2 diamond formation just once against Stoke. The match resulted in a 2-2 draw but it’s a risky formation that leaves the belly of the midfield open. Don’t expect ‘Arry to throw this formation out. Changing player’s positions, formations and everything in between is leaving QPR a mess. They have no consistency, so I wouldn’t be surprised if a 5-4-1 was employed but I expect a 4-4-1-1.

How Chelsea can win:
Control the ball, take advantage of the lack of pace QPR offers in their defence. Rio Ferdinand and Steven Caulker are the usual suspects at the centre of defence. Rio may be the biggest twat around but he offers a lot of experience from the highest levels of football. His knees and ankles can’t carry him as quickly as he would like but he has the positioning to make up for it. Most of Chelsea’s attacking line will be able to turn him inside out in moment if he puts a foot wrong. But in saying that…Rio Ferdinand has been banned for three games for insulting a supporter on Twitter. Richard Dunn will fill his spot. The same Richard Dunn that Tony Adams thinks is better than John Terry. Chelsea really can not be wasteful, they need to put the ball into the back of the net. QPR have hit a bit of form in their last few games scoring a few goals. Pass the ball quickly, move into the finally with swiftness to prevent QPR organising themselves and parking the bus. The faster Chelsea can retain and move the ball, the bigger the scoreline.

How QPR can win:
Defence. Organisation. Determination. Discipline. QPR will have to focus and remain consistent throughout the whole match to win. A single moment of idiocy will punish them. If QPR can remain organised and pick their chances at hitting on the counter they may be able to pull a few goals off. It will require a lot and everyone will have to dig deep. They can’t outpass, outscore or even outpace Chelsea but grit, determination and perhaps a few lucky calls can bring them 1 or even 3 points.

Chelsea team news:
Diego Costa - injured.
Loïc Rémy - injured.
Ramires - injured.
César Azpilicueta - suspended.

QPR team news:
Joey Barton - injured.
Alex McCarthy - injured.
Nedum Onuhoa - injured.
Jodan Mutch - injured.
Alejandro Faurlin - injured.
Rio Ferdinand - suspended.

Chelsea form:
1st 23pts
WDL 7-2-0
Draw v Manchester City (A) 1-1
Win v Aston Villa (H) 3-0
Win v Arsenal (H) 2-0
Win v Crystal Palace (A) 1-2
Draw v Manchester United (A) 1-1

QPR form:
19th 7pts
WDL 2-1-6
Draw v Stoke (H) 2-2
Loss v Southampton (H) 2-1
Loss v West Ham (A) 2-0
Loss v Liverpool (H) 2-3
Win v Aston Villa (H) 2-0

Predicted team lineups:

[Spike 12,049]

Note: It seems I forgot to add a keeper to the Chelsea lineup. It's Thibaut Courtois.

[iseah100 5,612]

Note: It seems I forgot to add a keeper to the Chelsea lineup. It's Thibaut Courtois.

It's QPR, we don't need a keeper.

[Spike 12,049]

It's QPR, we don't need a keeper.

Bobby Zamora to hit row Z.

[Spike 12,049]

Read my fucking article ya ingrats. I swear on Alex's mam.

[iseah100 5,612]

Read my fucking article ya ingrats. I swear on Alex's mam.

To be fair, I liked it [emoji12]